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Lying awake at 2am

Published on March 10, 2021March 10, 2021 by 5lb Purpose

Wondering if I will ever be part of my older daughters lives.

I’m really confused at why a “Christian” (Tim Latier) would make up defacing lies and eliminate his daughters mother from their lives.

I have nightmares almost every night of him and/or Linda telling me off. They haunt me. That makes Jesus look HORRIBLE that they claim to “know” Him. I drove to my daughter’s work the other day to order some take out, but gave up before I even went in to order.

They have no idea how much I miss them. I doubt they care.

I am completely blessed with with Alyssa and Noah, but they don’t replace Emma and Lillian. I wish I had a chance to start over, but they have forgot I exist. I’m happy with who I have become, unfortunately they will never know “me”.

#NewHopeFullGospel is their church. Pray for them. All of them.

#chatterbox

Pretending to eat

Because I STILL can’t send this to you on text 🙄

Published on February 19, 2021February 19, 2021 by 5lb Purpose

Even though you’re an adult 🙄🙄🙄

This is his FAVORITE song

Published on January 21, 2021 by 5lb Purpose

New car, caviar, four-star daydream
Think I’ll buy me a football team

I miss Emma and Lillian

Published on December 15, 2020 by 5lb Purpose

I have said numerous times that I will sit in a room with Tim Latier and Linda Latier and silently listen to them list every single thing they don’t like about me, and every mistake I have made, if it gives me a chance to be a mother to my daughters that I’m estranged from.

I really don’t like to blog about this, but other than asking people to relay this message, I have no other way to tell them.

MOVE ON…

Unfortunately, I can’t without my daughters… please respect that.

Kindness rules 😉

Published on November 16, 2020November 16, 2020 by 5lb Purpose

So I was at the store yesterday buying groceries, and the cashier was not very quick. We live in a society of speed, and I admit I’m not very patient. He was sorting his dollar bills when I used a card for payment… I just sighed and internally rolled my eyes. I wasn’t in a hurry, so it wasn’t that big of a deal. I grabbed my cereal boxes and said I didn’t need a bag for them. I try to use Thirty One bags whenever I can to save the planet and stuff, but I had forgotten them in the van.

Then I noticed something… he was organizing my purchase in the bags, taking items out and moving them to other bags, silently and categorically.

When he handed me the bags, I thanked him for correlating them so well. He shrugged, and proceeded to help the next customer.

It broke my heart. I had determined he was possibly burdened with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

I instantly felt bad that I hadn’t let him bag my cereal.

I was troubled by the thought that in the impatient world today, he may become insulted or harassed for something that he doesn’t have control over.

I was proud of him for having a job and putting such an effort into it.

I was thankful that after suffering a traumatic brain injury, I am able to complete most tasks. I’m beyond blessed that I’m intelligent, efficacious, and perceptive.

I was more thankful that God has given me the heart to discern characteristics in others could possibly increase their daily struggles.

I thought… is there anything I can do to “brighten his day”? As I said, previously, in the impatient world today, he is more than likely insulted or offended. If I had been in a hurry, would I have noticed his diversity? Would I have respected it? To answer my initial question, yes there is something I can do. I can pray for him. I can pray for everyone that comes in contact with him for a peaceful and respectful mannerism.

I can write this blog with the hopes God causes the right eyes to view it.

Just be nice, people.

Thank you for reading, and have a great day 🖤

All I want

Published on October 13, 2020October 13, 2020 by 5lb Purpose

Happy 18 birthday, Emma

Published on October 2, 2020October 2, 2020 by 5lb Purpose

18 years ago, I received the most amazing gift from God: the title mom. The courier was Miss Emma Leigh Anne Latier. Even though I’m not part of her life, I think about her every single day, and I’m thankful for the years I had her in my life. She is a magnificent young lady, and I’m proud of the person she has become. I pray for her future, that it’s more clear, and more joyful than my past. She probably won’t see this, but as a mother I have to share my celebration with the world. I love her more than she could possibly imagine.

I know I said I wasn’t going to blog, but I’ll do anything to show Emma I love her. 🖤🖤🖤

13 reasons why this is my last blog

Published on September 5, 2020September 18, 2020 by 5lb Purpose

Be careful how you treat people.

Don’t be a bully.

You don’t know what goes on in anyone’s life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can’t be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re messing with their entire life. Everything. . . affects everything.
Jay Asher, Thirteen Reasons Why

Tim, the truth is, I did love you. I loved listening to music with you.

I loved honking and smiling at strangers.

I loved sharing common interests.

I loved spending time doing fun things with our kids.

Yes, I loved you, even though I wasn’t in love with you.

As I was driving to an assignment in Walhonding, I was listening to a lot of bands I found out we both liked after the shit went down— State Champs, ADTR, Our Last Night, Memphis May Fire, plus more.

You were my best friend for SO LONG.