The end of Eddie Money

I apologize and give my appreciation in advance to you for reading this. This entry is, basically, pouring my heart out. I’m not sure who reads these, if anyone, but I’m not writing it for you. Google ‘journaling therapy’ to get more facts on this process. It really is helping me.

Journaling can:

  • Help us release what we truly feel on the inside
  • Give us a better understanding of our point of view, as well as encourage us to view others points of view
  • A life story, including the opportunity to go back and review later
  • Get to know yourself. Do introspect and evaluate whether you need to make changes
  • Pass it down. Someday, my daughters will view this and see how hard I’m working to become a better person.
  • Process your feelings. When you write them, you get them out of your heart so that your mind can process them.

If you are down on yourself alot, journaling is a great way to get around this and discover that your life is truly worth living.

My friends, Ri and Mikey, have been such a huge support to me during my veganistic transition, in addition to putting up with me quite a bit for non-vegan related matters🤦‍♀️. I do enjoy Mikey and I’s Youtube binge-sessions and look forward to Ri and I’s Brooklyn 99 binge-sessions, now that I showed her why Gina Linetti is my spirit animal. 🐺🐭😂

I spent some time with my great Aunt and Uncle today, and we talked quite a bit about not only how awesome my parents are, and how my dad can build a Lowe’s Distribution Center with rubber cement and a stick, but how when you stop and think about it, we have a lot to be thankful for.


My parents raised me well, and it has taken, what, (how old am I, 30😉)35 years to grasp how I need to take care of the things I have. A good friend of mine asked me yesterday what I wanted for Christmas… a big thing. I couldn’t think of a thing! If there is something I need, I sell stuff on eBay or Facebook marketplace to get the money for it. If I don’t really need it, I end up talking myself out of it. I don’t know if it’s maturity, self-respect, or both… but…

I’m content with the blessings I have. I have a beautiful home, I’m (somewhat) healthy, 3 beautiful daughters, quite a few friends, loving parents, a confident/accomplished attorney that has faith in me, hope, self-assurance, and God.

I miss my daughters quite a bit.

I’m doing everything I can to grow from the depression that had consumed me for years, and detonated when I had my accident in 2015. I’ve never been a perfect person, but in 2009 my heart was irreparably broken and I didn’t handle it well.



My faith in God took a hit, I started taking things in my life for granted, thankfully I never abused drugs or alcohol, but I buried my problems with work and failed relationships. When I had my accident, I left a mess and 2 months later, I woke up to a bigger mess, and a broken heart. I tried to repair that mess with a relationship that encouraged me to compromise my integrity, thus putting me into a deeper depression and causing more problems for myself.

Toward the end of that mistake, I got diagnosed, psychologically, and everything that held me down for years, clicked. Unfortunately, that mistake has done irreparable damage, and the person on the other end of the mistake does not want to accept responsibility for his mistakes, or forgive. It’s sad, but given the brief time we socialized, I recall a dark-side that is very troubled. I, sincerely, hope that person can rise from that stronghold and become a better person. Only time will tell.

The silver-lining is that all of this mess forced me to take responsibility for my mistakes and my life, participate in therapy to learn from and grow, not just for my daughters,but for me. Despite the oubliette I am in, I’m in the strongest place, mentally, I’ve ever been. I’m truly happy and I can enjoy life. I have a confidence and self-respect I’ve never had, and it grows by the day. I’m not consumed with hatred because that would give my enemies energy that I want to keep, selfishly.

Wow. This was a lot longer than I planned. Thank you for reading and send positive vibes, please. ✌️

Put your money where your mouth is ☺️

I’m learning to respect myself and it’s giving me more confidence to talk to people. I’m slowly learning to handle myself more appropriate with people I talk to, which I haven’t always done. That incorporated with being my own worst enemy was a bad combination.

I’m accepting responsibility for that deficiency.

I have my youngest daughter to thank for teaching me to focus on making myself a better person, along with her being the inspiration for 5lb Purpose. Whenever I see a pregnant mother, or a mother with a newborn, I take her a business card and offer our Facebook support group if she intends on breastfeeding. I have met some wonderful ladies by doing that. 💜💜💜

I went to my favorite thrift store today and the cashier stated that she sees me in often, and often she can tell something is bothering me, but she said she can also see I’m trying very hard to smile and stay strong. She also told me she was praying for me. That strength that God is giving me, I can not take credit for.Emotionally, I am in the best place I have ever been, despite the turmoil that tries to consume my life. Shortly after I left there, I stopped by another store. There was a gentleman looking at cords and plugs. Because of the courage 5lb Purpose has given me, I started an interesting conversation with said gentleman about one of my new obsessions, smart plugs. Then we discussed the security cameras in my house. We stood their and chat for, roughly, 4 hours😂. I walked away with a big smile on my face because I am learning that by accepting responsibility for my past and putting forth effort to move forward, I encounter some great people and hold decorous conversations ☺️ Yesterday, I stopped by one of past boyfriend’s grandmother’s house to chat. We held a very good conversation and I remembered so many good memories that I had with her. I was able to apologetically accept responsibility for my past, and thankfully she suggested we leave it there. We had a great visit and great conversation.

I’m learning to respect myself before I try to respect anyone else.

As hard as it was to take that first step, I’m so thankful I did because tomorrow isn’t promised. I have a lot of good memories with him and his family, I will hold on to those.

It’s unfortunate that I can’t repair some of the situations in my past because there are certain people that have made it impossible for me to reason with them. They’ve negatively made up their mind about me, and that’s unfortunate. It wouldn’t be that much of a concern if it didn’t involve my daughters… There is so much animosity, hatred, and war.

I want peace, but for that to happen, the strategy must be reciprocal.

Clutch puppy🐾👜

As many of you may know, I have always had a love for Yorkshire Terriers. They are small, cute, and do not aggravate my allergies. I have been blessed to have a couple Yorkies throughout my life, but I’ve been so busy and preoccupied that I haven’t given the attention they deserve.

After my wreck, a clutch puppy adopted me (he’s not a purse puppy because he’s barely 5 pounds, Pipsqueak was bigger than him when she was born). He has his own car seat in the passenger seat, I leave the tv on for him when I leave him home (which is rare). I used to make his dog food which I may start doing again, after I do some vegan research… I make a great effort to treat him well.

About once a week, I spend the night with my friends out of town, who have a Dorgi (Dachshund/Corgi) and 2 cats. Their Dorgi, Princess Magnolia Margarine Stasik (Maggie), and Diesel get along very well, but the cats, Stewart and Louise, intimidate him quite a bit. Early on, he flipped out quite a bit, but after he realized they were not nice to anyone they approve, he has been handling himself better. Even that is arbitrary haha. Strangers that you know don’t like you can be foreboding and can cause erratic, defensive nature, but Diesel is learning (like I am) that it’s easier to just let people (or cats) ruin their lives instead of causing problems with your erratic, defensive nature…

Its not worth the energy or stress.

So in conclusion, Diesel has reminded me that even though cats and girl dogs he doesn’t know can be intimidating, if you handle yourself well and stay calm and rational (instead of enervated and debilitate) they will not be worth your timorous comportment. I honestly think he is strong and rational enough to not fear a bulldog, as rough-skinned and intimidating as they are. He’s teaching me a lot for being a 4lb clutch puppy. ✌️😉🤙

Thrifty-shmifty 💵 💰

Ok. So… I don’t mean to brag but I am pretty thrifty. My parents raised me with the concept that, “anyone can have anything they want, just not everything.” I’m incredibly proud of how economical and intelligent my parents are, I wish I would have listened to them years ago.

I’m proud to say I own the title to my Honda Odyssey and the deed to my home, which feels very good.

I have thrifty things that I do to earn money… I’m proud to say my 11 year old daughter, Lillian-Pillian, taught me how to “shopkick”.

Because of overall thriftiness, and selling things on eBay (thanks Mikey for the suggestion), I was able to make some VERY exciting purchases for my birthday! As the world may already know, I love love love coffee ☕️. I purchased myself a Keurig 2.0 575 (or something 🤷‍♀️) Happy birthday to me!!

I barely spent anything on it because of my thrifty nature (not couponing 😷) . My mother taught me everything I know, and my love and admiration for her is a blog for another day. And my dad… I’m a “daddy’s girl”. You could give him a toothpick and a jar of rubber cement and end up with a Lowe’s distribution center. 💪

I love you, Mom and Dad 💜💜💜

Anywho, I got a new Keurig, and WiFi smart plugs. I kind of what to go back and buy 17 more😍. I have my living room lights on timers for security, and my Bath & Body Works wallflowers on timers to save money and avoid overwhelming scents.

While I was out shopping, I got presents for my friends, family, and most importantly, my daughters.

It’s cliche to say, but Christmas isn’t about presents, it’s about loving the time you have with people dear to your heart. I can not wait to hug my 2 oldest daughters on Wednesday and feel their positive auras shine into my soul.

I’ve been wondering about a presentless Christmas. The holiday anxiety seems to come from presents. Christmas without presents is simply Thanksgiving with more decorations and snow. One thing that I have learned over the years is that gifts aren’t about the dollar, they are more about what’s in your heart. Whether I spend $1 or $170, my heart is the remunerator. Again, sorry to throw out an abundance of cliches, but gifts of the heart are more distinguished than gifts from the wallet. I’m proud to know that Emma and Lily have been raised with that mentality. It’s obvious because of the gifts they gave me while they were growing up. Their hearts are so big.Speaking of my daughters, I got them each a handful of presents that are PERFECT for them! Don’t tell Alyssa, but I got her a play kitchen. Shhhhh! 🤫

I may have got Emma a guitar 🎸 amp and I may have got Lily a pink hoodie. I wonder what it says on it? 😉 #Logang#maybenot🙃

Actions speak louder than words…

Words without actions don’t speak. For years, I have been meaning to visit 2 very important people from my childhood, my neighbors. Last year, the local newspaper did a story on the husband. My grandma, who I also need to visit soon, told me the retirement home they are in. The words I spoke were, “I’m going to visit them very soon!” but the actions were not happening. Well, due to a message from my bestie today, I started thinking about the idiom, actions speak louder than words. I’m learning from things that happen to me daily and implementing my new knowledge into actions.

We’ve probably all had an experience with the car with the bumper sticker “What would Jesus Do?” and then, recklessly cutting another person off, sending a contradictory message. St. Francis noted this in particular when he suggested that people preach the gospel but “use words if necessary.” What he meant was that sending God’s message to the world could be active instead of verbal, and that words were subordinate to action, consequently implicating, ‘practice what you preach.’

I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. Revelation 3:8

People can say anything, but when what they say and do are contradictory, it’s easier to judge by what is done instead of by what is said. The phrase “saying one thing and doing another,” is related to this idea.When people admonish to certain belief sets (religions/diets/lifestyle choices) that emphasize humility, but then do not act in a humble way, their actions are more telling than their professions of faith. For instance, I have been purchasing vegan groceries. I made a comment to the cashier that being vegan was a little expensive. I noticed her looking at the ingredients on the crescent rolls closely while I was looking in my wallet for my debit card… Yes, crescent rolls are vegan 😂 I wasn’t offended, I was slightly humored. There is nothing wrong with being physically held accountable for your words. I’m open to constructive criticism, as long as it’s coming in a civil, peaceful way, not a manipulative, evil way. If the cashier would have said, “hmmm this contains ____ I didn’t know you were allowed to eat that”, my reply would have been, “gosh, I didn’t even notice that! Thank you! 😊“When all is said and done, more is always said than done.”

Another personal example is, if my friend tells me you post on social media that you have given your heart to God, but your comportment suggests depravity, while I sincerely hope you have appointed God to be your admonition, if you are consumed with anger, hatred, and futility instead of peace, respect, and tranquility, it’s a little discouraging. I’m going to quote something my previous Pastor Joe told me a month or so ago, “a few moments of war are minimal in comparison to eternity of peace with (my) daughters if (I) pray for peace.”“Action speaks more powerfully than words, but when you use words as your actions, you probably won’t stop talking.”

We can apologize for our mistakes over and over, but if our actions do not show intention of reparation or remorse, our words are meaningless.

So in conclusion:

  1. Actions speak louder than words
  2. Practice what you preach
  3. Don’t say one thing and do another

  • A dog is not considered a good dog because of his bark.
  • An NFL draft pick isn’t compensatory pick because he claims to belong in the first round. (I know, I quoted sports. I’m VERY knowledgeable on baseball aka the NFL🙄😂)
  • A person isn’t necessarily economical simply because they open a savings account.

Actions show much more of a personal commitment than words do.

Nonchalant words contradict merited action. With actions, it shows that you have actually altered your behavior/put forth effort to make something happen. 💪

💯

Patience is giving me victory 🎉

For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer for it, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. -1Peter2:20

What that is saying is something that has taken me years to learn. Peter is not saying that suffering is a commendable thing. What is commendable is that one has submitted to God’s will and that he is suffering, not because he did something wrong, but because he did something right. In addition, he is not striking back, which is what his emotions would lead him to do.

We desire others—especially God—to be patient and forgiving toward us in our faults, but we don’t practice the same attitude and conduct toward those whose faults offend us. Patience is a two-way street, and God clearly demands reciprocity.

I’m done with the drama.

By turning the other cheek, I can rise from the ashes of past mistakes like a phoenix.

By not participating in drama, my life is so much easier.

I don’t have to acknowledge these proddings that are inflicted upon me.

The idiom sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt has never rang more true for me, than recently.

The things that were hurting me, were the reactions. I’m accepting responsibility for my mistakes and learning from them.

If I had just turned the other cheek, and patiently waited, nothing would have happened.

I do not seek the approval of strangers anymore. Many of these people injecting their thoughts into the situation are only spoon-fed bits of information they see on social media. I wrote about it, recently: Social media kills interpersonal communication🤦‍♀️

My reactions have become ammunition that has been used against me, but I am done with the drama, there won’t be anymore reactions. All I want is peace and positivity, and the world is starting to see that is true.

I chose to be my best friend.

Vegan is a vegan does 🐥

Well… I’m in the early stages of becoming vegan with information given to me by my best friend. Whether it’s the benefits of veganism or the placebo of respecting every living being, I’m embracing peace and happiness every morning that I wake up, and throughout my days. This is an interesting concept due to my well known love of steak 🥩. After watching some videos on the explanation of how animals are treated in production, it breaks my heart. What really got to me are the baby chicks 😢. I’m taking baby steps toward becoming vegan… I’m thinking I may research local facilities and purchase eggs locally by people that treat the hens respectfully until I can become a complete vegan. I’m a vegetarian first to slowly omit eggs and dairy, but dairy isn’t hard because I already drink almond milk.

I want peace and happiness for all living creatures.

Health benefits of being vegan

Controls Obesity

•higher fiber•lower animal protein intake•consuming grains, fruits, vegetables, nuts, and other plant-based products: all these options have very low amounts of fats, except for the nuts, which are a source of good fat but can cause weight gain if eaten in excess.

Treats Bronchial Asthma

Studies conducted to investigate the efficacy of a vegan diet in the treatment of bronchial asthma have shown promising results.

Prevents Cancer

Research studies have shown that a vegan diet aids in the prevention of various kinds of cancer like colon, lung, esophagus, breast, colorectal, and prostate cancer.

Improves Cardiovascular Health

The wealth of phytochemicals, antioxidants, and fiber present in fruits and vegetables, which cover the significant part of a vegan diet, aid in reduced incidences of stroke and ischemic heart disorder. In addition to this, the inclusion of nuts, whole grains, and soy products also adds to the protective effect exerted by a vegan diet against the cardiovascular diseases.

Anti-aging Properties

Health measures like exercise, high fiber intake, and a low fat intake (part of a vegan diet) may help to deregulate the IGF-1 activity (which plays an important role in the aging process) and reduce the risk of age-related ailments.

Lowers Hypertension

A vegan diet has shown beneficial effects on cholesterol and blood pressure levels as compared to non-vegans.

Controls Diabetes

A vegan diet consists of plant-derived foods that are naturally high in complex carbohydrates and low in fats. These two factors reasonably contribute to controlling diabetes.

Maintains Healthy Bones

A vegan diet aids in maintaining the acid-base ratio, which is also a significant factor for bone health. The higher concentration of potassium and magnesium in fruits and vegetables provides alkalinity to the diet, which reduces bone resorption.

Treats Parkinson’s Disease

A vegan diet has been believed to provide a protective effect against Parkinson’s disease and is also helpful in supporting vascular health.

Treats Rheumatoid Arthritis

A vegan diet has been proven to be effective for patients suffering from rheumatoid arthritis, owing to the presence of a good amount of fiber, vitamin C, vitamin E, and carotenoids.

Lowers Homocysteine Levels

Scientific research has supported the fact that the consumption of a vegan diet, along with other health parameters like exercise and the prohibition of alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine helps in lowering the levels of homocysteine in the blood. Elevated levels of homocysteine in the blood can pose a risk for blood vessels and cardiac disorders, and may also lead to the clotting of blood in the veins.

Improves Overall Health

Vegan food helps to keep a check on common body ailments that usually do not let a person feel healthy and relaxed. The inclusion of vegan foods such as tofu enhances the ability of the body to manage stress. All these benefits improve general health and reduce the need for medication for such disorders. Veganism also helps to reduce the probability of needing certain surgeries like angioplasty, open heart surgery, and cancer treatment.

Consumption of less sugar and fats and more fruits and vegetables keeps the person more naturally energized and makes you look and feel good.

😂😂😂

Maturity starts when drama ends 💯

I really don’t understand how someone can be so unhappy and unsatisfied with their own life that they have to create drama to become noticed. If you’re reading this and feel the need to post something on social media stating you’re offended, I’m writing about you.

Arguing just to argue is bullying, it’s simply you demanding your point to be heard and not being open to listen and learn from others. 

‘Cluster B’ personality disorders:

They are characterized by dramatic, over-emotional, or unpredictable (erratic) thinking or behavior. The Cluster B personality disorders are also the most common of the personality disorders described in DSM-5.

There are 4 types of ‘cluster B’ personalities:

  1. Antisocial
  2. Borderline
  3. Narcissistic
  4. Histrionic

I know quite a bit about Borderline Personality Disorder and have been diagnosed with it. I have found DBT (as previously mentioned) to be a very helpful- it has been a miracle to me. As far as overly-dramatic personalities, it appears they line up with Narcissistic and Histrionics Personality Disorder, actually, without the right coping mechanisms, they can all be overly-dramatic.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

An inflated sense of self-importance is the key feature of narcissistic personality disorder. People with narcissistic personality disorder often believe that they’re “special,” more important than other people, and entitled to special treatment. They require excessive attention, take advantage of others, lack empathy, and are described by others as arrogant. People with narcissistic personality disorder also exaggerate their achievements and fantasize about being powerful, attractive, and successful. ***They have no interest in others’ feelings and needs, but they do have unreasonable expectations of what others should do for them. Sometimes they envy others, but they often believe that they are envied.

Histrionic Personality Disorder:

The central features of histrionic personality disorder are intense, dramatic expressions of emotion that shift rapidly and excessive, attention-seeking behavior. ***People with histrionic personality disorder constantly seek out attention and are uncomfortable when others are receiving it. They may often engage in dramatic, seductive, or sexually provocative behavior or use their physical appearance to draw attention to themselves. ***Additional features of people with histrionic personality disorder include:

  • Relationships that are not as strong as the person thinks they are
  • Shallow, rapidly shifting emotions
  • Strong, dramatic statements of opinion
  • The tendency to be easily influenced by others

Constant drama is not only emotionally draining to the person creating it, but to anyone associated with the person.

Signs that you are dealing with a highly dramatic person:

  • The person has the capacity to make the smallest issues into a major event.
  • The person usually dominates every conversation.
  • When the person does withdraw, they do it in a very attention grabbing way that manages to focus all energy toward them.
  • They seem to always be on stage or putting on a performance.
  • They find it easier to see the negative than the positive.
  • They have a way of speaking to people that creates tension.

Most importantly, don’t get caught up in the drama. Take a step back so you can see things clearly.

Borderline Personality Disorder:

BPD is associated with specific problems in interpersonal relationships, self-image, emotions, behaviors, and thinking. People with BPD tend to have unstable, intense relationships with conflict, many arguments, and frequent break-ups. They fear being abandoned. They often have a negative image of themselves, and they report many “ups and downs” in how they feel about themselves. They may say they feel as if they’re on an emotional roller coaster with very quick shifts in mood, such as going from feeling okay to feeling depressed within a few minutes. ***People with BPD often engage in risky behaviors, such as going on shopping sprees, drinking excessive amounts of alcohol or abusing drugs, engaging in promiscuous sex,binge eating, or self-harming (for example, cutting themselves or threatening or attempting suicide).

Antisocial Personality Disorder:

According to DSM-5, antisocial personality disorder is a “pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in early childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood.” ***People with antisocial personality disorder have been described as lacking empathy, which is the ability to “put yourself in someone else’s shoes” in order to understand their feelings. ***They often act irresponsibly, lie, steal, or repeatedly break the law. Antisocial personality disorder is also linked to impulsive behavior, aggression (such as repeated physical assaults), disregard for one’s own or others’ safety, irresponsible behavior, and lack of remorse.

Sources:

Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD | Reviewed by Steven Gans, MD. “What You Should Know About the Cluster B Personality Disorders.” Verywell, http://www.verywell.com/the-cluster-b-personality-disorders-425429.

Chapman, Alexander L. “Dialectical Behavior Therapy: Current Indications and Unique Elements.” Psychiatry (Edgmont), Matrix Medical Communications, Sept. 2006, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2963469/.

Patience is not simply waiting…

I said it before… but patience is not simply waiting, it’s how you behave while you are waiting. Throughout my life, I have worn myself out by hastily pushing ahead, trying to do achieve results in my own way at my own time. Within the 34th anniversary on this earth, I have learned that when I cease and humble myself, admitting that I have no strength without Him, the Lord sustains me with both emotional and spiritual energy. There is no earthly explanation for what my Creator is willing and able to do in a yielded human being. Therapy has helped me quite a bit in learning the art of patience, amongst many other admonitions. Today, I was researching RIE parenting, which I have researched many times throughout my journey of motherhood. Within the last year, I have learned respect more than I ever could have, which is one of the core benefits of RIE parenting. Acknowledging emotion and showing respect are the 2 biggest concepts of RIE parenting.

Recently, I have been harassed by people that think know me, and 2 things they are failing to accept is: my broken heart/emotion, and failing to show respect. Unfortunately, that is causing damage to my daughters, which proves to me they are negative influences on my daughters, which they fail to accept. Blaming others for your own faults, I have personally learned, is unhealthy. I have stated many times that I am aware I have made mistakes and look forward to growing and learning from them every day. I truly hope that others learn that instead of blaming and looking for fault in other persons, it is ok to say,

“I made a mistake and I’m going to make an increased effort to not do it anymore.” •Stephanie Tilley

Here are some other helpful quotes about strength:

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. •Mahatma Gandhi

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength. •Arnold Schwarzenegger

You never know how strong you are… until being strong is the only choice you have. •Cayla Mills

People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built. •Eleanor Roosevelt

Nothing is more beautiful than the smile that has struggled through the tears. •Demi Lovato

I’ve had a great couple of days with 2 very dear people in my life. They are helping me to stay rational and stay positive as I struggle to improve myself.

I got a belated birthday card from my Grandma Tilley with love and prayers, which brightened my day.

I am proud to say that for the first time in my life, I’m happy, and it’s because I’m accepting responsibility for my poor choices and growing stronger. I am worth the new Northface jacket✔️, an upgraded Keurig coffee maker✔️, and most-importantly, self-respect✔️.I am going shopping with a very dear friend in the morning to research veganism and purchase items to resume crocheting. 💜

OK Computer

As we discussed the other day, I’m learning how to stay strong and more positive everyday. I’m learning, with the help of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that there are 2 mindsets:

  1. Rational mind
  2. Emotional mind

With DBT, I’m learning to instinctively create a ‘wise mind’. It appears that people that don’t like me are, and have been, trying to provoke emotional responses out of me. Wise mind has given me the peace to not ‘look’ for said provocations. When friends warn me of provocations, I kindly respond that it bothers me (emotional mind), but I’d rather not know unless is a threat to my life or my daughters lives (rational mind). The result is me praying, privately at home, for peace to come over them and dominate their souls (wise mind).

What I’m learning is that by not forcing things, the truth reveals itself in time.

Another thing that I’m doing is blogging. I’ve been encouraged by my therapist to write a journal, but I’ve had a hard time doing it. I’m keeping a journal for my youngest daughter, Alyssa, for her to read someday. It talks about my love for her and things I do for her, like changing clothes out of her drawers when she changes sizes (she has more clothes than i do!), or I meet with a friend for information about the Facebook breastfeeding support group she was the inspiration for… 5lb Purpose. When she was born, she was my 5-pound 3-ounce wake-up call, but she has taught me so much in the 18 months she has been on this planet, heck, she started 8 months before she took her first breath. I tell her that, regularly, while I’m journaling. She has taught me that even though I think being a mother is my purpose, I am my purpose. I don’t write anything negative about her father and his girlfriend because I respect that they are in her life and I hope someday they will learn to respect my place in her life, too. I wish we could just put the fighting aside and focus on Pipsqueak’s happiness. I have lost so much time with her, but I am being rewarded with hope that things will not always be this way and a few months in comparison to eternity with her is not hard at all when you look at it with hope. Thank you for reading and visit again soon 💜This is what you get when you mess with us ✌️