Month: May 2019

Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here)

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Unfortunately, I am unable to express my side of the story. When I say story, story is a loaded word. “Story” pertains to my feelings and what I expect from others as well as what I want.

I might ramble on and sound like a broken record, but the fact is, I want to bury the hatchet and work towards peace and harmony. I imagine that people like to sit around in a circle and share their favorite negative stories about me. That’s okay. We all grow and change. I guess the hardest part is that the other side of the coin really doesn’t want to get along and work together.

Some people may say that I am an unfit mother. They can go around in circles and try to convince others of this, but I know that I am more than capable of raising my 3 year old and her one month old brother. I never waste a moment with them and show them how much love I have.

On any given day, we are partaking in library story-time, ballet class, walks to the park, field trips to the local art museum, signing/vocabulary/general lessons that help foster numerous motor and mental skills that will help them develop into model children any parent would be proud of.

Those that still want to hold power over can try as they might, but time and time again, I am more than capable of showing that I have grown and am able to nurture my children. I also have medical records that certify that with the use of dialectic behavioral therapy, amongst many other self-growth measures I am and have utilized, I am making an effort to grow, positively, daily.

When Alyssa and Noah look back, they’re going to see that they had an amazing childhood. Nobody or no action will be able to take that from them.

I do regret that I am not able to provide for my elder children the way I can for my younger ones. There are many forces that are working against me, and I am unsure of how to overcome those. Those forces harbor a lot of hatred toward me. When I try to show grace and humility, I am shut down.

I love all of my children. I wish I could show it better and more often to my oldest. I realize I made mistakes in their childhood, but I hope they understand how much I loved and cared for them. I overlooked so much that was destroying me in an attempt to give them the life I hoped for them. I loved taking them on field trips (Wisconsin, Washington D.C., to see their dads family in New York, planetarium and Land Between the Lakes state park in Kentucky), kitchen projects, make-overs, deep discussions in the living room over Good Luck Charlie… I hope they cherish those memories as much as I do.

Thanks for stopping by, come again soon.

i had to hide the camera to record her so you could see the uninhibited young lady i see every minute i am with her 💖👩‍👧

*Joseph Trohman, Pete Wentz, Andrew Hurley, Patrick Stump, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, 2003

Happy Mother’s Day!

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As a mother, I have learned a lot prior to this Mother’s Day.

Most recently, I have become in contact with my step-mother… I have learned that hostility is hereditary. I have been against step-mothers because I was trained, emotionally and hereditarily, to be against them.

Don’t get me wrong– I have been exposed to some evil hostility in step-mothers that reinforced my negative assessment.

Maggie, I forgive you if we can be civil and not try to eliminate or replace each other. Respect my position as a loving mother that has been in a disgusting war with both the fathers of her daughters and do not wish to share her position with Michelle, Linda, Margaret, or whomever. I meant the text I sent this morning wishing you a happy Mother’s Day.

My stepmom has a special name– La la. It’s not mammaw or mugga, she’s not out to replace. She is simply out to love.

Since I have reconnected with her, I have discovered a new respect for the people associated with my children, and I apologize that I have acted so carelessly, but accept my apology.

Proverbs 22:6 says to train up a child in the way they should go, and when they are old, they should not depart from it.

I was trained step-parents are enemies. It was very black and white- my biological mom threatened my step-mom 30 years after I had been alienated from her. I was an adult and had no indication that there was still drama being instigated by my biological mother. When I found out, I was absolutely disgusted. It caused me to reflect on my children’s lives. I’ve never had a problem with my older daughters because their dad normally had brief relationships with younger coworkers, such as myself. Now that he’s dating a significantly older woman, he has become hell-bent on replacing me, and has, based on the fact they seem to be a happy family taking vacations and whatnot.

As I stated previously, I was told Tim had no interest in reconciliation by someone that should not have known that, and moments later he confirmed that accusation. I’m not sure if he really believes the lies he construed, or he’s using that as mental-permission to act like a total piece of shit, but I certainly did not ask his sexbuddy/drug addict friends father to kill him. I actually rejected sexual advances from that same man, so the testimony I asked him to harm Tim at Waffle House was absurd.

Anywho, I’m trying to be more respectful to Alyssa’s dad and stepmom. Her dad is cordial, for the most part, and I appreciate that.

Alyssa went on a field trip with a friend and his daughter, I have a feeling it is to get a gift for me and his wife *wink*, so I’m going to hold my son, enjoy this glass of wine, and watch a couple episodes from the new season of Lucifer.

Happy Mother’s Day, ladies, and Happy Early Fathers Day to you dudes out there 😊