I just don’t know what to believe.

I tried to be respectful and amicable to one of my enemies. He declined my effort, which was advised would happen by someone that SHOULD NOT know he was not interested in moving forward in a more positive manner.

How can someone that claims to be a follower of Christ decline an attempt at peace?

Hypocrisy is how that can happen.

Here are some scriptures that relate to that:

John 8:44 ESV

You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

John 13:34 ESV

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

Ephesians 4:26 ESV

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,

Ephesians 4:1-3 ESV

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

1 Corinthians 14:3 ESV

On the other hand, the one who prophesies speaks to people for their upbuilding and encouragement and consolation.

Titus 3:3 ESV

For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another.

2 Timothy 1:7 ESV

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Philippians 4:12-13 ESV

I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:6 ESV

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Philippians 4:5 ESV

Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;

Philippians 2:1-5 ESV

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,

Philippians 2:1-4 ESV

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

1 John 4:2 ESV

By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God,

1 Peter 3:10-11 ESV

For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.

James 3:17-18 ESV

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Hebrews 13:20 ESV

Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant,

Hebrews 12:11 ESV

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

1 John 4:20 ESV

If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.

Walk to Emmaus part 1

I’m currently enjoying my time Walking to Emmaus, so I will make this short.

God has spoke to me about some pretty important things this weekend.

Wednesday night I was absolutely crushed because it hit me that my oldest daughters and my parents do not want me in their lives, or to be in my life. I take responsibility that I have made mistakes, I have not been perfect. I also place blame on my ex husband, Tim Latier, for provoking, defaming, and encouraging hatred toward me because of mistakes I am taking blame for (mind you he is not taking any responsibility for any of the things he has done to irreparably damage me).

I came here Thursday afternoon burdened with a broken heart.

  • Since that time, God has spoke to me. I haven’t done everything He has spoken, but it has given me direction.
  • I’m 33 weeks pregnant and in a quite a bit of discomfort.

  • Stop complaining. There are women that pray to get an opportunity to carry a baby, despite the pain it causes. I am completely blessed with a very healthy and active baby that God is forming in my body. Stop complaining.
  • My older daughters don’t want me in their lives.

  • Perhaps someday they will, there is nothing I can do to change their interest in having the mother that was devoted to them for most of their lives, in their life. Appreciate the daughter I have the ability to raise and have an AMAZING relationship with. I enjoy every moment with her, like it’s a gift from God. Oh wait… IT IS!
  • Most of my family, including my parents, want nothing to do with me because of the custody drama and defamation with and from my ex-husband.

  • While Walking to Emmaus, I have embraced and learned how many people God has brought into my life. Stacy and Mike have showed Alyssa and I love that I have NEVER felt from a majority of my family.
  • Patti has become such a positive role model and friend.
  • Mikey, Mariah, Jessica, Stephanie, Bethany, the list goes on. I have SO MANY PEOPLE that love me, I’m beyond blessed. I would rather have a handful of people that love my heart and soul, than I would a dozen-or-so blood relatives that are nice to me on holidays. This evening, I was surprised by hundreds of people that were praying for the group I was with, and 4 specific people from the church i am a member of/friends that were praying for me, individually. Brought tears to my eyes.
  • God also told me to forgive Tim. I will work on it. After I prayed and asked God to remove the hatred I had for him, I returned to my seat and talked with the woman beside me, stating I felt calloused- like it really didn’t impact my emotion to know I was burdened by such a severe hatred of that guy, and right then, the band started playing one of my baby girl’s FAVORITE songs, Name. I burst into tears. That little girl is my heart and soul, she ministers to me in everything she says and does. Back to that lesson from God, CHERISH HER instead of missing my older daughters.

    Thank you, God, for speaking to me.

    Thanks for stopping by! More later… stay tuned for part 2 🙂

    My daughters part 2

    I’m so incredibly hurt that Tim Latier and his family has done nothing but try to eliminate me from my daughters lives. I was told today that he was the one that suggested they talk to the judge… i know that’s because he is fairly confident they will tell the judge they aren’t interested in having me in their lives. That is such a severe knife in my back. I miss the girls quite a bit, but I’m mentally preparing myself to not be their mother anymore. I feel like a step mom to them… I’m out of their lives and he replaces me with his girlfriends. I’m not sure how someone could be so evil to a mother. I’m slowly eliminating them out of my house. I have boxes of their crafts and school papers that I’m going to throw away because as I lie here sobbing, they are just thorns of the life that Tim Latier has taken from me.

    My daughters

    I don’t know if this is how my daughters feel, or they really don’t want me in their lives. I feel like if they wanted me in their lives, they would fight for me to be in it. I may not have been the best mom, but I tried my damned hardest. I took them out to breakfast, took them to events, to the zoo, played games with them, cooked fun meals with them, and I haven’t had a relationship with them in 4 years. I certainly hope they haven’t thrown me away so easily and so quickly. At least I have my youngest and her brother, on the way. I really wanted my daughters to be part of this pregnancy, but I’m not even sure he will meet his sisters.

    Gone Girl

    I accidentally started watching a movie the other day that holds a lot of negative connotations.

    I mentioned it a year or so ago, because a girl in my youngest daughter and I’s life is just as deceitful (not necessarily as intelligent or calculated) as the main character. I made the mistake of mentioning it on Facebook and she reciprocated, accusing me of being that same character. I was pretty irresponsible for even posting the anonymous insight, she was beyond immature for retaliating it was me.

    She has done nothing but attempt to make my life miserable for going on 4 years…

    Deep down in my soul, I want revenge for the years she has encouraged my youngest’s dad to take from me, and slander my reputation, below her self-sabotaged reputation.

    Revenge… I will get to that…

    As I was watching that disturbed movie, I had a new realization. For those of you who haven’t seen Gone Girl, here is a synopsis I get from it: they are a happily married couple with normal complications in their marriage. They look like a “picture perfect” couple, have a great social life, many common interests and hobbies… until he cheats on her with an underage apprentice. She breaks. It destroys her personality.

    Unlike her, I didn’t strive to destroy him. I let him sleep on the couch in my apartment (with our daughters) while our divorce was pending. I single-handedly provided for our family while he used government pity to obtain a college degree. Once our divorce approached judgment, I did not even request child support because he was in no position to be able to provide it.

    We remained close when he wasn’t directed by his mom to make my life miserable. I had many, many opportunities to achieve revenge on him, but didn’t. He drank vodka like water and popped pills he bought from his employees, heck he was even dating a significantly-younger employee. When he made the false-accusation of me attempting to murder him, which wasn’t true at all, I did start to reveal his skeletons. He obviously had a problem of sexual lust with teenage girls, so I brought that to the cupcake factory he worked for’s, attention. He was released and didn’t accept responsibility for his past sins, he blamed me for bringing it up. To this day, I have YET to see or hear him accept responsibility for his mistakes. All he has done is try to destroy me. My daughters have deleted me from their life because he allows them to do whatever they want and buys them whatever they want. He also gets around $500 a month of my disability for them. I NEVER GOT A FREAKING PENNY OF HELP FROM HIM. I now drive a Honda Odyssey that’s older than my oldest, while he drives a fancy-schmancy yuppie Acura. Need I add he’s suing me for attorney fees related to our legal disputes regarding our daughters? Yeah, put your head around that one.

    In the movie Gone Girl, I’m jealous of her cold, apathetic approach to her (ex)husband. I wish I could be that evil, I’m not (despite Margaret accusing me of being so). I was so nice to him after the hell he put me through (most of my adult life), unapologetically. He destroyed my view on love, life, family, happiness, et al.

    And I was so regrettably nice to him.

    If I were to have the chance to do it all over again, would I do things differently? Definitely. With the knowledge I have of dialectical behavior therapy, I would create more strict boundaries. I wouldn’t have made those minimal attempts at revenge that were pennies in comparison to the millions of dollars of hell he has served me over the last 19 years I have known him.

    Revenge has been on my mind. Could I pay people to lie, like he did? Say they asked him to murder me? Yes, I could. But unlike him, I have a conscience and I’m a decent person. Revenge has been on my mind constantly.

    Today, God had a talk with me at church. The sermon was:

    Yep. I am.

    Sermon notes: see below

    I need to work hard to forgive Maggie, Brad, Tim, and their circles

    Lord, I ask that You show them the error of their ways, as You have showed me and are showing me the errors of my ways. I release the pretension I have toward those people with the faith You are in control of their thoughts and actions, past and present. Amen

    Thanks for stopping by and come again soon.

    Sermon notes:

    What are You Thinking? Stuck in the Past

    ==========

    How is your thought life?

    2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

    ———————

    Pretension

    ———————

    When our mind lives in the past, it forms patterns and habits of behavior today.

    ———————

    Don’t think of revenge on Tim

    Mom being a rough mom has made me a better mom.

    ———————

    Romans 12:2 NIV Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

    Some new habits of thinking:

    ———————

    Train your mind to obey

    ———————

    1. Form a habit of forgiving.

    ———————

    Make it a second nature

    ———————

    Ephesians 4:22-24, 32 NIV You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self… 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

    Forgive yourself.

    ———————

    Let that thing go… set your mind free

    If God can forgive you, you can certainly forgive yourself

    ———————

    1 John 1:9 NIV If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

    2. Form a habit of empowerment.

    2 Timothy 1:7 NIV 2 Timothy 1:7 NIV For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

    3. Form a habit of focusing forward.

    ———————

    Form a habit of forgiving

    Learn from your past

    Right on red: focus on the future, if they turn, not in the past thinking they are going to turn

    ———————

    Philippians 3:12-14 NIV …I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me… 13 …Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

    Action Steps:

    1. Bring something or someone from your past to the cross, and let them go.

    2. Step out in faith, do that thing you’ve hesitated to do.

    Thought of the day… er, yesterday

    Faith is a personal sentiment. If we are judging and criticizing others, we aren’t investigating ourselves. Just show love and kindness to others. Don’t tell them how to think or to feel…

    I was using my love for my daughter as an analogy:

    Do you know I love Alyssa?

    Of course.

    How? Do I tell you regularly and/or make efforts to convince you?

    No, you’re constantly focused on her when you have her, and showing her you love her. She’s always dressed so cute and you’re always doing fun, educational stuff with her.

    Moral of the story: let your faith, morals, and ethics guide who you are and who you want to be. Convincing people that “you are right, etc” does nothing but cause arduous disputes. “A city on a hill can not be hidden.” Matthew 5:14

    Chapter is closing

    I don’t know what to tell you, Mike. I completely understand, they have moved on without me and are being manipulated by their dad, like I was when I was Emma’s age. Maybe they will love me when they are in their 30’s and can see that ALL HE HAS DONE FOR 4 YEARS IS PROVOKE ME WITHOUT ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY. He’s by no means perfect, so he needs to stop pointing the finger. His daughters will ultimately be punished when they never get to know their brother. Instead of suing me for money (while you live with mommy and daddy and drive an Audi) be a respectful father and have a civil conversation with their mother. Then, you won’t have to have Brad stalk me. The drama is ALL on your side.

    I wish you girls the best. I cherish the happy memories before this atrocious war started.

    Please, don’t ever forget our kitchen parties with cake pops, pie pops, donut pops, and whatever we could come up with. We used to experiment with what we could make in the waffle maker.

    It’s weird if you don’t understand that I woke up from a coma with NOTHING (no baby, no house, no car, no job) and the guy that sat by my side the whole time didn’t want anything to do with me. Took my girls away when I cried. He then joined forces with my ex boyfriend to (try) and take my baby.

    Since that time, I have been consistently provoked. Constant death threats, being put down by the fathers of my daughters. NO I HAVE NOT HANDLED IT WELL. Your dad has made NO EFFORT to make things better (or even communicate with me in 3 years), he has done nothing but provoke, degrade, and try to eliminate me. He has been successful.

    I will always love you. Remember the good times.

    You haven’t always hated me.

    One step forward, two steps back

    As I have stated before, I have a lot to be thankful for.

    It is rough this Christmas, though.

    The court orders have made it so that I won’t get to spend time with my older daughters and my parents. My parents were put into a position where it was either with me, or my girls. My parents chose the girls. I have never, really, been close to my family, as I was adopted. I am not accustomed to this scenario.

    My ex-husband is and has done everything to eliminate me out of my daughters lives, and he has been pretty successful. What’s hard though is before my wreck, I had full-custody of them (and didn’t even realize). I got along with their dad (as long as I told him what he wanted to hear). He, unfortunately, is very manipulative, and he’s fashioning my daughters in that direction. He is doing EVERYTHING he can to fight the judges order for therapy between my daughters and I. I want therapy. I want things to get better, he doesn’t. I have no idea what I can do to get things on the right path. I feel as though everything I do is wrong. I will keep praying.

    My youngest daughter’s father is somewhat mature and reasonable. There has been an increasing number of people affiliated with his circle that have been going out of their way to harass me. I don’t know what I can do to avoid this. I don’t want to get off of Facebook. I’m debating getting a new phone number just so these people will not be able to contact me. Between the multiple fake fb accounts and random numbers messaging me, they are driving me to mental exhaustion. Again, I will need to pray for guidance.

    I know I have a lot of baggage. Between court orders to see my kids, and the fact that I don’t get along with people, I am alienated from my family this Christmas season.

    I’m so very thankful for a great church with many of the members to call family, and I have some other great friends I can really depend on.

    I know this blog isn’t going to help things, but I’m just frustrated that I seem to be the only one that wants things to get better. My family (Denise, namely) possesses the mentality to block what you don’t like, to be happy. I can’t do that because every time I block people, they just create a new fake account.

    I will keep praying for my daughters and my exes.

    I just have to appreciate my family: Alyssa, baby boy (due 5/2019), and my close friends/church family.

    Merry Christmas

    Thanks for stopping by

    My world watching Supergirl as I type 🥰

    Scriptures to look at

    Matthew 7:1-5
    “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

    John 8:7

    When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 

    Luke 6:35

    But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 

    James 4:11-12

    Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?

    Romans 2:1

    You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.

    Romans 12:16-18

    Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

    1 Corinthians 6:1-6

    If any of you has a dispute with another, do you dare to take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the Lord’s people? Or do you not know that the Lord’s people will judge the world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more the things of this life! Therefore, if you have disputes about such matters, do you ask for a ruling from those whose way of life is scorned in the church? I say this to shame you. Is it possible that there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers? But instead, one brother takes another to court—and this in front of unbelievers!

    THIS⬇️⬇️⬇️

    1 John 2:9

    Those who say that they are in the light but hate other believers are still in the dark.

    Matthew 5:11

    Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.

    Revelation 21:8

    But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.