Lying awake at 2am

Wondering if I will ever be part of my older daughters lives.

I’m really confused at why a “Christian” (Tim Latier) would make up defacing lies and eliminate his daughters mother from their lives.

I have nightmares almost every night of him and/or Linda telling me off. They haunt me. That makes Jesus look HORRIBLE that they claim to “know” Him. I drove to my daughter’s work the other day to order some take out, but gave up before I even went in to order.

They have no idea how much I miss them. I doubt they care.

I am completely blessed with with Alyssa and Noah, but they don’t replace Emma and Lillian. I wish I had a chance to start over, but they have forgot I exist. I’m happy with who I have become, unfortunately they will never know “me”.

#NewHopeFullGospel is their church. Pray for them. All of them.

Spring playtime
Pretending to eat
Restore Funtime
More springtime play
Ready for dance
After dance picnic pizza date
Stack em up!
Watching Songs for Littles
Exploring Alyssa’s room
Valentine’s Day 2021
They love each other 🖤
BFF time 👯‍♀️

I miss Emma and Lillian

I have said numerous times that I will sit in a room with Tim Latier and Linda Latier and silently listen to them list every single thing they don’t like about me, and every mistake I have made, if it gives me a chance to be a mother to my daughters that I’m estranged from.

I really don’t like to blog about this, but other than asking people to relay this message, I have no other way to tell them.


Unfortunately, I can’t without my daughters… please respect that.

Kindness rules 😉

So I was at the store yesterday buying groceries, and the cashier was not very quick. We live in a society of speed, and I admit I’m not very patient. He was sorting his dollar bills when I used a card for payment… I just sighed and internally rolled my eyes. I wasn’t in a hurry, so it wasn’t that big of a deal. I grabbed my cereal boxes and said I didn’t need a bag for them. I try to use Thirty One bags whenever I can to save the planet and stuff, but I had forgotten them in the van.

Then I noticed something… he was organizing my purchase in the bags, taking items out and moving them to other bags, silently and categorically.

When he handed me the bags, I thanked him for correlating them so well. He shrugged, and proceeded to help the next customer.

It broke my heart. I had determined he was possibly burdened with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

I instantly felt bad that I hadn’t let him bag my cereal.

I was troubled by the thought that in the impatient world today, he may become insulted or harassed for something that he doesn’t have control over.

I was proud of him for having a job and putting such an effort into it.

I was thankful that after suffering a traumatic brain injury, I am able to complete most tasks. I’m beyond blessed that I’m intelligent, efficacious, and perceptive.

I was more thankful that God has given me the heart to discern characteristics in others could possibly increase their daily struggles.

I thought… is there anything I can do to “brighten his day”? As I said, previously, in the impatient world today, he is more than likely insulted or offended. If I had been in a hurry, would I have noticed his diversity? Would I have respected it? To answer my initial question, yes there is something I can do. I can pray for him. I can pray for everyone that comes in contact with him for a peaceful and respectful mannerism.

I can write this blog with the hopes God causes the right eyes to view it.

Just be nice, people.

Thank you for reading, and have a great day 🖤

Happy 18 birthday, Emma

18 years ago, I received the most amazing gift from God: the title mom. The courier was Miss Emma Leigh Anne Latier. Even though I’m not part of her life, I think about her every single day, and I’m thankful for the years I had her in my life. She is a magnificent young lady, and I’m proud of the person she has become. I pray for her future, that it’s more clear, and more joyful than my past. She probably won’t see this, but as a mother I have to share my celebration with the world. I love her more than she could possibly imagine.

I know I said I wasn’t going to blog, but I’ll do anything to show Emma I love her. 🖤🖤🖤

13 reasons why this is my last blog

Be careful how you treat people.

Don’t be a bully.

You don’t know what goes on in anyone’s life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can’t be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re messing with their entire life. Everything. . . affects everything.

Jay Asher, Thirteen Reasons Why

Tim, the truth is, I did love you. I loved listening to music with you.

I loved honking and smiling at strangers.

I loved sharing common interests.

I loved spending time doing fun things with our kids.

Yes, I loved you, even though I wasn’t in love with you.

As I was driving to an assignment in Walhonding, I was listening to a lot of bands I found out we both liked after the shit went down— State Champs, ADTR, Our Last Night, Memphis May Fire, plus more.

You were my best friend for SO LONG.

You. Have. Hurt. Me.

Shame on you.

1) Ive retaliated hurt that I’ve felt, and I’m sorry.

2) I’ve made mistakes I’m not proud of. I’ve done things and I’ve said things.

3) I’ve burned bridges that can never be rebuilt.

4) I’ve not lived up to the expectations I’ve been given.

5) I want to move forward and not live in the past.

6) I want peace. Please stop laughing at my pain.

7) I’m busy raising Alyssa and Noah

8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13) I’m sorry.