Day to day

I’m really enjoying this holiday season. The last couple Christmas’ haven’t been too exceptional, but this year is turning out wonderful, despite some negativity.

As most of those close-to-me know, my older daughters have made the decision to not include me in their lives, and I’m forced to respect and accept that. I have to cling to the knowledge that my 2 youngest love me so strong, and I cherish every minute being the best mom I can to them.

I’m being the best mom to them I’m able to be.

Do I want to be that type of mom to my older daughters? Absolutely. They don’t want me as a mom and I am forced to accept that. What makes me sad is that their little brother is forced to accept that, as well.

I’d like to share with you all some of the fun moments I’m sharing with my babies 💜

My daughters part 2

I’m so incredibly hurt that Tim Latier and his family has done nothing but try to eliminate me from my daughters lives. I was told today that he was the one that suggested they talk to the judge… i know that’s because he is fairly confident they will tell the judge they aren’t interested in having me in their lives. That is such a severe knife in my back. I miss the girls quite a bit, but I’m mentally preparing myself to not be their mother anymore. I feel like a step mom to them… I’m out of their lives and he replaces me with his girlfriends. I’m not sure how someone could be so evil to a mother. I’m slowly eliminating them out of my house. I have boxes of their crafts and school papers that I’m going to throw away because as I lie here sobbing, they are just thorns of the life that Tim Latier has taken from me.

My daughters

I don’t know if this is how my daughters feel, or they really don’t want me in their lives. I feel like if they wanted me in their lives, they would fight for me to be in it. I may not have been the best mom, but I tried my damned hardest. I took them out to breakfast, took them to events, to the zoo, played games with them, cooked fun meals with them, and I haven’t had a relationship with them in 4 years. I certainly hope they haven’t thrown me away so easily and so quickly. At least I have my youngest and her brother, on the way. I really wanted my daughters to be part of this pregnancy, but I’m not even sure he will meet his sisters.

I miss my Emma and Lily

I’m so excited that I have got to spend more time with my youngest, but it doesn’t repair the fact that I am completely alienated from my older two daughters.

I enjoy life with my youngest, they enjoy life with my youngest, but we’ve never get to enjoy life together.

I would love to take them to the zoo, I would love to take them to COSI, I would love to take them to a waterpark, recreational park, hiking, swimming, gym, I would love to do anything with the three of them together.

It is been brought to my attention that they are not interested in having more time with me. Their father filed a motion asking to cease the one hour I get a week with them, because that’s what they want.

I find that hard to believe because I enjoy and love the time with my daughters so much. Do they really hate me? Have I really been that bad of a mom? Their paternal family has almost completely alienated them from their maternal family, myself included, so why would they want a mom? Their lives are completely fine without one, or so they are led to believe.

I’m heartbroken because I have lost so much time with my daughters and they have moved on without me... I’m out of their lives. There’s no reparation that they are interested in. There’s nothing I can do to show them I’m not the monster they believe I am. There’s nothing I can do to show them I have loved them since before they were born. I have done everything I could to provide them with a happy future, but they have moved on without me. I was never perfect, and I made mistakes. I’m sorry for the mistakes that I have made.

There are no second chances with them, and I’m heartbroken.

I am trying to raise money for psychological evaluations… I need help. I simply don’t have the funds. I want to be able to go to therapy with my daughters to be the mom they need, but I’m so alienated, I don’t even know what that is.

Please help me to help them.

I guess I should focus on my youngest and wait for my older daughters to decide if they want a mother.

Sorry for the heartbroken blog, but I have realized I failed at being a mother, twice, but I won’t fail with Alyssa. Maybe I will meet my Prince Charming and have the family I’ve always dreamed of, but for now it’s just Alyssa and I.

Thank you for stopping and come again soon.

I was happy to support you

Love me or hate me, I’m so thankful I gave birth to you. Someday maybe you will want me in your life, but I respect you don’t now. It’s devastating as a mom to feel/hear, but I don’t expect you to sympathize. Anyway, it was worth the trip.

Woman/cat meme

The stalker picture is mostly for my… stalkers… well, one that I know of 🐶

1) I’m not interested in sweeping my problems under a rug, which is why I suggested therapy.

2) therapy isn’t playtime. The visitation center is where play time occurs.

3) how can things be going well, and all of the sudden you change your mind? It was a stupid blog about me spending thanksgiving alone. Don’t be selfish and turn it into something more dramatic, I’m pretty sure you didn’t spend thanksgiving alone with your infant and toddler because you’re a failure and no one wants you around (which is what everyone wants me to believe). Alyssa and Noah love me, I would rather spend it with them than with people that look down on me.

Is this what you want?

Lily- I know you can’t stand me. Whatever. I thought you and I had a better relationship than that, but I guess not.

Emma- is this what you want? I just want things to go back to normal. No more fine tooth comb. No more blocking. I’m assuming since you haven’t pushed the issue of texting me that you don’t want me in your life. When Alyssa and I visited you at work, that’s what I want. I didn’t get upset that I was of no interest to you, but it made me happy Alyssa was happy to see you.

It’s horrible as a mother to be thrown out like trash by your daughters, in addition to the rest of your family.

Your dad can make all of this drama go away, but doesn’t. I just want the opportunity to be a mom to you and find out how you are doing. I just want to be a mom to help you through tough times, but this legal drama your dad created has made me a “tough time”. I’m a complete stranger to you guys.

I hope you guys learn to deal with your problems instead of blocking and running. It’s very immature and irresponsible. This all started over me being sad that I was alone with Alyssa and Noah on Thanksgiving. I’m not even sure what, specifically, bothered you, because instead of talking to me, you blocked me and ran. 👎

Thanks

Thanks for the memories.

Emma and Lily just told me goodbye- “not forever”… bullshit. They look at me the way their dad looks at me- as a failure.

At least I have Alyssa and Noah.

I’m done trying. I need to move on without them. Lily looks at me with disgust when she sees me. I bought her 8 different types of loose leaf tea because I knew she likes them. I bought Emma a “proud army girlfriend” shirt. Apparently, I don’t respect how they feel. You know what? I don’t know how they feel, because for 5 years I haven’t had a casual conversation with them.

In 5 minutes I’m going to have to explain to their 3 year old sister that she won’t get to see them tonight. She has been looking forward to it all day.

Tim- it’s not over!

The fact that Tim will not close the case is proof that he’s very two-faced and doesn’t want me in the girls life.

Tim’s the same guy that teamed with my enemies (who text me they were conspiring with Tim to eliminate me from the girls lives) and claimed I asked my enemies to kill them. That’s screwed up on many levels.

You want to talk to me about living in the past? The fact that I could only communicate with my daughters once every 2 weeks at a therapy appointment is the past. That’s not normal. I (more than anyone else) want normal. I’m tired of living under a judgmental microscope of Emma, Lily, Tim, Maggie McClung, and anyone associated with them. I realized yesterday that I’m miserable when I’m around Emma and Lily because I feel so much pressure of judgment. I made the comment for the first time in a long time, “maybe I shouldn’t have survived the accident”. It surprised me because prior to that I hadn’t said that in years, and when I did it was in reference to my daughters.

I started taking down photos of Emma and Lily again last night because seeing them is heart-wrenching, everyday. I put up Christmas decorations of theirs that I need to put away (ornaments, artwork) They don’t want me in their life and I have to respect that. It rips my heart out that this blog is the only way I can tell them how crushed I am.

Imagine raising 2 daughters and them telling you they don’t want you in their life. It’s very sad.

Thank you for breaking my heart, right before Christmas.

Mother of (2)

What you don’t understand is I’m separated from my kids and is incredibly difficult to deal with. It’s weird if you don’t understand that.

Lily has turned against me. (Confirmed) I’m pretty sure Emma has, too, but puts on a good act of pretending she loves me. (Confirmed 11/24/2019)

This is all a sick game to eliminate me from my daughters lives. They find joy out of this and that makes me sad.

If they wanted peace, I would entertain the thought of it. I have to force myself to forget about Emma and Lily.

Revised: 11/24/2019

I cherish the time I have with my 2 children, Alyssa and Noah 🥰