You know those days when it feels like the universe is just throwing curveballs at you? Yeah, I’m living it. Lies and accusations are swirling around me like a bunch of pesky mosquitoes, and let’s be honest—it’s pretty darn frustrating. But instead of letting it all get me down, I’m finding ways to cope and keep my sanity intact. Here’s how I’m managing to stay afloat while the chaos swirls around me.

Acknowledging the Pain

Let’s face it: feeling sad sucks. It’s like trying to get out of a pool full of Jell-O—sticky and hard to manage. The accusations directed at me can feel like a heavy backpack filled with rocks that I didn’t sign up for. Guess what? Acknowledging that pain is the first step to kicking it to the curb.

Personal Reflection

• Bloggery: I’ve decided to try again at something I call “bloggery”, when in fact it’s just my fun synonym for blogging. Writing down my thoughts helps me sort through the emotional mess and gives me a clearer head.

Coping Strategies

So, in my quest for sanity, I have been practicing Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Sounds fancy, right? It’s basically a toolbox for managing emotions. And trust me, I need all the tools I can get.

Mindfulness Practices

• Breathing Exercises: When the accusations hit hard, I take a moment to breathe. Inhale, exhale, and repeat until I feel like I’m not about to lose it. Seriously, it’s like hitting the refresh button on my brain.
• Grounding Techniques: I also try to ground myself by focusing on what’s around me. “What color is that wall? How many socks are on the floor?” (Spoiler: a lot.) It helps me stay present and not spiral into a panic.

Distress Tolerance Skills

• Self-Soothing Activities: When the going gets tough, I indulge in things that bring me joy—like baking cookies (which I may or may not eat all in one sitting) or binge-watching my favorite shows. Who needs therapy when you have chocolate chip cookies, right? STEP AWAY FROM THE COOKIES. 🤣

Productivity Amidst Struggles

Even though things are chaotic, I’ve channeled my energy into being productive. I mean, if I’m going to be stuck in a storm, I might as well build a cozy little fort!

Examples of Productivity

• Home Projects: I’ve tackled home improvements that I’ve been avoiding, turning my space into a haven. Who knew hanging wallpaper in your bathroom could be so therapeutic? Just don’t ask me about the time I tried to assemble furniture without instructions—let’s just say it didn’t end well.
• Personal Growth: I’m also diving into hobbies. Why did the yarn break up with the crochet hook? Because it found someone who really “knit” its needs! 🧶 bahaha I have been trying to focus on knitting and crocheting for decades. I always get sidetracked with something else I need to do. In this time of personal growth, I’m making time to work on developing hobbies that I have interest in. On that note, I’ve also been studying Dad jokes. 🤣🤣🤣
• This isn’t a new project, but renovating the indoor space for my rabbits has been quite the time sink! I’m proud to say that I’ve managed to keep the bunny vibes and smells under control. Let’s be real—bunnies can be a bit messy with their excess potty habits! As my uncle likes to say, I’m determined to show that bunnies can totally be indoor pets. 🤣🐰🏡

Awareness of Adversity

I know my enemies are lurking like that one friend who always shows up uninvited. Here’s the deal: I’m not letting their negativity dictate my mentality. I’m all about self-improvement, and I’m keeping my eyes on the prize.

Staying Vigilant

• Mindful Awareness: I’m staying aware of my surroundings and my interactions. It’s like being on a reality show—who’s going to trip me up next? Spoiler alert: they won’t. Like many other things I’m discussing: I’m not perfect at this, but I’m certainly working on it. 

Embracing Peace and Positivity

Choosing not to be consumed by negativity is a game-changer. Instead of letting those bad thoughts take root, I’m cultivating my own little garden of peace.

Positive Affirmations

• Daily Affirmations: I’ve started saying affirmations like “I am strong” and “I’m a rockstar.” (Okay, maybe I’ve been a rockstar my whole life and I’m just acknowledging it 🫣🤣.) It’s like giving myself a pep talk in the mirror every morning!

Faith in Justice

I firmly believe that the truth will come out. It may feel heavy right now, but I’m holding onto hope for a brighter future—especially when it comes to custody and just life in general. Patience and cooperation? I’m all in!

Hope for the Future

• Visualizing Success: I like to visualize positive outcomes, like winning the lottery (or at least a game of online solitaire). It keeps my spirits high and fuels my determination.

Conclusion

Resilience is a superpower we all have, even if we don’t wear capes. So, to anyone out there facing similar challenges, find your strength and lean into your personal growth. Life may throw us some curveballs, but our response can be our greatest asset. Let’s embrace our journeys and keep the faith that brighter days are ahead—preferably with a bunch of cookies. 🍪🤭

OK, enough writing. It’s about to storm and I still have to go to Hobby lobby and Rural King. Bunnies and crafts, they take up 95% of my time and thoughts.

I’m way better at sharing my thoughts than actually acting on them. But hey, if you’re feeling lost or struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out! You’ve got this, and I’m here to support you!

Thank you for reading, make today great 🖤

There’s a quiet kind of growth that happens in the moments no one sees—the moments when you choose kindness even when it’s hard, or when you create joy for someone who may never acknowledge it. I’ve learned that growth rarely comes wrapped in comfort; sometimes it shows up in the small, complicated decisions that test who we are at our core.

Recently, I found myself reflecting on something as simple as making Christmas gifts with my daughter over the years. Coasters, crafts, handmade keepsakes—the kinds of things that carry more heart than perfection. Many of those gifts were for people who, to be honest, would probably never choose kindness toward me. “Enemies,” if we’re being honest.

Did I receive thank-yous? No, not really. Did I expect to? Not at all.

What I did receive—and what I didn’t realize I was seeking—was a sense of peace. The joy of sitting with my daughter, creating something beautiful together, and modeling grace in situations where bitterness would have been the easier route. Even at my lowest points, I’ve pushed myself to stay positive, or at least to reach for positivity, no matter how far away it felt.

And the more I grow, the more I realize something else:

Happiness doesn’t come from your appearance or from others’ approval.

It comes from the intentions behind your actions, even when no one ever notices them.

Lately, that sense of intention has shown up in unexpected places—like the grocery store aisle. I never imagined adulthood would mean standing there with my glasses on, reading every food label like I’m cracking a secret code. I don’t particularly enjoy being the adult who has to compare grams of sugar and look up ingredients I can’t pronounce. Honestly, there are days I miss the version of me who ate whatever she wanted without a second thought. But even in that small frustration, there’s growth. There’s awareness. There’s intention.

And intention, I’m learning, is everything.

It turns out happiness isn’t found in effortless choices—it’s found in the choices that reflect who you’re becoming. The choices rooted in love, self-respect, and the desire to do better, even when it’s inconvenient or unglamorous. The choices God sees, quietly and clearly.

I’ve said it more recently than ever: God knows the intentions of your heart. He knows what’s in your mind. And that truth has been reshaping the way I move through the world—one gift, one moment of kindness, and yes, one food label at a time.

So today, and every day, I hope happiness finds you in your own heart and in your own mind. Not because everything around you is perfect, but because your intentions are rooted in goodness, growth, and honesty.

And if I happen to lose a few more pounds along the way… well, I certainly won’t complain. 😬

While driving to Toledo today, I used voice-to-text to capture and share the thoughts and feelings that surfaced along the way. There’s something about a long drive—just you, the road, and your own mind—that brings buried truths up to the surface. Today, mine asked to be spoken out loud.

For nearly eleven years, I’ve carried a toxic belief about myself—one I said out loud and felt deep in my bones. I thought I was damaged. Not because anyone told me directly (even though some did), but because after the accident, I was never quite the same. I wasn’t as strong, as steady, or as confident as I used to be. Physically, I had been in a great place. Mentally, I thought I was too… but looking back, that wasn’t completely true.

A couple of weeks ago, someone told me that I “identify myself as damaged.” This came from someone who has walked through trauma herself—she’s damaged after nearly losing her son to leukemia. But here’s the truth: she isn’t a psychologist. She isn’t a behavioral analyst. She’s simply someone with an opinion.

And honestly? I’m done letting other people’s opinions define me.

Letting Go of Ego, Pride, and Other People’s Voices

I was listening to Jeremy Camp’s song “Survivor”, and the lyrics hit me in a way I wasn’t expecting. When he sings about throwing ego and pride into the fire and letting only the survivor remain, it felt personal.

Whether my ego is big or small, it needs to stop running the show.

Whether my pride is strong or weak, it needs to lose its grip.

Every day I’m learning new ways to adapt, grow, and handle struggles. And one of the most important lessons I’m learning is this:

Stop letting other people’s opinions decide who I am.

Whether I’m damaged, healing, broken, or rebuilding—those are conversations between me and God. Not random people who haven’t held a meaningful conversation with me in an over a decade, if ever. Not people who know only rumors or assumptions.

People love to have opinions. And sure, everyone has a rear end, and everyone knows what comes out of it.

Working on Myself Doesn’t Mean I’m Broken

Yes, I have some residual effects from a brain injury. Yes, I’m working on myself every single day. That doesn’t make me damaged—it makes me human, it makes me resilient, and it makes me honest about where I am.

Meanwhile, the people who cling to hatred toward me… I genuinely feel sorry for them. Because hatred is heavy. It eats you from the inside. It takes every negative thought and amplifies it until you forget what peace feels like.

I know this because I’ve had my own battles with hatred. I’m actively working on that. When those toxic thoughts surface, I tell them to leave. I take authority over negativity because if I don’t, it will take authority over me.

For Anyone Struggling: The Strength Is Already in You

If you’re dealing with addiction, anger, bitterness, or any mindset that feels like it’s controlling you, hear me:

You have more control than you think.

Movies love the cliché of someone searching for strength they’ve had inside all along. As cheesy as it sounds, it’s true. We often look outward for solutions when so much of the answer is already in us.

And if you’re filled with hatred toward me personally? You don’t have to be. Hatred is a choice—one that only hurts you. I can’t say I’m perfect in this area either, but I am working to take control over those thoughts instead of letting them consume me.

Keeping hatred inside only punishes me, and life has already punished me enough. I don’t need to do it to myself.

Analyze your thoughts. They matter more than you realize.

This is what I’m practicing daily, and what I encourage you to try:

Pay attention to your thoughts—especially the loud ones.

If hatred toward someone, or pain, or bitterness, or resentment is taking up mental space multiple times a day, it isn’t healthy. It’s not helping you. And it’s not permanent.

Whatever is consuming your mind, you can cast it out.

You deserve peace.

You deserve healing.

You deserve freedom from other people’s opinions.

And so do I. 🫶🖤

I’ve wondered for years, why do you hate me so much? We got along well before the wreck and you *seemed* pretty supportive after the wreck, until I asked you if we could try to rekindle our marriage. You said no, and I became depressed. I wanted a family and structure again.

I wondered why I survived the wreck, just 2 months after I woke up from the coma. My house had been sold, my life had basically ended. You also filed a bogus CPO claiming I asked an old landlord and/or her husband to kill you. There was no proof this happened, so I wasn’t charged with conspiracy to commit murder.

Why? Why did you do that to me? You kicked me when I was down. You have me blocked in every way. I have tried to make peace numerous times, but why would you want peace? You get about $400 a month for disability for the girls (even though I never requested a penny of child support after the divorce) and you have completely alienated me. You would get no benefit from the girls having a mom.

People ask me when things went sour with you, and the only thing I can think of is when I woke up from the coma. You wanted me to die. How can anyone not respect the hatred I have toward you: you took my daughters, shoved a knife in my back, and for the last 8 years, your silence and inability to compromise is vinegar on my bleeding heart.

You’ve done a good job of teaching my children to only see mistakes and disrespecting me.

Did you attempt suicide when Kurt Cobain died? Did you cheat on your wife(ves lol) and have an affair with an underage server(s)? (Multiple times and multiple wives/underage servers, pervert)

Did I not catch you high and drunk with an underage employee at your apartment with our daughters sleeping? Did I call the police? God I wish I would have. No, I called your mommy 45 miles away and let her handle it.

I like to buy stuff. When I find ergonomical deals that will make our lives easier, I buy them and give my opinion of them. Since I’m buying stuff I intend on liking, some if not all of my purchases get positive reviews.
I noticed mid December that some of my reviews had went away, and the remainder were slowly going away. I reached out to Amazon to inquire why this was happening. I made sure that my posts adhered to guidelines… They said that they thought I had a relationship with the sellers. That was preposterous because in my reviews, I stated why I purchased them and I gave positive and negative feedback.

Since my accident, I have been trying to adjust to a “normal” life… before the accident, I felt invincible. I was thin, worked out regularly, held positions at jobs that I really enjoyed, had a great relationship with my ex-husband, had a great relationship with my kids, had a great relationship with my parents, owned a beautiful home, I’d say I had a pretty good life. I wasn’t perfect, and I took all of the positives for granted. I was searching for happiness.

After I woke up from the coma, I noticed almost everything was gone. My kids, my ex-husband, my parents, most of the people in my life that I cared about held on to the mistakes that I had made in the past. I woke up to a nightmare. Most of the people aforementioned despise me.
I started seeing a neuropsychologist that helped me identify some personality traits that were harmful. I’m not perfect, but I’m trying hard to become a better person. My middle daughter and her paternal family hates me, but I respect that and I’m proud of myself for whom I’ve become, I become stronger everyday.

My doctor advised me to gain some hobbies. I have become a third-party contractor to audit merchandise in stores and displays of certain products in stores. I absolutely love doing that! Reminds me of my Marketing Director days for Tide. I use the money I make to test-out products and post my reviews on my other site: Stephaniegoogles.

As i mentioned, a couple months ago, I was informed that my reviews were no longer visible on Amazon. I exchanged some emails and fought with them for a couple days, until all of the sudden, my reviews were getting approved again. Two months later: I’m having the same problem again. Aside from retail therapy, it’s therapeutic for me too try new products and share my opinion of them with the world.

I talked to dozens of people today. All of them gave handbook, monotonous answers. I used to work for the Chase Mortgage Banking Executive Office, So I know those textbook responses like the back of my hand.

Finally, I spoke with a real – live human.
Marc was his name. He seemed empathetic to what was happening. He understood that my reviews and sharing my opinion is important to me. Everyone from my past and most of the people in my current life now look at me as disabled/worthless/pointless. Purchasing these fascinating items and giving my thoughts on them has been therapeutic. He understood that. fighting with Amazon to fight for my love of my hobby is slightly therapeutic. ha. My uncle told me last week that it brought him joy to see me get excited about purchasing stuff on my wish list. Most of those items I have given as gifts (so I feel less bad about retail therapy haha) I gave my oldest daughter some wireless headphones that I purchased for myself, but love them so much I gave them to her as a gift. I mentioned that in my review and it was heartbreaking to see that review was taken down. They were pretty cool wireless earbuds! I was so proud of my review because I talked about how much I loved my daughter in it, and I liked this purchase so much, I was going to give it to her. Broke my heart when I saw it was taken down.Thank you, Marc, for putting in the extra effort to help me. Thank you for making me feel important. I have an odd hobby, but it is emotionally fulfilling. You are the only Amazon employee that I won’t be throwing darts at tonight. Haha

They also removed my background photo to my profile ha ha ha ha

Thanks for the memories.

Emma and Lily just told me goodbye- “not forever”… bullshit. They look at me the way their dad looks at me- as a failure.

At least I have Alyssa and Noah.

I’m done trying. I need to move on without them. Lily looks at me with disgust when she sees me. I bought her 8 different types of loose leaf tea because I knew she likes them. I bought Emma a “proud army girlfriend” shirt. Apparently, I don’t respect how they feel. You know what? I don’t know how they feel, because for 5 years I haven’t had a casual conversation with them.

In 5 minutes I’m going to have to explain to their 3 year old sister that she won’t get to see them tonight. She has been looking forward to it all day.

Tim- it’s not over!

The fact that Tim will not close the case is proof that he’s very two-faced and doesn’t want me in the girls life.

Tim’s the same guy that teamed with my enemies (who text me they were conspiring with Tim to eliminate me from the girls lives) and claimed I asked my enemies to kill them. That’s screwed up on many levels.

You want to talk to me about living in the past? The fact that I could only communicate with my daughters once every 2 weeks at a therapy appointment is the past. That’s not normal. I (more than anyone else) want normal. I’m tired of living under a judgmental microscope of Emma, Lily, Tim, Maggie McClung, and anyone associated with them. I realized yesterday that I’m miserable when I’m around Emma and Lily because I feel so much pressure of judgment. I made the comment for the first time in a long time, “maybe I shouldn’t have survived the accident”. It surprised me because prior to that I hadn’t said that in years, and when I did it was in reference to my daughters.

I started taking down photos of Emma and Lily again last night because seeing them is heart-wrenching, everyday. I put up Christmas decorations of theirs that I need to put away (ornaments, artwork) They don’t want me in their life and I have to respect that. It rips my heart out that this blog is the only way I can tell them how crushed I am.

Imagine raising 2 daughters and them telling you they don’t want you in their life. It’s very sad.

Thank you for breaking my heart, right before Christmas.

I want my Emma back 😢

I love you to the moon and back, punkin head