Recently, during a heartfelt dinner with my friend Natasha, we delved into a conversation that sparked a profound realization about my life. As I poured out my feelings about my past, particularly my high school years, I expressed regrets over not forming lifelong friendships and the choices I made. Natasha’s response was simple yet powerful: she pointed out that I seemed to be fixated on my past, while she hadn’t given it much thought. That’s when it hit me—I was dwelling too much on what was, rather than focusing on what could be.

The Turmoil of Youthful Choices

Reflecting on my teenage years, I recognize that my relationship with my high school boyfriend was far from ordinary. He was an older man, and unbeknownst to me for a significant portion of our time together, he was married. The emotional toll of being involved with someone who was betraying his spouse was immense, and I didn’t fully grasp the impact it would have on my mental well-being. I was youthful and naive, caught in a whirlwind of emotions, believing in a relationship that was built on deception.

The complexity of our relationship deepened when I discovered I was pregnant with my first daughter at just 19. This unexpected news came early in our relationship, adding a whirlwind of emotions—fear, excitement, and confusion. As a young woman, I was unprepared for the responsibilities that lay ahead, and the uncertainty surrounding our relationship only compounded my stress. I had no idea that my daughter would later blame me for everything negative that happened in her life, and that realization has weighed heavily on me. The pressure of impending motherhood, alongside the burden of feeling blamed for her struggles, created a tumultuous environment that I struggled to navigate.

What’s even more painful is that years later, this same man would betray me in a similar fashion. After I had navigated through my life and relationships, he ended up cheating on me with a 17-year-old server—someone I had once been. It was a gut-wrenching reminder of how the cycle of betrayal continued, and the very behaviors that had once broken me were now being inflicted upon me.

Adding to this complexity was the troubling acceptance of his actions by my first husband’s mother. Not only did she permit him to cheat on his previous wife with me, but she also turned a blind eye to his infidelity with underage employees. This complicity in his behavior is quite disgusting and speaks volumes about the toxic dynamics that allowed such actions to flourish. It only deepened my feelings of confusion and disappointment, leaving scars that I had thought I had begun to heal.

Discovering the Truth

The revelation about my first husband added another layer to my story. Just when I thought I was moving forward, I received a phone call from his ex-wife, Brandy Latier. She illuminated the truth about my husband’s past, including his previous marriage, which we had both tried to leave behind. This moment was a harsh reminder of how my early relationship had set a troubling precedent, leaving me with lingering insecurities and a sense of betrayal that I had ignored for far too long.

The Weight of Regret

Carrying the weight of these experiences has been exhausting. I’ve often found myself ruminating over my past, particularly the pain caused by both my high school boyfriend and my first husband. The stress and mental damage from those tumultuous beginnings seemed to linger, affecting my self-esteem and relationships for years. However, acknowledging this pain is the first step toward healing.

Choosing to Focus on the Now

Natasha’s insight encouraged me to shift my perspective. Instead of allowing past experiences to overshadow my current life, I need to embrace where I am now. My past is a part of my story, but it no longer needs to dictate my future. The relationships I failed to build in high school, the mistakes I made, and the emotional turmoil I endured are all chapters that have led me here, to this moment.

Key Takeaways:

• Live in the Present: The most significant part of our lives is what we are doing right now. The past is unchangeable, and worrying about it only detracts from our current happiness.
• Acknowledge the Impact: Recognizing the mental damage caused by my past relationships is crucial. It’s essential to confront these feelings instead of ignoring them, allowing for genuine healing.
• Let Go of Toxic Relationships: Understanding that the negativity from my past relationships belongs to those who harbor it, not me, has been liberating. Releasing that burden prioritizes my mental health.
• Embrace Growth: Each experience has contributed to my growth. Rather than viewing my past as a series of failures, I can acknowledge it as a learning journey that has shaped who I am today.

Moving Forward

As I continue to process these thoughts, I understand that my focus should be on building a fulfilling future rather than grappling with the shadows of my past. I’m learning to cultivate positivity in my life, seeking new friendships and experiences that resonate with who I am today.

In sharing this journey, I hope to inspire others who might find themselves in a similar situation. It’s never too late to shift your focus from what has been to what can be. Embrace the present, and let your past be a stepping stone, not a stumbling block.

Thank you for joining with me on this moment of self reflection. What I am learning to do and what I urge you to learn to do… focus on what’s important. What you can learn from each situation… What you can learn from restorative thoughts to move forward. 

The Disheartening Reality of Cruelty Among Christians: The Case of the Latier Family

In a world where love and compassion should be the guiding principles of faith, it is disheartening to observe how some Christians treat fellow believers with cruelty and disdain. This troubling behavior not only undermines the core tenets of Christianity but also paints a negative picture of the faith as a whole. My personal experience with the Latier family, my ex-in-laws, serves as a poignant example of this issue.

A Personal Encounter with the Latiers

Having tried to maintain a polite and respectful relationship with the Latiers, I found myself facing a wall of hostility and judgment instead. Despite my efforts to engage in kind and courteous interactions, they persistently responded with coldness and disdain. This experience has left me reflecting on the disconnection between their professed beliefs and their actions, particularly in light of the teachings of Christ.

The Contrast Between Words and Actions

The actions of the Latiers starkly contrast with the Christian values of love, kindness, and forgiveness. In 1 John 4:20, we read, “If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.” This scripture highlights the hypocrisy of claiming to be a follower of Christ while failing to show love and respect to fellow believers.

When the Latiers engage in cruel behavior towards me and others, it not only harms the individuals involved but also tarnishes the reputation of Christianity itself. It becomes increasingly difficult for outsiders to see the beauty of Christ’s message when they witness such discord among those who claim to follow Him.

The Call for Kindness

The Bible is replete with calls for kindness and compassion. Ephesians 4:32 instructs us, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” This passage emphasizes that kindness is not merely a suggestion but a directive for all Christians. In my interactions with the Latiers, I have attempted to embody this principle, even in the face of hostility.

However, their refusal to reciprocate this kindness raises questions about the authenticity of their faith. When Christians are unkind to one another, it reveals a troubling disconnect between their beliefs and their actions.

Reflecting on Community and Unity

The body of Christ is meant to be a community defined by love and support. Romans 12:10 encourages believers to “be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” This call to honor one another is foundational to a thriving Christian community. Yet, when cruelty and division take precedence, the essence of this community is lost.

The Impact of Cruelty on Faith

The consequences of such behavior extend beyond individual relationships. When Christians treat each other poorly, it creates an environment of distrust and bitterness, driving wedges between believers. This is particularly troubling as Jesus emphasized the importance of unity among His followers. In John 13:35, He stated, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Our love for one another serves as a testament to our faith, and when that love is absent, it diminishes the witness of the Church in the world.

The Latiers: A Case Study in Cruelty

The Latiers exemplify this troubling trend. Despite identifying as Christians, their actions showcase a profound lack of compassion and understanding. They have shown me that cruelty can sometimes masquerade as righteousness, leading to a harmful environment that contradicts the very essence of what it means to follow Christ. Their behavior has been a stark reminder of how far some can stray from the teachings of Jesus.

Moving Towards Reconciliation

It is crucial for Christians to recognize the harm caused by unkindness and to seek reconciliation. This involves not only apologizing for past wrongs but actively working towards a more loving and supportive community. Colossians 3:12-14 reminds us to “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” These qualities should permeate our interactions, especially with those who share our faith.

Conclusion

The cruelty exhibited by some Christians, such as the Latiers, towards their fellow believers is a disappointing reality that contradicts the very essence of the faith. My experiences with them have reinforced my understanding of the need for love, kindness, and unity within the Christian community. As we continue to strive for a more authentic expression of our faith, let us remember the words of Jesus and commit ourselves to love one another genuinely. Only then can we reflect the true nature of Christ and make a positive impact on the world around us.

This call to kindness and compassion is not merely a suggestion; it is fundamental to the Christian faith. Let us choose love over hate, kindness over cruelty, and unity over division, for in doing so, we honor God and one another.

Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons, often when we least expect them. Recently, I decided to embrace positivity, even amidst the storm of challenges swirling around me. I mean, who doesn’t love a good plot twist? So, buckle in as I share my weekend road trip to Toledo, complete with bathroom compliments, unexpected rides, and a sprinkle of divine intervention.

A Clean Bathroom and a Compliment

First stop: the gas station restroom. You know, the unsung hero of road trips. It was clean—not fancy, but clean—and I felt compelled to share my appreciation with the attendant, who, let’s be honest, probably hears more complaints than compliments. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree, and in that moment, I realized that spreading positivity doesn’t always need a grand gesture. Sometimes, it’s as simple as a kind word.

And let’s face it, when you’re navigating life’s messiness, a clean bathroom can feel like a little slice of heaven.

A Ride with a Twist

Another weekend adventure: I encountered a young woman in her twenties who needed a ride. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Stranger danger!” But something in me decided to throw caution to the wind. As we drove, she shared her struggles, and I revealed my own recent mishap—losing $1,000. Cue the tears, right? But here’s the kicker: instead of wallowing, we exchanged hope and laughter, like two unexpected allies in a comedy sketch.

Before she hopped out, I offered to pray with her. I may not be a model of perfection, but I’m no stranger to faith. As I prayed, I felt like a stand-up comedian trying to deliver a punchline in a heartfelt way. She thanked me, and I drove off thinking, “Maybe God is up there chuckling at our little detour.”

A $10 Blessing

The next day, I stopped at Goodwill hunting for DVDs for my son, Noah, who loves anything that dances and sings. While browsing, I made a joke about how surprised I was that a younger guy knew what DVDs were. It was light banter, but then he handed me $10 to buy DVDs for Noah. My initial reaction was to decline out of pride, but then I thought, “Why not accept this tiny nugget of kindness?”

Losing $1,000 stung, but that $10 felt like a million bucks—a reminder that kindness often comes back around, even if it’s not in the form we expect.

Praying for Enemies (Seriously?)

On the radio, I heard a message about praying for our enemies. Now that’s a tough pill to swallow! It’s easy to love those who love us back, but what about the ones who throw shade? I chuckled at the idea of getting “revenge” tattooed on my arm instead of Proverbs 11:10 (…when the wicked perish, there are shouts of joy). I mean, who doesn’t love a bit of irony?

But seriously, it’s a powerful reminder. Hatred and resentment are exhausting. They weigh us down like a bag of bricks, while kindness lifts us up like a helium balloon. I felt proud to declare that I’d rather celebrate the defeat of negativity than dwell on my own grievances.

Connection at Walmart

Finally, during a pit stop at Walmart, I struck up a conversation with an employee about my son’s stay at an inpatient facility. She shared that her grandson has autism and is nonverbal. We connected over our shared experiences, and I requested to pray for her and her grandson, Kelvin. It was a beautiful moment—a reminder that we’re all navigating our own battles.

What I’m Learning

1. Kindness is Contagious: Little acts of kindness, like complimenting a bathroom attendant or sharing a laugh with a stranger, can create ripples of positivity.
2. Embrace Vulnerability: Sharing my struggles doesn’t make me weak; it connects me to others.
3. Accept Help: Sometimes, accepting kindness is the best way to honor it.
4. Pray for Growth: Whether it’s for enemies or friends, prayer is a tool for growth—not just for them, but for me too.
5. Celebrate the Good: Focus on the wins, no matter how small, and let go of the grudges.

So, as I continue on this journey of spreading positivity, I’m learning that laughter and kindness can light the way, even when the road gets bumpy. Life is too short to take it seriously all the time, so let’s choose joy, embrace the absurd, and pray for our enemies—because, let’s be honest, they need it more than we do!

Thank you for joining me on this journey! I hope you found a nugget of wisdom or a spark of joy in my adventures. Remember, kindness often leads to unexpected blessings, so let’s keep spreading positivity together. Have a fantastic evening! 🌟

Life can often feel like an intricate dance, where the steps become more challenging when others misinterpret our struggles. For many, including those dealing with health issues such as diffuse axonal injury (the most traumatic brain injury), this misunderstanding can be profoundly isolating and frustrating.

The Weight of Misunderstanding

When we face health challenges, especially invisible ones like a diffuse axonal injury (DAI), it can be disheartening to hear others dismiss our experiences as exaggerations. Comments like “You’re just being dramatic” or “It can’t be that bad” can undermine our reality, leading to feelings of isolation. The struggles we endure are real, even if they aren’t always visible to the naked eye. It’s essential to acknowledge that just because someone can’t see our pain doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

The Impact of Dismissal

Being constantly told that our struggles aren’t valid can create a profound sense of loneliness. It can feel as though we are fighting an uphill battle, with the weight of our experiences compounded by the disbelief of those around us. This dismissal can lead to internal conflict, where we question the validity of our pain and begin to isolate ourselves further.

Recently, I discovered that I also have hemiparesis, which explains the frequent falls I experience. This knowledge of my diagnosis added another layer to my challenges, emphasizing the complexity of my situation. Additionally, I had a 90% chance of spending my life in a persistent vegetative state—a stark reality that underscores the severity of my condition, not an exaggeration.

Focus on the Supportive Ones

While it may seem as though everyone is against me, it’s important to remember that there are people in my life who genuinely care. Focusing on those who offer love and support can help navigate the difficult moments. These relationships can serve as a lifeline, a reminder that we are not alone in our struggles. It’s okay to lean on these individuals and find solace in their understanding.

Reaching Out: A Difficult Journey

Reaching out to those who have distanced themselves can feel daunting. The fear of rejection can hold us back, yet it’s crucial to remember that not everyone will respond negatively. Each attempt to connect is a step toward healing, not just for us, but for the relationships we value. Sometimes, it’s about finding the right moment or approach to rekindle those connections. There are people that I’ve distanced myself from, and there are people that I have no interest in reaching out to because of the way they have treated me.

Embracing Our Narrative

Navigating life with a diffuse axonal injury requires us to embrace our narrative. Acknowledging our experiences, sharing our stories, and advocating for our needs are vital steps in fostering understanding. By openly communicating our challenges, we can help others gain insight into our reality, potentially shifting perceptions and fostering empathy.

Conclusion: A Call for Compassion

Ultimately, the journey through misunderstanding is complex and often painful. However, it’s essential to remember that our experiences are valid, and seeking understanding is not an exaggeration of our struggles but a testament to our resilience. By focusing on supportive relationships and advocating for ourselves, we can create a more compassionate environment for our healing journey. Let’s strive to foster understanding, both for ourselves and for others who may also be battling their silent struggles.

Thank you for reading this blog. I don’t believe I’m going to blog again until next year. 🥰

The holiday season is supposed to be all about joy and togetherness, right? But let’s be real: sometimes it just feels heavy. If you’re feeling a little down around Christmas, you’re definitely not alone. I get it—this time of year can bring up all sorts of feelings, especially if family relationships are a bit rocky or if you’ve had your share of difficult times. The good news? You’re never truly alone because God is right there with you.

God is Always There

When things get tough, it’s comforting to remember that God is walking alongside us, even in our saddest moments. Romans 8:28 reminds us that “all things work together for good to those who love God.” That’s such a comforting thought! It means that even when life feels messy, there’s a bigger plan at play. Those tough times can actually help shape us into who we’re meant to be.

Cherishing My Children

I’m so grateful for my son and daughter, with whom I share a close bond. Their laughter and love fill my heart with joy, especially during the holiday season. In the past, we have created special memories together—baking cookies, decorating the tree, and enjoying movie nights. The remembrance of these moments me that even when life is challenging, the love we share makes everything worthwhile.

I also have older daughters whom I may not be as close to, but my love for them remains strong. I hold onto the hope that, in time, we can build our relationships further. Family can be complicated, but love doesn’t fade; it evolves.

Finding Support in Community

While family dynamics can be challenging, leaning on friends and community can make a world of difference. I’ve found that connecting with others who understand what you’re going through can be incredibly healing. Friends often step in to fill the gaps, offering their love and support when family relationships feel strained. Even though I spent Christmas Day lying in bed, a lot of my friends text me and invited me places, simply asked how I was doing, or just wished me a merry Christmas.

I remember one year feeling particularly low during the holidays. A good friend invited us over for a gathering, and it turned out to be just what I needed. Surrounded by warmth and laughter, I felt a sense of belonging that lifted my spirits. It’s moments like those that remind me how important our connections are.

Sharing Love with Others

This year, I created several crafts that I gave as gifts. I made three Owala tumblers featuring a special logo I designed, which includes a cross, the Maysville logo, and the Ohio State University logo, for another mom to share. The Lord inspired me to give them to her, and I found that creating has been incredibly therapeutic for me. It brings me so much joy to share these gifts with people who appreciate them.

I also helped my daughter, Alyssa, make six sets of coasters for people who may not have the warmest feelings toward me. Despite that, I was determined to finish what she had started. I find peace in my heart; while I can’t control how others feel, I can choose to spread love and kindness.

I also completed some other crafts for important people in Noah and my life. I’ve included some photos at the end 🫣

Reflecting on Growth

The holidays also serve as a time for reflection. I think about all the lessons I’ve learned through the ups and downs. Each challenge has shaped me and brought me closer to my faith. It’s reassuring to know that God has a plan for us, even when we can’t see it. That assurance helps me stay grounded and hopeful.

Celebrating Togetherness

At the end of the day, it’s about togetherness—whether it’s with my close son and daughter, friends, or even new connections made during this season. Celebrating the love we share can help us push through the sadness and embrace the joy that’s still there, waiting to be found.

Conclusion: A Heart Full of Hope

As we navigate this holiday season, let’s keep our hearts open to the love surrounding us. Embrace the moments with your children, cherish your friends, and lean on your faith. While sadness may visit, it doesn’t get to stay. We have the power to create joy, spread love, and find hope in every situation.

This Christmas, let’s hold onto the promise that we’re never alone. God is with us, guiding us through the tough times and celebrating with us in the good. Together, we can make this season meaningful and filled with love. As my boyfriend has told me every day for the last three years, I feel led to tell you : You are loved, you are supported, and you are never alone.

• I’ve included some photos of my crafts that have kept me busy during this tough time

You know those days when it feels like the universe is just throwing curveballs at you? Yeah, I’m living it. Lies and accusations are swirling around me like a bunch of pesky mosquitoes, and let’s be honest—it’s pretty darn frustrating. But instead of letting it all get me down, I’m finding ways to cope and keep my sanity intact. Here’s how I’m managing to stay afloat while the chaos swirls around me.

Acknowledging the Pain

Let’s face it: feeling sad sucks. It’s like trying to get out of a pool full of Jell-O—sticky and hard to manage. The accusations directed at me can feel like a heavy backpack filled with rocks that I didn’t sign up for. Guess what? Acknowledging that pain is the first step to kicking it to the curb.

Personal Reflection

• Bloggery: I’ve decided to try again at something I call “bloggery”, when in fact it’s just my fun synonym for blogging. Writing down my thoughts helps me sort through the emotional mess and gives me a clearer head.

Coping Strategies

So, in my quest for sanity, I have been practicing Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Sounds fancy, right? It’s basically a toolbox for managing emotions. And trust me, I need all the tools I can get.

Mindfulness Practices

• Breathing Exercises: When the accusations hit hard, I take a moment to breathe. Inhale, exhale, and repeat until I feel like I’m not about to lose it. Seriously, it’s like hitting the refresh button on my brain.
• Grounding Techniques: I also try to ground myself by focusing on what’s around me. “What color is that wall? How many socks are on the floor?” (Spoiler: a lot.) It helps me stay present and not spiral into a panic.

Distress Tolerance Skills

• Self-Soothing Activities: When the going gets tough, I indulge in things that bring me joy—like baking cookies (which I may or may not eat all in one sitting) or binge-watching my favorite shows. Who needs therapy when you have chocolate chip cookies, right? STEP AWAY FROM THE COOKIES. 🤣

Productivity Amidst Struggles

Even though things are chaotic, I’ve channeled my energy into being productive. I mean, if I’m going to be stuck in a storm, I might as well build a cozy little fort!

Examples of Productivity

• Home Projects: I’ve tackled home improvements that I’ve been avoiding, turning my space into a haven. Who knew hanging wallpaper in your bathroom could be so therapeutic? Just don’t ask me about the time I tried to assemble furniture without instructions—let’s just say it didn’t end well.
• Personal Growth: I’m also diving into hobbies. Why did the yarn break up with the crochet hook? Because it found someone who really “knit” its needs! 🧶 bahaha I have been trying to focus on knitting and crocheting for decades. I always get sidetracked with something else I need to do. In this time of personal growth, I’m making time to work on developing hobbies that I have interest in. On that note, I’ve also been studying Dad jokes. 🤣🤣🤣
• This isn’t a new project, but renovating the indoor space for my rabbits has been quite the time sink! I’m proud to say that I’ve managed to keep the bunny vibes and smells under control. Let’s be real—bunnies can be a bit messy with their excess potty habits! As my uncle likes to say, I’m determined to show that bunnies can totally be indoor pets. 🤣🐰🏡

Awareness of Adversity

I know my enemies are lurking like that one friend who always shows up uninvited. Here’s the deal: I’m not letting their negativity dictate my mentality. I’m all about self-improvement, and I’m keeping my eyes on the prize.

Staying Vigilant

• Mindful Awareness: I’m staying aware of my surroundings and my interactions. It’s like being on a reality show—who’s going to trip me up next? Spoiler alert: they won’t. Like many other things I’m discussing: I’m not perfect at this, but I’m certainly working on it. 

Embracing Peace and Positivity

Choosing not to be consumed by negativity is a game-changer. Instead of letting those bad thoughts take root, I’m cultivating my own little garden of peace.

Positive Affirmations

• Daily Affirmations: I’ve started saying affirmations like “I am strong” and “I’m a rockstar.” (Okay, maybe I’ve been a rockstar my whole life and I’m just acknowledging it 🫣🤣.) It’s like giving myself a pep talk in the mirror every morning!

Faith in Justice

I firmly believe that the truth will come out. It may feel heavy right now, but I’m holding onto hope for a brighter future—especially when it comes to custody and just life in general. Patience and cooperation? I’m all in!

Hope for the Future

• Visualizing Success: I like to visualize positive outcomes, like winning the lottery (or at least a game of online solitaire). It keeps my spirits high and fuels my determination.

Conclusion

Resilience is a superpower we all have, even if we don’t wear capes. So, to anyone out there facing similar challenges, find your strength and lean into your personal growth. Life may throw us some curveballs, but our response can be our greatest asset. Let’s embrace our journeys and keep the faith that brighter days are ahead—preferably with a bunch of cookies. 🍪🤭

OK, enough writing. It’s about to storm and I still have to go to Hobby lobby and Rural King. Bunnies and crafts, they take up 95% of my time and thoughts.

I’m way better at sharing my thoughts than actually acting on them. But hey, if you’re feeling lost or struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out! You’ve got this, and I’m here to support you!

Thank you for reading, make today great 🖤

There’s a quiet kind of growth that happens in the moments no one sees—the moments when you choose kindness even when it’s hard, or when you create joy for someone who may never acknowledge it. I’ve learned that growth rarely comes wrapped in comfort; sometimes it shows up in the small, complicated decisions that test who we are at our core.

Recently, I found myself reflecting on something as simple as making Christmas gifts with my daughter over the years. Coasters, crafts, handmade keepsakes—the kinds of things that carry more heart than perfection. Many of those gifts were for people who, to be honest, would probably never choose kindness toward me. “Enemies,” if we’re being honest.

Did I receive thank-yous? No, not really. Did I expect to? Not at all.

What I did receive—and what I didn’t realize I was seeking—was a sense of peace. The joy of sitting with my daughter, creating something beautiful together, and modeling grace in situations where bitterness would have been the easier route. Even at my lowest points, I’ve pushed myself to stay positive, or at least to reach for positivity, no matter how far away it felt.

And the more I grow, the more I realize something else:

Happiness doesn’t come from your appearance or from others’ approval.

It comes from the intentions behind your actions, even when no one ever notices them.

Lately, that sense of intention has shown up in unexpected places—like the grocery store aisle. I never imagined adulthood would mean standing there with my glasses on, reading every food label like I’m cracking a secret code. I don’t particularly enjoy being the adult who has to compare grams of sugar and look up ingredients I can’t pronounce. Honestly, there are days I miss the version of me who ate whatever she wanted without a second thought. But even in that small frustration, there’s growth. There’s awareness. There’s intention.

And intention, I’m learning, is everything.

It turns out happiness isn’t found in effortless choices—it’s found in the choices that reflect who you’re becoming. The choices rooted in love, self-respect, and the desire to do better, even when it’s inconvenient or unglamorous. The choices God sees, quietly and clearly.

I’ve said it more recently than ever: God knows the intentions of your heart. He knows what’s in your mind. And that truth has been reshaping the way I move through the world—one gift, one moment of kindness, and yes, one food label at a time.

So today, and every day, I hope happiness finds you in your own heart and in your own mind. Not because everything around you is perfect, but because your intentions are rooted in goodness, growth, and honesty.

And if I happen to lose a few more pounds along the way… well, I certainly won’t complain. 😬

While driving to Toledo today, I used voice-to-text to capture and share the thoughts and feelings that surfaced along the way. There’s something about a long drive—just you, the road, and your own mind—that brings buried truths up to the surface. Today, mine asked to be spoken out loud.

For nearly eleven years, I’ve carried a toxic belief about myself—one I said out loud and felt deep in my bones. I thought I was damaged. Not because anyone told me directly (even though some did), but because after the accident, I was never quite the same. I wasn’t as strong, as steady, or as confident as I used to be. Physically, I had been in a great place. Mentally, I thought I was too… but looking back, that wasn’t completely true.

A couple of weeks ago, someone told me that I “identify myself as damaged.” This came from someone who has walked through trauma herself—she’s damaged after nearly losing her son to leukemia. But here’s the truth: she isn’t a psychologist. She isn’t a behavioral analyst. She’s simply someone with an opinion.

And honestly? I’m done letting other people’s opinions define me.

Letting Go of Ego, Pride, and Other People’s Voices

I was listening to Jeremy Camp’s song “Survivor”, and the lyrics hit me in a way I wasn’t expecting. When he sings about throwing ego and pride into the fire and letting only the survivor remain, it felt personal.

Whether my ego is big or small, it needs to stop running the show.

Whether my pride is strong or weak, it needs to lose its grip.

Every day I’m learning new ways to adapt, grow, and handle struggles. And one of the most important lessons I’m learning is this:

Stop letting other people’s opinions decide who I am.

Whether I’m damaged, healing, broken, or rebuilding—those are conversations between me and God. Not random people who haven’t held a meaningful conversation with me in an over a decade, if ever. Not people who know only rumors or assumptions.

People love to have opinions. And sure, everyone has a rear end, and everyone knows what comes out of it.

Working on Myself Doesn’t Mean I’m Broken

Yes, I have some residual effects from a brain injury. Yes, I’m working on myself every single day. That doesn’t make me damaged—it makes me human, it makes me resilient, and it makes me honest about where I am.

Meanwhile, the people who cling to hatred toward me… I genuinely feel sorry for them. Because hatred is heavy. It eats you from the inside. It takes every negative thought and amplifies it until you forget what peace feels like.

I know this because I’ve had my own battles with hatred. I’m actively working on that. When those toxic thoughts surface, I tell them to leave. I take authority over negativity because if I don’t, it will take authority over me.

For Anyone Struggling: The Strength Is Already in You

If you’re dealing with addiction, anger, bitterness, or any mindset that feels like it’s controlling you, hear me:

You have more control than you think.

Movies love the cliché of someone searching for strength they’ve had inside all along. As cheesy as it sounds, it’s true. We often look outward for solutions when so much of the answer is already in us.

And if you’re filled with hatred toward me personally? You don’t have to be. Hatred is a choice—one that only hurts you. I can’t say I’m perfect in this area either, but I am working to take control over those thoughts instead of letting them consume me.

Keeping hatred inside only punishes me, and life has already punished me enough. I don’t need to do it to myself.

Analyze your thoughts. They matter more than you realize.

This is what I’m practicing daily, and what I encourage you to try:

Pay attention to your thoughts—especially the loud ones.

If hatred toward someone, or pain, or bitterness, or resentment is taking up mental space multiple times a day, it isn’t healthy. It’s not helping you. And it’s not permanent.

Whatever is consuming your mind, you can cast it out.

You deserve peace.

You deserve healing.

You deserve freedom from other people’s opinions.

And so do I. 🫶🖤

I’ve wondered for years, why do you hate me so much? We got along well before the wreck and you *seemed* pretty supportive after the wreck, until I asked you if we could try to rekindle our marriage. You said no, and I became depressed. I wanted a family and structure again.

I wondered why I survived the wreck, just 2 months after I woke up from the coma. My house had been sold, my life had basically ended. You also filed a bogus CPO claiming I asked an old landlord and/or her husband to kill you. There was no proof this happened, so I wasn’t charged with conspiracy to commit murder.

Why? Why did you do that to me? You kicked me when I was down. You have me blocked in every way. I have tried to make peace numerous times, but why would you want peace? You get about $400 a month for disability for the girls (even though I never requested a penny of child support after the divorce) and you have completely alienated me. You would get no benefit from the girls having a mom.

People ask me when things went sour with you, and the only thing I can think of is when I woke up from the coma. You wanted me to die. How can anyone not respect the hatred I have toward you: you took my daughters, shoved a knife in my back, and for the last 8 years, your silence and inability to compromise is vinegar on my bleeding heart.

You’ve done a good job of teaching my children to only see mistakes and disrespecting me.

Did you attempt suicide when Kurt Cobain died? Did you cheat on your wife(ves lol) and have an affair with an underage server(s)? (Multiple times and multiple wives/underage servers, pervert)

Did I not catch you high and drunk with an underage employee at your apartment with our daughters sleeping? Did I call the police? God I wish I would have. No, I called your mommy 45 miles away and let her handle it.

I like to buy stuff. When I find ergonomical deals that will make our lives easier, I buy them and give my opinion of them. Since I’m buying stuff I intend on liking, some if not all of my purchases get positive reviews.
I noticed mid December that some of my reviews had went away, and the remainder were slowly going away. I reached out to Amazon to inquire why this was happening. I made sure that my posts adhered to guidelines… They said that they thought I had a relationship with the sellers. That was preposterous because in my reviews, I stated why I purchased them and I gave positive and negative feedback.

Since my accident, I have been trying to adjust to a “normal” life… before the accident, I felt invincible. I was thin, worked out regularly, held positions at jobs that I really enjoyed, had a great relationship with my ex-husband, had a great relationship with my kids, had a great relationship with my parents, owned a beautiful home, I’d say I had a pretty good life. I wasn’t perfect, and I took all of the positives for granted. I was searching for happiness.

After I woke up from the coma, I noticed almost everything was gone. My kids, my ex-husband, my parents, most of the people in my life that I cared about held on to the mistakes that I had made in the past. I woke up to a nightmare. Most of the people aforementioned despise me.
I started seeing a neuropsychologist that helped me identify some personality traits that were harmful. I’m not perfect, but I’m trying hard to become a better person. My middle daughter and her paternal family hates me, but I respect that and I’m proud of myself for whom I’ve become, I become stronger everyday.

My doctor advised me to gain some hobbies. I have become a third-party contractor to audit merchandise in stores and displays of certain products in stores. I absolutely love doing that! Reminds me of my Marketing Director days for Tide. I use the money I make to test-out products and post my reviews on my other site: Stephaniegoogles.

As i mentioned, a couple months ago, I was informed that my reviews were no longer visible on Amazon. I exchanged some emails and fought with them for a couple days, until all of the sudden, my reviews were getting approved again. Two months later: I’m having the same problem again. Aside from retail therapy, it’s therapeutic for me too try new products and share my opinion of them with the world.

I talked to dozens of people today. All of them gave handbook, monotonous answers. I used to work for the Chase Mortgage Banking Executive Office, So I know those textbook responses like the back of my hand.

Finally, I spoke with a real – live human.
Marc was his name. He seemed empathetic to what was happening. He understood that my reviews and sharing my opinion is important to me. Everyone from my past and most of the people in my current life now look at me as disabled/worthless/pointless. Purchasing these fascinating items and giving my thoughts on them has been therapeutic. He understood that. fighting with Amazon to fight for my love of my hobby is slightly therapeutic. ha. My uncle told me last week that it brought him joy to see me get excited about purchasing stuff on my wish list. Most of those items I have given as gifts (so I feel less bad about retail therapy haha) I gave my oldest daughter some wireless headphones that I purchased for myself, but love them so much I gave them to her as a gift. I mentioned that in my review and it was heartbreaking to see that review was taken down. They were pretty cool wireless earbuds! I was so proud of my review because I talked about how much I loved my daughter in it, and I liked this purchase so much, I was going to give it to her. Broke my heart when I saw it was taken down.Thank you, Marc, for putting in the extra effort to help me. Thank you for making me feel important. I have an odd hobby, but it is emotionally fulfilling. You are the only Amazon employee that I won’t be throwing darts at tonight. Haha

They also removed my background photo to my profile ha ha ha ha

Thanks for the memories.

Emma and Lily just told me goodbye- “not forever”… bullshit. They look at me the way their dad looks at me- as a failure.

At least I have Alyssa and Noah.

I’m done trying. I need to move on without them. Lily looks at me with disgust when she sees me. I bought her 8 different types of loose leaf tea because I knew she likes them. I bought Emma a “proud army girlfriend” shirt. Apparently, I don’t respect how they feel. You know what? I don’t know how they feel, because for 5 years I haven’t had a casual conversation with them.

In 5 minutes I’m going to have to explain to their 3 year old sister that she won’t get to see them tonight. She has been looking forward to it all day.

Tim- it’s not over!

The fact that Tim will not close the case is proof that he’s very two-faced and doesn’t want me in the girls life.

Tim’s the same guy that teamed with my enemies (who text me they were conspiring with Tim to eliminate me from the girls lives) and claimed I asked my enemies to kill them. That’s screwed up on many levels.

You want to talk to me about living in the past? The fact that I could only communicate with my daughters once every 2 weeks at a therapy appointment is the past. That’s not normal. I (more than anyone else) want normal. I’m tired of living under a judgmental microscope of Emma, Lily, Tim, Maggie McClung, and anyone associated with them. I realized yesterday that I’m miserable when I’m around Emma and Lily because I feel so much pressure of judgment. I made the comment for the first time in a long time, “maybe I shouldn’t have survived the accident”. It surprised me because prior to that I hadn’t said that in years, and when I did it was in reference to my daughters.

I started taking down photos of Emma and Lily again last night because seeing them is heart-wrenching, everyday. I put up Christmas decorations of theirs that I need to put away (ornaments, artwork) They don’t want me in their life and I have to respect that. It rips my heart out that this blog is the only way I can tell them how crushed I am.

Imagine raising 2 daughters and them telling you they don’t want you in their life. It’s very sad.

Thank you for breaking my heart, right before Christmas.