I said that I had only 2 kids— that’s not true. I have 4. Two of them care that I care about them. I have had an eye-opening weekend, and Emma: you’ll be thankful I’m choosing to write a journal instead of blog. No it’s not because you told me “no one cares how you feel lol”, it’s because I can’t force you or Lily to love me, and I accept me. I learned over the weekend I AM INCREDIBLE. I defied odds. But you know what? I agree with therapy and medication, not weed and alcohol.
As I said this will be my last personal blog for a while. I really hope you two girls decide that medication and therapy is a positive option, because you’re both having emotional difficulties. I have emotional difficulties. Your dad does (or will admit he did in the past). Both of your grandmothers have emotional difficulty (and I’m happy my mom has embraced it and moved forward, your paternal grandma not so much)
If I have a life without you, I will be sad. Please know that your entire lives I have attempted to give you good memories, and I’ve attached a link below. Love me, hate me… idgaf. I know I tried and I’m damn proud of who I am today 🫶
Awesome to be ignored. Do you think self esteem, depression, and anxiety get easier as you grow older? It doesn’t. With my daughters, it’s more hard because I love you as much as I love being alive.
This all started when I missed you girls so much I wanted to die, just months after I almost died. At that moment, instead of getting encouragement, I got a bogus restraining order from your dad. No, life doesn’t get easier.
I’m petrified of what your dad and grandma are capable of. Alyssa’s dad is somewhat reasonable, but he is impacted by the 2 previously mentioned. I’m so tired of this war.
I’m not entirely sure, other than my suicidal ideation, why Tim and Linda hate me so much. When Linda tried to help me after the wreck, she became insulted I missed my mom. That’s the only bad blood we have, other than her giving me fear by running, unprovoked, and screaming at me multiple times.
Tim: hell if I know. Intentionally file a bogus restraining order order to alienate my daughters??
This situation has killed my reputation with my daughters.
They are so apathetic toward me. I can not do anything right in there eyes. They accuse me of being a horrible mom, even though I tried my best while being overwhelmed with life. My oldest made fun of me for posting my thoughts on this blog. Thanks, Emma. Apparently Im not allowed to have feelings. She makes fun of me more than she shows me love. Yesterday I lost value in my life, and she laughed. Im not suicidal but Im hoping I get a disease that kills me.
My 2 oldest children have turned into bullies, just like their dad. Please remember that your last conversations with me were both belittling me and telling me off. You’re both blocked on my phones as I am on yours.
5lb Purpose 