Both of my elder daughters assert that I acted in a manner befitting a poor mother and mentally abused them. Previously, I have acknowledged that I was far from composed during the period when they were children. I possess a multitude of delightful memories shared with them. However, there is one aspect that I cannot recall: them ever disclosing the profound and distressing secrets they allege I neglected. The response, “Naturally, you would claim that, for you disregarded them throughout their childhood,” is, therefore, expected.

Vividly, I recall making numerous attempts to encourage Emma to share her thoughts with me. She would respond by saying, “I’m just dealing with regular teenage issues, everything is fine.”

No way I’d have guessed she was going through a tough time, but when she finally admitted it, I really pushed to get her some therapy. It was a total uphill battle, who would take advice from someone you hate?

I wasn’t really in the loop during most of her teenage years and barely in touch with her (against my wishes). So, no surprise I was clueless about what was happening.

Seriously, I put in so much effort to hang out with you, but it felt like I didn’t really get to know the real you. I mean, do you plan on sharing the details of your personal life and mental health with someone you only see a few times a year?

Hey, how about this? Instead of saying I was a lousy mom, think about how I might not have been in the loop like you thought. I was always so stoked about how close to perfect you were, I had no clue you were dealing with stuff. I didn’t catch on to the issues, but I sure as hell gave you all the love and admiration I had. Maybe I missed some signs ’cause when you said “everything’s cool”, I took you at your word. No reason not to, and I’m sorry if you didn’t feel like sharing with me.

Based on your TikToks, I’m guessing your answer is a definite YES, you spilled the beans about everything you’ve been struggling with.

Nah, you didn’t. You might’ve thought you did, but when we hung out on the couch in the evenings and chatted, you left out details you seem to believe you shared with me. We had a fantastic relationship until 10 years ago, when you told the judge you didn’t want me in your life. As anyone can see in the Awake and Alive video, you seemed to kinda loved me. In all the pics and vids shown, ‘you kind of loved me’. I’m baffled about when you started hating me.

You know, every time I’ve run into you in the past 10 years, I’ve been a mess because I felt like I lost you and you didn’t want me in your world. You get that this has pushed me to the edge, right? Losing you has made me feel like I should just call it quits. Luckily, it’s just been thoughts and I’ve never had a solid plan.

I appreciate you taking the time to read. I kindly request everyone to refrain from making judgments about me.

Yes, I’m damaged. No one knows how difficult life is for me.