I’m thankful for life!

Today, I’m thankful for the woman God has made me, but

I have a lot to be thankful for.

I’m thankful for the friends I have. I had many friends that invited me to share thanksgiving with them (and their family, if applicable) today, and I chose to stay with my dear friends and their daughter, out of town. I had the opportunity to work, and I chose not to, because spending time with those dear to my heart was more important than the almighty dollar. I chose not to take advantage of economical savings (black Friday deals) for that reason. Unfortunately, some in my daughter’s life do not share that same view. I pray that my daughters know that family is most important, and their mother has learned where her priorities are.

One word: nom. And thankfulness. And friends. And love. Ok a lot of words…

I also pray for forgiveness toward the fathers of my daughters. I say I have forgiven them often, but unfortunately, I have not. They have caused irreparable damage for many people, including those dear to my heart. It’s not that I harbor hatred for them, it’s more bitterness and confusion because of the manipulative things they have done to me, and those I hold dear– including my daughters. I’m not confident I will ever respect them, but I do not want to harbor hate… even harboring bitterness, alone, would be a strong improvement.

Unfortunately, they counteract what they say and project, consistently, and by them doing that, it makes me feel more of a negative indifference toward them. I simply wish they’d stop fighting/being so negative towards me to make it easier on everyone, but after all this time… all these years… they still continue. What could’ve been smooth and easy, was thrown away. We, all, don’t have to like each other to be fair and raise our children, but by trying to cut the other parent off completely and refusing any extra time with them (ie major holidays) will only farther hurt the children, and unfortunately, justify my judgment.

I made an extra effort to help my friends, today, mainly so they could focus on enjoying their family time… because that is the utmost priority to me.

I’m blessed with the ability to create my own schedule, and for many years, I put that schedule ahead of my family. Unfortunately, I was very materialistic. I did not feel appreciated at home- I tried to fill the void in our marriage with stuff. We may have looked like a ‘picture perfect’ family, but I was consumed with depression and I didn’t handle it well. We, both, put on a very convincing act toward the world… and each other. The reason I got married was not justifiable from a rational standpoint. I was barely 20 and had a personality disorder that prevented me from making rational choices. I had a baby with a boy= so I had to create the dreams I wanted with that boy to have my dream family 🚫🤦‍♀️. Black or white mentality. Him or no family. I remember sobbing hysterically to my ex-sister-in-law the morning of my wedding in the spare bedroom of my parents home. I’ll never forget. It was summed-up as pre-marital jitters. I DID NOT WANT TO MARRY HIM. After our marriage, we did become ‘best-friends‘, but we never really had an emotional or physical connection, which lead to being unfaithful with each other. We still looked like ‘a perfect family’. After about a decade, I divorced him with the opportunity to have another husband/dream life, which was a horrific mistake. I was escaping an abdominal situation for an abhorrent path. Live and learn, they say.

A majority of my life, I was trying to create something that shouldn’t have needed to be created. It should have occurred genuinely.

Skip to shortly before therapy- I almost lost my life and woke-up from a coma very depressed. My ex-husband sat by my side, waiting for me to die. Of course, he put on a good act of looking concerned. Let’s face it: he wouldn’t have did a complete 180 degree turn in a couple weeks from being concerned, to putting an outright atrocious war. He put on that same ‘fake-personality’ act a majority of our marriage, until I found out he had lost his job for committing a sexual-act with a minor employee. Dumbfounded. He also hid a drug-addiction, for years, that he confessed to while drunk with my daughters asleep in his home. All the ajax in the world won’t clean our dirty laundry.

After being rejected by him once I was discharged from rehabilitation, I became consumed with trying to please a random guy. Because of my personality disorder, I assumed I could create a perfect family. Almost like a toddler, I said “mommy, daddy, baby… family”False. We had different paths. I lied to him on multiple occasions to please him. Once I started going to therapy, things ended abruptly with he and I. My youngest daughter was born of that disaster. ❤️

Looking back- I would not have changed a thing.

My life would be dramatically different if I had received proper therapy in my adolescence, but I would not be blessed with my beautiful daughters.

So, in closing, I’m thankful for the woman I have become. I am perfectly content with the person I am today. More than likely, if you don’t like me, you haven’t had a civil conversation with me in quite a while/if ever, or you’re not a respectable person, yourself 🐕. Or any friends/family of such people. If you don’t like me, it really doesn’t matter a whole lot, because as my daughters pointed out the other night, God is the only person I have to please, and myself.

Thank you for visiting, and to those of you who are there for me and have helped me to get to who I am today, thank you.

Wow, this was a lot longer than I expected. Thanks for bearing with me!!

🌈We’re not that different after all⭐️

In my path of learning how to deal with my personality and emotions, I have learned how routinely respect myself and others. I have such an appreciation for my friends, it’s not that I haven’t had such wonderful friends in my past, I haven’t looked at our differences and/or similarities as meticulously as I am now.

As cliche as it is to say, a majority of women have comparable predicaments. I was talking with a dear friend last night about bloggery, amongst other projects, and I was able to give advice and encouragement to her, and I needed to hear that myself.

The same struggles she was dealing with are very similar to the ones I feel, and I’m not sure if she realized that by talking about them, she brought up some very explanatory matters that I had never thought of.

That, my friends, is a form of altruism. By sharing her struggles with me, it caused me to be able to relate and offer support. That support was a refresher course to me.I needed that. By sharing her struggles with me, she helped me grow.

After realizing we also have obstinate personalities in common, I laughed.

We’re not that different after all.

Women, as a whole.

I have a muse and a musess that I address when I feel the need to partake in bloggery, and the suggestion was to discuss (sporadic) vloggery. That opened an interesting, informative conversation, so much I didn’t know or hadn’t heard about.

Don’t live in fear that you’re “just not good enough” or “people are making fun of you”. Who cares? <If blogging inspires you, do it!>

Don’t throw stones from glass houses…

if you have flaws, and guess what: I know you do, don’t humiliate or attack someone on social media because you don’t like them. I heard I was recently called a ‘mess‘ by someone I don’t think highly of and don’t have a whole lot of respect for, that’s throwing stones from a glass house. All I can say is I hope she makes peaceful, positive changes for the worlds sake.

Think outside the box:

How are they different? Is there a reason why they are? Can you relate in any way? More often than not, you can find ways to understand others that you may be inclined to judge or feel sorry for. Like the car that cut you off: maybe they are stressed; maybe they have an ill child/friend/family member; maybe they did it selfishly… who knows, who cares. Let it go. You don’t know, and you get no benefit from wasting energy on it.

So the moral of the story is:

  • Appreciate differences
  • Respect differences
  • Embrace differences