Gray Street

On New Year’s Day, I read my dear friend, @Jesyka1vee: Wise Little Hoots blog “How to create a vision board” and was inspired to create one with my 2 older daughters. It’s a work in progress, but it’s a very good activity to do with your children and for yourself.

wiselittlehoots.com

One thing I kept emphasizing, especially to my favorite middle-daughter, is you can’t do anything wrong: it’s yours. I explained that just like her, her vision board is perfect the way it is, perfect or not.

All 3 of my beautiful girls are gifted and talented in their own ways, but my middle daughter is a perfectionist. I understand her frustration, because I too have been a perfectionist. Before therapy, I was very ‘black and white’. It’s either perfect, or it’s a disaster. What I have learned over the last couple years, I have tried to share with you through my bloggery.Don’t sweat the small stuff, don’t worry because it’s only borrowing trouble. There is a gray area.

I was heartbroken to see her so frustrated over little details, I was trying to create a fun project with the little time I get with them. I wish I could do more projects with them, namely her, to show what I’m learning in therapy. I’m beyond excited to continue the project next week.

I think we will celebrate with cheesecake, Frappuccinos, and pineapple Teavanas. 💜

To be continued...

To be continued…

✨Don’t let anything steal your joy ✨

Over the past couple of years, I have been working very hard to acquire happiness, and every day I have woke up, I’ve attained just a smidge more positivity.

I have welcomed some new friends into my life, and I’ve become closer with some familiar friends that I felt happiness when I associated with. In an attempt to come “out of my shell”, I’ve done some (rational and calculated) spur of the moment things. I’ve never liked the #yolo(you only live once), but it’s very true. Life is so short and you truly have to enjoy the time that your here.

Nobody can take away your pain, so don’t let anyone steal your happiness.

I have, unfortunately, let some inauspicious people from my past make me angry. Most of us have allowed someone to make us angry. ONE MINUTE you are angry is SIXTY SECONDS of happiness that the person who made you angry, stole. Don’t let anyone steal your happiness.

Don’t let silly little things steal your happiness

Is it really THAT big of a deal? If it’s not, don’t let the fret steal your happiness.

7 more things that steal your happiness😫:

  1. Complaining✖️: you are what you speak, the fruit of our lips is what feeds the soul.
  2. Procrastination✖️: don’t put off something that you can check off of your to do list.
  3. Gossip✖️: Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Ephesians 4:29
  4. Approval seeking✖️: being liked by everyone is over-rated.
  5. Not keeping your word✖️: keep your joy by being careful with your commitments.
  6. Negative self-talk✖️: don’t be your own worst enemy.
  7. Attachment to circumstances✖️: learn to detach from circumstances and handle change with finesse.

Happiness is not a destination, it’s a journey 🙋‍♀️

7 steps to achieve happiness:

  • Think less, feel more ✔️
  • Frown less, smile more ✔️
  • Talk less, listen more✔️
  • Judge less, accept more✔️
  • Watch less, do more✔️
  • Complain less, appreciate more✔️
  • Hate less, love more ☑️💞

For the first time in my life, I am truly happy I’m alive. I’m not perfect, and that’s ok. I’m not in a relationship, and that’s ok. There are some things that steal my happiness, but when I review the fact that I’m more focused on happiness than retaliation, it gives me peace that tomorrow will always be better because it’s one step further into my journey through life.

7 things I’m personally happy about:

  1. I have 3 beautiful daughters that I’m incredibly proud of! I may not see them as much as I would like to, but gosh, they are beautiful, smart, and God used me to create them!!!
  2. I have wonderful parents. Whether they are near or far, I know that they love me and care for me.
  3. I have loving family. They are limited, a majority of my family is emotionally distant, but there are a handful of family members that I know truly love me.
  4. I own a beautiful home. Home is where the heart is 💞
  5. I have amazing friends! I’m so thankful for each one of you, I really am. Do me a favor and think of the last time we laughed. Wasn’t that funny?! 😉
  6. I’m healthy. I may not be 100% but I’m breathing and alive. 👍
  7. I’m blessed by the Grace of God. He has given me a sound mind and a big heart that work together everyday ⭐️

#peaceful #thankful #happiness #peace #respect #daughters #family

I hope you make mistakes this year 💯

Mistakes are proof you’re trying. If you are making mistakes, you’re learning. You are growing. You are trying new things that you’ve never tried before and taking chances.

Mistakes aren’t necessarily bad. Repeating the mistakes is bad.

Don’t beat yourself up. Learn from them and move forward.

There were times in my life when I would cut myself off from society when I made a mistake. Something would blow out-of-proportion/in my face leaving me in despair, and I would go to that dark place and give myself the hardest trial imaginable. I am, and have always been, my worst enemy.

So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes.

Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before.

Don’t hesitate, don’t isolate, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect;

You’re not insufficient.

Whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it.

I’m so very proud of my 3 daughters,they are scared to do things every morning when they wake up, but they conquer life every moment of every day.

I love you girls more than you will ever know. Thank you for teaching me to, in the words of Dori, “just keep swimming.” 🌊🐟

#mistakes #effort #strength #daughters #love

Vote for Clean Slate 2018

With christmas being over, time to start thinking of 2017 being over. What I hope to accomplish in 2018 is leaving 2017 in the past.

With a new year, we get a fresh start on not only our calendar, but our hopes and dreams.

What I hope to do is prepare for my future, and my daughters’ futures. I have full intentions of continuing to put them first.

While we prepare for the future, we have to learn to let go of the things in the past that prevent a positive outcome of future. This is a new beginning.

People that I have looked up to and trusted, have turned against me. I forgive them. I forgive myself. I could sit around listing their many faults, or listing mine, but that is not preparation toward the future.

We need to let go of the things that don’t prevent a positive outcome of the future.

Start over

Starting over takes a leap of faith. While you may have the excitement of potential possibilities and the forthcoming highway, you probably have the fear of things taken an unexpected disintegration.

Govern your regrets

As Robert Frost encapsulated, it’s debatable whether human beings tend to regret the road taken or the road not taken more.  Are your regrets things you have erroneously done, or things you faultily did not do? Use regrets productively to see where you’ve been, see where you’re going to go, and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Make a plan

Stop crying over spilled milk and get off the devil-advocacy carousel! Assign yourself a period of time (and only that time) to deliberately worry about your problem and learn from it. However, anxiety is fed by being alone, so one plan is to surround yourself with some friends you trust, and talk through your worries.

Use your imagination

  • Do what I say, not what I do
  • Make it easy to take the advice you give

Imagine your situation in a new light could give you a deeper understanding and help you to process it in a way you would advise someone else to do it. Recently, I have mentally put myself in my enemies shoes, I have remembered how I handled those dilemmas I was once presented with, and I’m embarrassed to say I acted similarly. I also realize by looking at it that way, it gave me more insight, “gosh I didn’t know the whole story when I acted like that!” Of course the situation wasn’t as complicated as mine, and I didn’t handle myself nearly as disrespectfully as others have or I could have, but by looking at it through different goggles, it gave me a different approach.

Focus your mindset

It’s not just what you’re thinking, it’s how your thinking.

  • Do you want a positive, peaceful conclusion?

or

  • Do you want to solve a problem?

So by focusing your energy on the goal, your approach isn’t working? That’s a signal to refocus your mindset so that you can reconsider all of your options.

Motivation

Be creative as you begin to think about what you want to do next, and get engrossed in things you could do that put you in flow. Crafts? Hobbies? Jump in 🙂

Never use your failure, yesterday, as an excuse for not trying again, today. We may not be able to undo damages, but we can always wipe the slate clean.

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#minniemouse #focus #love #forgiveness

Facing your fears

I had the joy of taking my young daughter to meet Santa the other day. She showed signs of fear and apprehension. When I pointed out traits that were similar to hers, or perhaps taken as , she wanted to investigate.

“Santa is over there alone, we should go say hi. He seems nice.”

“Santa nice.” She said as she nodded.

Initially, she remained hesitant and shy. I pointed out his fluffy suit. “I bet it’s soft!”

“Santa soft.” Still nodding.

“Do you want to go say hi?”

She replied, “no.” I respected her answer. I continued pointing out the positive aspects of the environment.

“Look how nice the snowman is!”

After about 10 minutes of observation and provision, the response of earlier stated question, was, “yes.”

When we endeavored Sankt Niklaus, I did it slowly and respectfully, for Pipsqueak’s sake. I made sure she was approbatory to our ascension to the Zanesville sector of North Pole. She was cautiously optimistic.

As we got closer, we sat down beside him, but I held her tightly in the safety of my scrawny, flimsy arms.

I don’t know about this, but mommy loves me and I know she’ll keep me safe…

I pointed out that he has 2 eyes, ears, a mouth, and a nose. I asked her,

“Does Santa have a nose?”

Yes mommy, he has a nose. Gosh… it’s right there.

Before I knew it, she offered her baby to hug Santa.

If my baby approves, maybe he’s not a villain.

Well, if my baby thinks he’s not a villain, maybe he’s ok… hmmmm

Moments later, she was flashing her charismatic smile.

I think I have a case of the ‘feel goods.’

I’m diggin it… I’m diggin it…

The moral of the story is…

The Pause/Proceed with Caution strategy is well understood by the name itself, is a solidity strategy that occurs when there is a pause to review the environmental conditions before advancing further into the situation. This also means that it’s important to not jump to conclusions without obtaining the factual knowledge.

If there is ever a situation that you feel the need to come to a conclusion prematurely, without sufficient thought or on incomplete evidence:

Stop. Think. Rationally evaluate.

PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Worldwide Photography, 2017

This is hereby declared a “rut-free” zone 🚯📈

I find it can be easy to get stuck in a rut, and even if I want to move forward with a predicament, it may feel overwhelming and/or futile. There some steps I like to take so that I can acquire the energy needed to escape this rut.

I first need to examine myself. Once I have completed the examination, I can take the first few steps forward into a better tomorrow.

What is your biggest problem with this predicament?

I’ve had to think about that recently, and I’m learning. Why would I argue over 5 minutes? I’ve already lost 5 minutes trying to decide if I wanted to argue about it. Waste of energy…

What is your feared conclusion?

If it’s cloudy, and I don’t want it to rain, I have to remember that rain makes flowers pretty. 🌈💐 Think about the negative and positive impacts that the feared conclusion has. Do you have anything that is worth worrying about? You know how the idiom goes… Worrying is borrowing trouble.

What do you hope will become of it?

Line that up with the other questions in this blog…

•If I am hoping for a beautiful day, won’t the flowers impact the day’s beauty?

•I can’t get back the 5 minutes I have lost.

What is your biggest characteristic feature that may be advantageous in this predicament?

My friend just asked me what I want to accomplish with this blog, and my answer is the same as it is any other day: I have always been a visual and linguistic learner. When I type these blogs, sometimes I have an ‘a-ha’ moment. I write down my thoughts, see them, and they click. It’s like a going to college as a hobby 🤓

My biggest characteristic feature is my desire to help others. I’m using that feature for a personal development, I’m sharing what I learn, in turn, I learn what I share. 🎀

Other things you need to make sure you do, and happen to be titles to songs music 🎶🎵:

Let it go (the past) : Mistakes and heartbreaks are best left as learning curves.

Listen to your heart : Others may offer guidance/advice. However, it could be hurtful and/or helpful. Regardless, you need to make decisions based on your own desires and ideas without worrying about what others expect of you.

Make up your mind : Not making a choice, is a choice itself. If you are consistently indecisive, it could hurt you (self-doubt) at the most crucial moments.

Right now : wouldn’t you rather fix the mistake, than worry about when it will happen?

Excuses : Something that is considered an obstacle can be overcome with little effort. Telling yourself that the obstacles are too overwhelming may be false, and it needs to stop.

No surprises : Sometimes, things do not need an explanation. Fixating on the desire for an explanation can hold you back from greater things.

Drive : Be honest with your fears, what is holding you back? Once you know your fears, learn how to let them go.

I know you’re confused, but stay strong and keep moving forward!!! What you have done so far shows that deep down, you DO desire peace. Keep that mindset and things will get better.

Post-partum Depression

The subject of post-partum depression come up this past week, and it came up again yesterday. It got me thinking, the worst times of my life have been mixed with the best times of my life.

When I became pregnant with all 3 of my daughters, I became my own worst enemy and I tore-down my self image.

How I handled my self-image caused a lot of damage with quite a few people. I have not had an opportunity to repair (or attempt reparation) with quite a few of those situations.

Before and after my daughters were born, I accept responsibility that I didn’t handle some things well, and it’s lining up with ante/postpartum depression.

Depression during pregnancy is called antepartum or prenatal depression, and depression after pregnancy is called postpartum depression.

I’m gathering the effects of such caused me to be undesirable to the men I was with, and I certainly felt undesirable. I didn’t seek the help that I should have during all 3 of my pregnancies, and I the fact that i hadn’t participated in therapy long-enough to understand how to process events with my youngest, caused quite a bit of problems.

I didn’t take it well when I found out about infidelity after my older 2 daughters births.

With all 3 of my daughters, the impulse actions seemed to be out of my control.

If you have the slightest concern you may have antepartum or postpartum depression, please talk to your doctor, or a therapist.

I would love to sit down and rationally discuss a positive plan with people in my daughters lives, but circumstances are preventing me from suggesting that. If the circumstances were to dissipate, I would love to discuss the future in a peaceful, rational way.

Here is some information on Antepartum Depressionand Postpartum depression.

I love my Girls🌙🔙,📈🍜, >∞💬

These tears I’ve cried…

I’ve cried 1000 oceans.

And if it seems

I’m floating in the darkness

Well, I can’t believe that I would keep

Keep you from flying…

And I would cry 1000 more…

If that’s what it takes to sail you home…

Sail you home

Sail you home

I’m aware what the rules are
But you know that I will run…
You know that I will follow you
Over silbury hill
Through the solar field
You know that I will follow you

And if I find you

Will you still remember

Playing at trains?

Or does this little blue ball

Just fade away

Over silbury hill

Through the solar field

You know that I will follow you

I’m aware what the rules are

But you know that I will run…

You know that I will follow you!

These tears I’ve cried

I’ve cried 1000 oceans

And if it seems

I’m floating in the darkness

Well I can’t believe that I would keep

Keep you from flying

So I will cry 1000 more

If that’s what it takes

To sail you home…

Sail you home.

I love you, Eldestto the moon and back 🌙🔙

I love you, Pilly, oodles and oodles like a bowl full of noodles 📈🍜.

I love you,Pipsqueak, more than a million squeaks > ∞ 💬

*Tori Amos, “1000 Oceans.” To Venus and Back, Atlantic, 1999.