Category: Purposes

It seems like we make this big meal, do all the prep and clean up, just to turn around and get Christmas going. There isn’t enough time to enjoy each holiday because it’s one right after another, and it makes the end of the year go by so fast!

No one really knows why our perception of time speeds up as we get older. It’s an interesting concept because as we age, many things slow down: our metabolism, our heart rate, our patience, our breathing… a lot of that has to do with our gradual alteration of biological clock. Children’s biological pacemakers operate more quickly, which means that those things I mentioned before all operate more quickly in a fixed period of time, which gives the impression more time has passed. When I was younger, I felt like once thanksgiving was over, it was practically 6 months until Christmas.

Another thing that could be a possible explanation is how we perceive past time effects the amount of new information we absorb. With lots of new evocations, our brains take longer to process the information… The periods of time feel longer leading to the “slow motion perception”, often reported in the moments before an casualty. The unfamiliar circumstances mean there is so much new information to take in.

A perfect example of this is the turtle. Turtle spirit animal symbolizes longevity and immortality in many mythologies around the world. This may be due to the fact that turtle always looks old with her wrinkly, dry skin and monotonous movement. Even freshly hatched out of the egg, she appears elderly. The association with longevity could also be due to the fact that turtles live for an exceedingly long time, the oldest known tortoise passed away in 2006 being 250 years old, another recently died 171 years. Science is backing what mythology already supports. Researchers have found that the entrails of turtles do not age, which is a astounding in the animal kingdom.

Link that to humans: turtles have a constant velocity, or lack there of, and as humans increase in duration, it goes from one extreme to another.

All the new adventures result in lots of new memories. When we look back at them, there are so many to go through, that it feels as if we were away for centuries.

Alternatively, when we are at home or work and going about our familiar habits (career, household activities) it’s less stimulating and fewer memories are laid down.

We feel that time is flying by because our customary days seem to take decades but are actually passing us by very quickly.

Most memories are compiled between age 15 and 25, when we experience lots of ‘firsts’ in love, work and life. As we grow older and our lives start to follow set patterns, we have fewer new experiences.

The firsts live on forever.

God reminds how wonderful He is and makes me a better person. Giving myself to Him was the best thing I have ever done. He doesn’t control my actions, but He guides me to make the most positive choices I truly can. There have been periods in the past couple years where I questioned my faith, but since I was a 4 year old walking across the road to church by myself, God has been calling in on my heart, He has not left me.

Throughout my life, I have explored other churches and other faiths. I finally found what I thought was “home“, and I studied there for 15 years. I truly felt connected to the pastor. Unfortunately, due to hostility and legal drama, I’m not able to return. I’m so thankful he met with me recently and prayed with me, that shows how amazing our Creator is. He puts people in our life in a time and season that is best.

I had the opportunity to meet with 2 very intelligent people today that are such an encouragement toward me to stay strong. I have so many people that my Lord has placed in my life with the sole purpose of reminding me that there is goodness in the world. My family is hundreds of miles away, and I’m going to be spending Thanksgiving with a true inspiration for how you can stay positive despite the negativity in the world. This particular person has done some inspirational things in the past couple of years:

• Overcame death
• Accepted responsibility for mistakes she has made
• Studied therapeutic coping mechanisms for stressors in her life
• Learned that despite negativity that pursues her, she does have good qualities that she can celebrate (see previous blogs Celebrate you and Celebrate you 2)
• Realized she is a creation of Almighty God, and is not a mistake, like she is told.

If you haven’t guessed, I am spending Thanksgiving with myself… Stephanie Rea Tilley. I’m content enjoying the day in my beautiful home that I’m blessed with. I overcame death when I survived a car wreck that put me into a coma. I’ve accepted responsibility for the mistakes I’ve made, including and instead of: blaming others, and I’ve sought out various forms of help. Through the help and therapy I’ve received, I’ve learned and am still learning coping strategies for the stressors in my life and continue to take extensive steps toward moving forward. I’m finding positivity in daily life and have realized as long as I have God, there will always be that positivity, light, and love.

I’m trying to share what I have learned (as a mother/and in therapy) in my breastfeeding support group on Facebook, and on these blogs.

In the words of the notable Self-affirmation specialist, Stuart Smalley: “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me.” 😉

I’m going to end on 2 notes:

1. Happy thanksgiving!!🦃🍁🍽
2. Praise the Lord! Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever! -Psalm 106:1

It’s approaching the end of the fall season, which is my favorite time of year. I love the cool-crisp air, bonfires, chili, leaves changing, so much more. It’s so pretty.

Growing up, we had a majority of our family events at my grandmother’s, and I have a lot of very fond memories. We always had salads before dinner, and that included homemade Italian dressing. My Cousins and I would bring our baby dolls and play with them in the spare bedroom. Grandma always had a coca-cola cookie jar filled with cookies. This is the time of year when we would go over and make homemade cookies. My favorite was raisin-filled. Mmm mmmm. On New Years, we would go over for ham, cabbage, and potato soup. During the summer, we would have many cookouts over there and swim in her pool. Easter included an eggstra-special Easter egg hunt. Most importantly, she always had Coca-Cola, the only soda worth drinking.

This is just a small portion of the beautiful memories I have from my Gramma Mac’s home, growing up. It has slowed down as we have got older and acquired different families. Since she has passed, it has ended. Even though I don’t talk to my family much (outside of my parents), I will forever hold the happy memories. 💜

I’m trying so hard to stay positive. Because of the CONSTANT attacks and accusations that my daughters’ father’s friends, family, and, well anyone within 10 miles of their hateful attitudes, I spend a lot of time at home, by myself.

I BEGGED for help from everyone I possibly could, and their prior attorney filed a restraining order for ‘emotional distress’. You really want to know about emotional distress? Try:

• almost dying in a car wreck
• waking up without purpose
• getting everything (including your daughters, church family) taken from you (because of your depression)
• getting pregnant then cheated on with a recovering alcoholic
• finding purpose then…
• fighting tooth and nail to see your newborn for an hour
• getting defaced and slandered by a drug addict and alcoholic
• Plus much more

I’m in the best place, mentally, I have been in, in years, but their constant manipulation is hurting my daughters… and me.

Someday, I will have the opportunity to explain to them that I love them so very much and I will never stop/never have stopped trying to show them that.

Unfortunately, what we are paying in legal fees probably could have sent each of them to Harvard.

This is a legal ‘pissing match’, excuse my French, and I’m not giving up anytime soon. I will sell the shirt off my back to fight for 1 hour with my daughters. I’m so thankful I have an attorney that believes in me and is willing to fight for me, no matter what. I’m thankful for him, my parents, and my friends that have stood by my side and are encouraging me to stay strong.

While I was pregnant, I listened to Alyssa’s heartbeat every night.

I purchased a Doppler to do so.

I talked to her, sang to her.

She was ripped away when she was 2 days old.

I haven’t seen her in over 2 months because her dad doesn’t have use for me, as we only dated 2 months and he didn’t attend any appointment I invited him to.

For 9 months I listened to her, talked to her, went to Mount Carmel East 2-3 times a week, begged her dad to be part of the pregnancy, invited him to appointments that he had no interest in attending, planned on giving her the best life I possibly could. Now I’m sitting alone, drinking rum on ice wondering why my daughters’ fathers do not respect me as a mother. Parental alienation is an act of violence aimed at an adult, but critically wounds a child. I have not been found unfit, and it’s embarrassing to have adults in my daughters’ lives spreading “assumed knowledge”/slander that embarrasses my daughters, ultimately. I was told that Maggie, Alyssa’s stepmom, posted something evil about me and people that I have never even met asked why I couldn’t just take a hint and accept defeat. You know why I can’t? Because for 9 months, I listened to her, talked to her, went to Mount Carmel 2-3 times a week every week, and gave birth to her.

Mommy loves you, Pipsqueak, and Mommy can’t wait to hold you really soon!

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path.” -Paulo Coelho

You and I, we judge others. Unfortunately, others judge us too. We all do it. Sometimes we judge with positive/non-harmful intentions.

Almost always our judgment often comes from a negative place, with darker intent.

Why Do We Judge?

Though we judge for many reasons, we often do it when:

• We don’t know them

• We don’t understand them

• We see the person as a threat

When we judge for the first reason, we are basically looking for the most simple way to cluster the thoughts that are presented to our minds. When we judge for the second and third reasons, we often are overwhelmed with negative emotions and thoughts toward others, which causes stinging and prejudiced failure because we don’t understand them, or (perhaps erroneously) see them as a threat.

Despite our best efforts, we all judge others. It might be over small things, like a co-worker who took too long of a lunch break. Or it might be over bigger issues, such as a person who behaves selfishly or hurts our feelings.

Imagine you are walking through the woods and you see a small dog. It looks cute and friendly. You approach and move to pet the dog. Suddenly it snarls and tries to bite you. The dog no longer seems cute and you feel fear and possibly anger. Then, as the wind blows, the leaves on the ground are carried away and you see the dog has one of its legs caught in a trap. Now, you feel compassion for the dog. You know it became aggressive because it is in pain and is suffering. -Tara Brach [psychologist/meditation teacher]

What Can We Do About It?

Celebrate you: when you’re happy with yourself, you’re less critical of others.

I’ve become aware that when I judge, it’s because I feel threatened. Now that I’ve identified that, I step back and ask myself whether my judgments are true.

• Example: jealousy is a prejudicial judgment: If you feel like someone is more attractive than you, they are not necessarily conceited.

In my opinion, judging others is inevitable. It’s how we are wired as humans. We just have to learn how to control our judgment so that it’s not socially harmful.

Our judgments mostly have to do with us, not the people we judge, and the same is true when others judge us.

In most cases, we judge others in order to feel better about ourselves, because we are lacking self-acceptance and self-love.

If we could learn to embrace ourselves as we truly are, would we still be so judgmental toward others? Most likely not. We would no longer need a reason to put someone else down just to raise ourselves up.

This is only one of the many reasons why self-love is so important and powerful. If we could all learn to love ourselves, we would make our world a much more compassionate and much less judgmental place.

The moral of the story is that as I traverse though life and encounter many people, I have learned that my actions and the actions of those around me, have created many different perceptions of the events that have been linked to me. I could choose to continue to participate in the negative activities/reinforce negative views and travel further down the rabbit hole/continue to let chaos dominate my life, however we need to stop and realize that there is more to life than getting caught up in the riff-raff and bad juju that are the motivating factors in some people’s lives. The actions that I carry forth effect not just myself, but my children. Regardless of what has happened in the past, and the consequences of those actions, I need to demonstrate that good can come from evil, and that anybody can overcome negativity and bad judgement. 👌

That quote from Joyce Meyer has really spoke to me. I have had quite a bit of difficult trials in my life, And I haven’t necessarily handled all of them well, let’s be honest, I’ve handled almost all of them incorrectly.But what I can say is, I’m learning. I’m learning how to cope with stressors, I’m learning how to accept responsibility for my faults, and I’m learning to celebrate my victories.I’m going to share with you some things that I have learned:

•God is with me and is in control. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5

• Patience
• Kindness
• Contentedness
• Humility
• Respect
• Forgiveness

Reminders of what we are to practice every single day.

Get in touch with your defense mechanisms:

(A defense mechanism is an unconscious psychological mechanism that reduces anxiety arising from unacceptable or potentially harmful stimuli.)

•Altruism: it’s easier to reduce your defenses by, not only accepting fault, but showing others how you are conquering your struggles. Not only am I accepting responsibility for my mistakes with you right now, but I’m trying to help you not make the same mistakes I have 😊

•Distractions: (albeit temporary relief) temporarily focus your attention towards something less threatening. Something my mom has helped me to do is watch “Oprah’s Master Class”. Oprah’s Master Class is an unprecedented look into the minds of modern masters making a unique impact on the world and the lessons they’ve learned along the way. Another good show she has got me into is Ellen. I mean, come on. She’s funny. 😝

Any rational, conscious effort that a person takes towards making their life more positive can be considered mature coping.

•Another way to avoid our defense mechanism is, when you hear something you don’t necessarily want to hear, respond respectfully: “I respect you feel that way.” Sometimes I follow it up with, “but I feel differently” or, “I understand what you’re saying” or, “.”(nothing)

•Becoming more aware of your own values and how those values correspond to your community’s moral sensibilities, and to your own actions. Your values are the principles you believe in and have invested in (which is why they are said to have “value” in the first place). Values are the goals towards which you aspire. They largely define the core of your identity. More importantly still, they are the source of your motivation to improve yourself. If you did not value self-improvement, for example, you would not be reading this blog right now. Follow up with my blog “Celebrate you” 1 and 2 😊

• List out what you value, what you want from life and how you want to live. Also list out what you think you’re supposed to want, and what other people who are important to you want for you.Look for two sorts of discrepancies:

• Discrepancies between what you want and what society wants,

• Discrepancies between what you want and where you’re actually at.

Message me if you don’t necessarily understand what I’m saying 🙂 I have an open ear, mind, and heart. 💜Good luck 👍🍀

It has been a stressful year thus far. Im slowly learning how to deflect negative aura and reflect positive aura. Sometimes when we are in stressful situations, we harbor bitterness. Guilty as charged. I have made some mistakes under stressful times, and I haven’t necessarily handled them well. The harmful souls in my life stredded me on social media with *defamation per se. Some of them were my enemies, some were lifelong “friends” of my past, some were strangers that didn’t even know me. 

I prayed for peace and happiness to God and gave my daughter’s bottle as an offering to nature. 

“Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” I wish I truly believed that. I’m trying to. 

*Defamation Per Se refers to defamatory statements that are so vicious and the harm is so obvious, that malice is assumed, and proof of intent is not required for general damages (i.e. falsely accusing someone of committing a crime involving immorality; claiming someone has a repugnant, contagious disease; or statements claiming that the individual is unfit or unable to perform his employment duties.) Most states specifically recognize these categories of false statements as defamatory per se. 

And Hayley Watson, I didn’t read your comment before I deleted it. I wish you well.

Someone who’s hiding something may get overly defensive when asked about a schedule or the night’s activities. Keep this in mind as you judge between normal teenage behavior and signs your loved one might be using drugs or alcohol.

No single item or even several of them indicate a secret alcoholic for certain. However, these are common subtle signs that someone may have a pre-occupation with or over-reliance on alcohol. Alcoholism is a disease that does not go away, however it can be treated.

If you suspect someone you love may have a problem with alcohol, look for ways to get help. There are many resources for family members affected by alcohol such as Al-anon.

Here are 14 signs that can indicate a secret alcoholic:

1. Secret Drinking – Drinking alone or before or after going out. Talk of “getting ready to go out” which involves having drinks before going to an event. As alcohol use increases regularly, a person needs more to get the same effect. So the secret alcoholic often drinks before or after going to events involving alcohol to be at the same level as friends.

2. Hiding – Not only will the secret alcoholic drink secretly, they will frequently have hiding places for alcohol. If you suspect someone of being a secret alcoholic, look for full or empty bottles of alcohol. Common hiding places are bathroom cabinets and shelves (often top shelves), in garages, in closets, clothes, bags and suitcases and in kitchen cabinets hidden behind other cans, jars and boxes. Empty bottles may be found under furniture and in cushions. Also look in outside garbage and recycling bins. Do you notice trash being mysteriously taken out?

3. Vodka Becoming Preferred Drink – Vodka is often the preferred choice for secret alcoholics because it is colorless and fairly odorless so it can be added to many beverages without being noticed. Generally the only way to determine if vodka has been added to a beverage is to taste it. Also, look for vodka on store receipts, or someone switching to vodka as their preferred alcohol choice.

4. Missing/Being Late for Important Events or Having Unexpected Absences– Increasingly the person misses or is late for important appointments, work, school and family events. The secret alcoholic may disappear for periods of time, or may claim to be somewhere they are not. They frequently need to go on a variety of “errands”.

5. Making Excuses to Drink – Frequently stating and actually following through on: “I need a drink”. They will also become defensive when someone discusses their drinking or will give their “reasons for drinking” with little prompting.

6. Drinking at Inappropriate Times – You may notice drinking in the morning, even upon waking. Alcohol added to morning coffee or juice. Or drinking a large amount of alcohol at lunch or early afternoon.

7. Increased Isolation, Loss of Interest – As alcohol becomes more of a focus for the alcoholic, they tend to ignore other areas of their life. They may avoid people in order to hide their drinking, refusing to attend outings or gatherings with family and friends. They also may lose interest in things they once loved or enjoyed.

8. Frequent Mood Swings – Alcohol use and withdrawal affects a person’s mood and thinking. Sudden outbursts, intense rage, depression and sadness are common.

9. Physical Symptoms – Trembling hands, flushed face and red or blotchy skin are common.

10. Memory Loss and Blackouts – Forgetting certain events or facts or completely failing to remember portions of time.

11. Over-focus on alcohol – Instead of focusing on who will be at an event or where it is, the secret alcoholic will often dwell on what and when they can drink, instead of simply enjoying socializing.

12. Drinking Quickly or Chugging – Secret alcoholics will often chug or quickly drink their first few drinks.

13. Drinking rituals – Always drinking at certain times (immediately when getting home from work, always before dinner) or in certain places. The mark of a secret alcoholic is that they NEED to keep their ritual of drinking. They become upset or cannot cope when their ritual is disrupted.

14. Missing valuables – Addictions end up being expensive. Sometimes in order to hide the amount of money being spent on alcohol, the secret alcoholic will take money or valuables.

Reference: New Hope Recovery Center

Less is more. Something that has really become apparent to me is that less is more. That, mixed with, actions speak louder than words. You could tell somebody that you love them 500 times but if you don’t show it, the love is not there. You could say it once, and if you’re showing love, that once will be heard 1 million times in their heart and head. Also, by saying one-thing once, that’s all you need to do. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t say it more than once. Remember, repeating yourself numerous times is basically a waste of your time and the audience’ time. 
Including too many details in a description, in my honest opinion, opens the door to drama. It opens the door to more topics that can be analyzed. Example: 
The chicken crossed the road. 
The elderly chicken quickly crossed the road during rush hour with a flower in his hand. 
Why are the adjectives necessary? Just a description? Why? The chicken crossed the road. Period. Adjectives are for making a person feel more involved and emotionally invested whereas not using them is more for technical and to the point. Choose your use of ‘more words’ carefully and sporadically. 

Not only does repetition waste peoples time, it causes the words to lose their meaning. Repeating that the chicken cross the road numerous times, or worse, adding new, pointless adjectives in every repetition, makes people despise the chicken. 

The chicken crossed the road. 🐥