Lying in bed, missing my 2 oldest

I’m not sure how 1 judge can think I’m a good mom and 1 judge believe the lies of a vengeful ex husband.

I know my daughters get upset when I mention their dad, but how in the hell am I supposed to feel that he kicked me when I was down? I was in a car accident, lost my life as i knew it, and wondered why i was alive. He shoved a knife in my back.

I’m supposed to pretend that didn’t happen?

Made up a bogus restraining order? Alienated me from my daughters?

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL?

Am I supposed to just forget they exist? Keep fighting for them?

There is no right answer. I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

He took most of the photos and videos from me while I was in a coma, this is most of what I have:

I enjoy every moment I’m awake with my 2 youngest