Sending Postcards From A Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here)

Unfortunately, I am unable to express my side of the story. When I say story, story is a loaded word. “Story” pertains to my feelings and what I expect from others as well as what I want.

I might ramble on and sound like a broken record, but the fact is, I want to bury the hatchet and work towards peace and harmony. I imagine that people like to sit around in a circle and share their favorite negative stories about me. That’s okay. We all grow and change. I guess the hardest part is that the other side of the coin really doesn’t want to get along and work together.

Some people may say that I am an unfit mother. They can go around in circles and try to convince others of this, but I know that I am more than capable of raising my 3 year old and her one month old brother. I never waste a moment with them and show them how much love I have.

On any given day, we are partaking in library story-time, ballet class, walks to the park, field trips to the local art museum, signing/vocabulary/general lessons that help foster numerous motor and mental skills that will help them develop into model children any parent would be proud of.

Those that still want to hold power over can try as they might, but time and time again, I am more than capable of showing that I have grown and am able to nurture my children. I also have medical records that certify that with the use of dialectic behavioral therapy, amongst many other self-growth measures I am and have utilized, I am making an effort to grow, positively, daily.

When Alyssa and Noah look back, they’re going to see that they had an amazing childhood. Nobody or no action will be able to take that from them.

I do regret that I am not able to provide for my elder children the way I can for my younger ones. There are many forces that are working against me, and I am unsure of how to overcome those. Those forces harbor a lot of hatred toward me. When I try to show grace and humility, I am shut down.

I love all of my children. I wish I could show it better and more often to my oldest. I realize I made mistakes in their childhood, but I hope they understand how much I loved and cared for them. I overlooked so much that was destroying me in an attempt to give them the life I hoped for them. I loved taking them on field trips (Wisconsin, Washington D.C., to see their dads family in New York, planetarium and Land Between the Lakes state park in Kentucky), kitchen projects, make-overs, deep discussions in the living room over Good Luck Charlie… I hope they cherish those memories as much as I do.

Thanks for stopping by, come again soon.

i had to hide the camera to record her so you could see the uninhibited young lady i see every minute i am with her 💖👩‍👧

*Joseph Trohman, Pete Wentz, Andrew Hurley, Patrick Stump, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, 2003