If you can’t say something nice, keep your pie-hole shut :)

Despite people’s efforts to message mean derogatory things, I need to keep my head up. Yes it hurts me and I have lashed out, but I have to set a good example for Alyssa.

As easy as it is to resort to childish games, and pregnancy hormones kicking it in making it even easier, I need to reflect on what I’ve done and go a different path.

My youngest and I, like to keep our time together about us. When we are together, I am working on saying positive things about the people in her life. I can’t say that I’ve always abided by that philosophy, but I’m human. I’ve gotten very mean and disturbing texts. Cyber bullying is a very serious and scary thing that people deal with on a daily basis. I would hate it if anybodies’ children received the messages that I have. My hormones did not lead to react the way I should have. As an adult, I need to just delete, and move on. I shouldn’t partake and fall into the trap.

My youngest needs to learn that it isn’t okay to call people names. As much as I dislike certain individuals, and I know the feeling is mutual, I need to keep things civil and respectful. I know we are never going to get along. My daughter takes after me in so many ways, that I need to always remember to show kindness, even if it’s super difficult for me to do. There some steps that I need to take to make sure she only knows kindness. I don’t want her to pick up negativity.

Somethings in my household just don’t need to be talked about. When people give mommy bad juju, it affects everyone around her. Alyssa and I will remain steadfast in focusing on the relationship that we are building, and when we are together, we will only focus on what we can do to spread kindness and happiness, despite other’s intentions to troll me and get me worked up.

I implemented a new rule today, certain names are not to be mentioned. It was not received well by her dad.

Stephanie when she was young and Alyssa at 2 😊

So here is the request: I would like suggestions and feedback about my approach.

Am I being childish by not wanting good, bad, or indifferent commented in her and my house? Yes, the rule only applies to inside of our house.

Thank you for reading and feedback is appreciated!

12/14/2018 update sent to Stephanie from a friend:

4 thoughts on “If you can’t say something nice, keep your pie-hole shut :)

  1. I agree completely with Cassi on this one. She should be comfortable with confiding in you. As much as you dislike that person, she is a part of Alyssa’s life and Alyssa will talk about her. You don’t want to cause her any stress. Just enjoy every fleeting moment because these sweet kiddos grow up all too fast.

    Ignore the negative people in your life. They are not worth your time. Think happy and don’t let people like “them” get under your skin.

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    1. I, guess, what I’m trying to avoid is her daily interrogations from her dad about if we talked about “Marge”. Whenever they pull away, she yells out the window, “we no talk about “Marge”. I was doing this to try to stop the persistent inquests to her. Of course “Marge” is just conceded enough to think we sit around talking about her. Double-standard because he brought up in court I “waste” her and I’s time teaching her sign-language. Please, give us a script of what you want us to do. I guess art-class, dance-class, library story-time, play dates, sign-language, etc are less important than Marge. I would really like him to talk to her about the fore mentioned instead of Marge.


  2. As hard as it is, the best thing for Alyssa is allowing her to speak of any part of her life at any time she pleases. If she feels the need to hide anything while in your home it only causes stress. I know it isn’t an easy feat. But her feeling comfortable coming to you and speaking about any facet of her life will create a better bond between both of you that will last a lifetime. Even if it is about “Marge.” Answer with positives such as “that sounds like fun!” And ” oh how nice!” If “Marge” is referred to as Mommy in your home, just gently ask “You mean “Marge?” Let her call “Marge” whatever she wants in “Marge’s” home. It’s a survival mechanism for her and she will be squeezed into doing what they say. Your gentle questions will create no friction for her and she will slowly feel more comfortable with herself and calling “Marge ” an appropriate name even in that home.

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