One step forward, two steps back

As I have stated before, I have a lot to be thankful for.

It is rough this Christmas, though.

The court orders have made it so that I won’t get to spend time with my older daughters and my parents. My parents were put into a position where it was either with me, or my girls. My parents chose the girls. I have never, really, been close to my family, as I was adopted. I am not accustomed to this scenario.

My ex-husband is and has done everything to eliminate me out of my daughters lives, and he has been pretty successful. What’s hard though is before my wreck, I had full-custody of them (and didn’t even realize). I got along with their dad (as long as I told him what he wanted to hear). He, unfortunately, is very manipulative, and he’s fashioning my daughters in that direction. He is doing EVERYTHING he can to fight the judges order for therapy between my daughters and I. I want therapy. I want things to get better, he doesn’t. I have no idea what I can do to get things on the right path. I feel as though everything I do is wrong. I will keep praying.

My youngest daughter’s father is somewhat mature and reasonable. There has been an increasing number of people affiliated with his circle that have been going out of their way to harass me. I don’t know what I can do to avoid this. I don’t want to get off of Facebook. I’m debating getting a new phone number just so these people will not be able to contact me. Between the multiple fake fb accounts and random numbers messaging me, they are driving me to mental exhaustion. Again, I will need to pray for guidance.

I know I have a lot of baggage. Between court orders to see my kids, and the fact that I don’t get along with people, I am alienated from my family this Christmas season.

I’m so very thankful for a great church with many of the members to call family, and I have some other great friends I can really depend on.

I know this blog isn’t going to help things, but I’m just frustrated that I seem to be the only one that wants things to get better. My family (Denise, namely) possesses the mentality to block what you don’t like, to be happy. I can’t do that because every time I block people, they just create a new fake account.

I will keep praying for my daughters and my exes.

I just have to appreciate my family: Alyssa, baby boy (due 5/2019), and my close friends/church family.

Merry Christmas

Thanks for stopping by

My world watching Supergirl as I type 🥰

Scriptures to look at

Matthew 7:1-5
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

John 8:7

When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 

Luke 6:35

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 

James 4:11-12

Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?

Romans 2:1

You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.

Romans 12:16-18

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

1 Corinthians 6:1-6

If any of you has a dispute with another, do you dare to take it before the ungodly for judgment instead of before the Lord’s people? Or do you not know that the Lord’s people will judge the world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more the things of this life! Therefore, if you have disputes about such matters, do you ask for a ruling from those whose way of life is scorned in the church? I say this to shame you. Is it possible that there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers? But instead, one brother takes another to court—and this in front of unbelievers!


1 John 2:9

Those who say that they are in the light but hate other believers are still in the dark.

Matthew 5:11

Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.

Revelation 21:8

But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.

If you can’t say something nice, keep your pie-hole shut :)

Despite people’s efforts to message mean derogatory things, I need to keep my head up. Yes it hurts me and I have lashed out, but I have to set a good example for Alyssa.

As easy as it is to resort to childish games, and pregnancy hormones kicking it in making it even easier, I need to reflect on what I’ve done and go a different path.

My youngest and I, like to keep our time together about us. When we are together, I am working on saying positive things about the people in her life. I can’t say that I’ve always abided by that philosophy, but I’m human. I’ve gotten very mean and disturbing texts. Cyber bullying is a very serious and scary thing that people deal with on a daily basis. I would hate it if anybodies’ children received the messages that I have. My hormones did not lead to react the way I should have. As an adult, I need to just delete, and move on. I shouldn’t partake and fall into the trap.

My youngest needs to learn that it isn’t okay to call people names. As much as I dislike certain individuals, and I know the feeling is mutual, I need to keep things civil and respectful. I know we are never going to get along. My daughter takes after me in so many ways, that I need to always remember to show kindness, even if it’s super difficult for me to do. There some steps that I need to take to make sure she only knows kindness. I don’t want her to pick up negativity.

Somethings in my household just don’t need to be talked about. When people give mommy bad juju, it affects everyone around her. Alyssa and I will remain steadfast in focusing on the relationship that we are building, and when we are together, we will only focus on what we can do to spread kindness and happiness, despite other’s intentions to troll me and get me worked up.

I implemented a new rule today, certain names are not to be mentioned. It was not received well by her dad.

Stephanie when she was young and Alyssa at 2 😊

So here is the request: I would like suggestions and feedback about my approach.

Am I being childish by not wanting good, bad, or indifferent commented in her and my house? Yes, the rule only applies to inside of our house.

Thank you for reading and feedback is appreciated!

12/14/2018 update sent to Stephanie from a friend: