I love you, mostest! ✨

I love the routine I have with my youngest, Princess Peach/Pipsqueak

We spend most of our days drawing and giggling, doing random and scheduled activities, and hanging out with her friends and their parents. It makes me sad we don’t hang out with her sister-from-another-mister Tegan and her brother-from-another-mother Boo (Malakai) as much as we’d like to. They both hold the position as BFF’s. Their parents have a 3-way tie with BFF with her Momma. 😘

I think we are going to COSI tomorrow… haven’t decided. I’ll ask her in the morning. I have a feeling her answer will be yes. 🤷‍♀️

She has become quite a bit better with dance, she is in dance lessons every week.

We went to art camp at the local museum. We couldn’t do all of the days (not saying why, but you can take a guess… 🤦‍♀️) but they days we did go were quite entertaining.

We go see Mammaw and Pappaw to bug them quite often 😘 My parents are such good grandparents and I know for a fact (at least) Alyssa loves having them as grandparents very much.

We go to church on Sunday morning. We go a little early to have a snack in the HeBrews cafe. Alyssa has fruit and hard-boiled eggies 🥚 and I have… coffee ☕️. You guessed it.

We have been continuing to work on sign-language and I’m very proud of how well she is doing.

I love being her mother and I LOVE LOVE LOVE the 4 glorious days a week I get with her. I can’t wait to start our new plan next week where I will have her 4 days uninterrupted every other week with her!!! My heart is so full every moment she is in my life! When I’m not with her, my heart is happy, because I know that I am her “1 mom“. I ask her who her momma is and she taps on my torso and says “momma! ☝️one momma.”

I will never forget 2 dates: May 2, 2016 at 1:10am (her birth) and April 4, 2018 at 11:24am (the first day of her new life)!

So our routine:

Before her dada comes to pick her up

  • She gets a bathie (with colors and bubbles, of course)
  • She gets all primped with her Orange Blossom Honey lotion and puts on her jammies
  • We eat dinner or a snack (normally involving eggies or noodles, her 2 favorite foods
  • We sing our song, 1000 oceans (she ‘knows’ all of the words and sings along 😍)
  • We go outside to swing and read our book, If You Were My Bunny (unless it’s too rainy for an umbrella and we have to come inside😭)
  • When dada comes, I say, “I love you!” She says, “I love you, more!” I reply, “I love you, most!” She replies, “I love you, more-mostest!” as they are leaving. She didn’t today, I’m assuming because her dad’s girlfriend was there and she feels the tension her and I have. Unfortunately, I don’t see the tension leaving the scene anytime soon, but I have no control over it and the person that does refuses to hold anyone other than me accountable. 🙄

So in conclusion, I’m so lucky that God used me to create His gift to the world: Alyssa Copelynn.

Thanks for reading! Come again, soon!!

I miss my Emma and Lily

I’m so excited that I have got to spend more time with my youngest, but it doesn’t repair the fact that I am completely alienated from my older two daughters.

I enjoy life with my youngest, they enjoy life with my youngest, but we’ve never get to enjoy life together.

I would love to take them to the zoo, I would love to take them to COSI, I would love to take them to a waterpark, recreational park, hiking, swimming, gym, I would love to do anything with the three of them together.

It is been brought to my attention that they are not interested in having more time with me. Their father filed a motion asking to cease the one hour I get a week with them, because that’s what they want.

I find that hard to believe because I enjoy and love the time with my daughters so much. Do they really hate me? Have I really been that bad of a mom? Their paternal family has almost completely alienated them from their maternal family, myself included, so why would they want a mom? Their lives are completely fine without one, or so they are led to believe.

I’m heartbroken because I have lost so much time with my daughters and they have moved on without me... I’m out of their lives. There’s no reparation that they are interested in. There’s nothing I can do to show them I’m not the monster they believe I am. There’s nothing I can do to show them I have loved them since before they were born. I have done everything I could to provide them with a happy future, but they have moved on without me. I was never perfect, and I made mistakes. I’m sorry for the mistakes that I have made.

There are no second chances with them, and I’m heartbroken.

I am trying to raise money for psychological evaluations… I need help. I simply don’t have the funds. I want to be able to go to therapy with my daughters to be the mom they need, but I’m so alienated, I don’t even know what that is.

Please help me to help them.

I guess I should focus on my youngest and wait for my older daughters to decide if they want a mother.

Sorry for the heartbroken blog, but I have realized I failed at being a mother, twice, but I won’t fail with Alyssa. Maybe I will meet my Prince Charming and have the family I’ve always dreamed of, but for now it’s just Alyssa and I.

Thank you for stopping and come again soon.