Parental Alienation 😢

Well, I’ve made the decision to devote this bloggery to a pandemic: parental alienation. It has affected me for going on 3 years.

I was recently a guest on a great internet-radio show, Far From Normal. I have learned a lot and have embraced what is near to my heart.

4/10/2018 Far From Normal radio show

I don’t want drama.

I don’t want negativity.

I just want to be a mom to the daughters that I have brought into this world.

I formed them inside of me and I have become a victim of alienation from them. I take responsibility for not handling everything perfectly, but I will use the excuse of the mental despair that alienation causes. There are far too many malefactors in, not only my case, but quite a few cases.

What is happening is that enemies are putting themselves above what is best for the children. Assailants are aspersing each other. In my case, it was my children’s fathers’ previous attorney and not only them, but namely the females in their lives that caused thousands of dollars in improvidence and thousands of hours of melancholy.

Lie after lie, after lie have been formulated in an attempt to bring me down, and did (successfully) for a small amount of time. I have done nothing but accept responsibility for my faults and have learned to grow.

My daughter’s fathers are 100% their fathers, despite who I chose to have in my life, and guess what? I am 100% their mother. I have never tried to replace them, and I stand firm that I never will.

I have been told that I need to just die by one of said women. Of course she isn’t owning up to saying it. I’m owning up to things that I have said or done that I’m not proud of, but that’s what gives me the confidence to fight back toward hatred and animosity. I don’t have to deactivate and reactivate my social media and I sleep well at night, because even though I am not friends with my daughter’s fathers’, I’m respecting them and not creating arduous accusations and lies to contravene them.

Every child has a fundamental right and need for an unthreatened and loving relationship with both parents. To be denied that right by one parent, without sufficient justification such as abuse or neglect, is itself a form of child abuse.

For the child, parental alienation is a serious mental condition, based on a false belief that the alienated parent is dangerous and formidable.

The severe effects of parental alienation on children are well-documented are widespread, as children lose the capacity to give and accept love from a parent:

  • low self-esteem
  • self-hatred
  • lack of trust
  • depression
  • substance abuse and other forms of addiction

Parental Alienation and Parental Substitution

Parental substitution is exactly what it sounds like. Replacing a parent with another, giving the child the impression (and ultimately, if allowed to go on long enough, the conclusion) that someone other than the child’s parent is really the parental figure. If the biological parent isn’t, or has no interest in being, in the child’s life that’s an exception to this summary.

What I am implying as improper parental substitution: a father and his girlfriend have influenced his son or daughter to believe she has two mothers – his girlfriend and the child’s biological mother. Let’s further assume in our hypothetical this parental substitution has gone on for many years before the biological parent got any rights, even though she was actively (though not equally) involved in the child’s life and even though she was weary of what he saw.

This is not unusual and when any parent, father or mother, sees him or herself being replaced in the child’s eyes, that parent experiences, what is now recognized in the DSM-V as an official disorder. Thanks to the fifth edition of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is now, basically, logged in as an official disorder. The new (more broad) category of “child psychological abuse” is defined as “non-accidental verbal or symbolic acts by a child’s parent or caregiver that result, or have reasonable potential to result, in significant psychological harm to the child.”

My older daughters aren’t sure what to believe. They get one hour a week with me and 167 hours a week without me. That one hour is not enough time to try and prove that I’m not as much of a miscreant as I’m implied to be. My youngest and I have a far better relationship, but it’s obvious that she is confused. I know that she knows I am her mother. I can sense where my mother is and has been because of a special bond that we have, and I know for a fact that my youngest and I have that bond, as well. I’m hoping my older daughters chose to have me in their lives, but I respect that, at this moment, they do not. It doesn’t change the amount of love I have for them, nor does it change the amount of sorrow my heart feels by missing them.

We can all agree that the world needs to learn respect toward one another, but this blog, specifically, calls out parents and step-parents. Try to show respect to each other, for the kids.

Thank you for stopping by, come again soon 💜

Don’t follow your heart…

I have heard and felt many times “I just don’t know what to believe”. What I have realized is, your mind/heart can be deceptive and circumventing.

I know mine can be.

I have seen many people put on a faultless illusion of their intentions, and I have been guilty in the past, especially before I started seeing a psychologist that put so much into perspective. I have been told, “I just want things to get better!” and my past blog Actions speak louder than words, I discussed that when everything is said and done, there is almost always more said than done.

1 Actions speak louder than words

2 Practice what you preach

3 Don’t say one thing and do another

I made the comment about my ex-husband in my past blog that bothered a couple people. I’m sorry and I respect that it bothered you, but please respect how it was viewed to me.

I feel very strongly that it was fake for him to sit by my side and moments later turn deceptively calamitous toward me.

Yes, I am very hurt by what transpired after he rejected me, but I did not deserve the evil things he has done to me. I do not deserve how his mom has treated me. They have constructed lie after lie in an effort to make me miserable. They are failing. I continue to pray for them, as they are blinded by their behavior.

I stand firm that some of the people from my past are very atrocious in their behavior, and I’m not sure if they even acknowledge how calamitous their behavior is. I have no interest in ever speaking to (a majority) of them again.

Actions show much more of a personal commitment than words do.

Nonchalant words contradict merited action. With actions, it shows that you have actually altered your behavior/put forth effort to make something happen coinciding with the objective of your words.

I’m so tired of living in the past!

I shared a friend’s post on book of face the other day, and wrote this:

Why do people put on facades?

  • Avoid judgment
  • Gain acceptance

What is the end game of people who put on a facade?

The end game of deception is recognition of a lie in one whom you thought to be truthful.   This isn’t putting your best foot forward to create an initially positive first impression.

Facades can become deeper and more complex as time goes on. 

Its contingent upon how insecure or emotionally imbalanced someone is. A person who has self respect/a feeling of self worth won’t feel the need to incorporate any level of facade, as they are genuinely interested in the person they are getting to know, rather than the audacious focus on how they are coming across.

Energy attracts similar energy.

What you put out, comes back to you.  If you put out a duplicitous energy, that is what others will give back to you. 🔄

Ultimately, it is the law of karma that is the end game.💯

Why does society reward those who suppress their true selves to put on a perfect facade while we all hate fake people and having to be fake ourselves?🤔Because we live in a feel good society. We’re much more concerned about a quick fix instead of a temporary solution.

We want it here- we want it now.

Society is like this because

1) people are lazy. 💤

2) if you’re born into a specific behavior, you are raised in that behavior, and therefore that behavior becomes the only reality you know➡️ so it’s very hard for the later generations to make changes. 😩

  • It is first accepted.
  • Then is is adopted.
  • As it fosters with time, people become familiarize with it.
  • Then it becomes normal.

So in conclusion, make wise decisions, and follow your gut instinct. Your mind and heart can be deceptive.