Offline is the new luxury

Ok, so over the last couple of years, I have (finally) accepted that social media is the devil.

I’m not perfect, but I’m (more) cognitive of things I (should and should not) post on social media.

Some people that I have really thought highly of have, over-dramatically, attempted to hurt me via social media. Again, I’m not innocent in reciprocating. I’m disappointed in all of us.

I have seen others hurting or trying to hurt over social media, and that makes me sad.

I have seen family turn their back on family because of social media, and that makes me sad.

I have seen people post personal problems that they should not have posted, and that makes me sad.

Things I feel are stunted by social media:

Interpersonal communication/non-verbal behavior:

the real world has many opportunities to be inclusive, unfortunately, the internet prevents verbal communication and the development of social cues. Non-verbal communication over the Internet is nearly impossible to read. Am I laughing or and I saying this sternly? You don’t know. Positive messages are read as more neutral than they are intended to be; neutral messages are read as more negative as they are intended to be and one can only imagine what happens with messages that are intended to be negative. Also, you lose the ability to interact, mindfully, in the moment.

Teamwork:

it’s hard to learn how to cooperate with others on the Internet.

Circadian rhythms:

I don’t know how many nights I have lost sleep over social-media drama. I’m 100% I’m not the only one. If you haven’t been directly bothered, you have been bothered by someone close that has.

Modesty:

Things get posted that are not appropriate for others to see, and over time, it has caused our standards to decrease, leading to increased sexual immorality. It’s a downward spiral.

Harassment/cyber-bullying:

it’s so easy to tear someone down if you’re not looking at the tears rolling down their face. I can say that first-hand, I’ve said some hurtful things, and never thought twice about the recipient. I’ve cried from it being done to me.

THE REAL WORLD:

Go outside! Smell the flowers! Yes you can see them on social media, but YOU CAN ALSO SEE THEM IN PERSON!!

Last night around 8:00pm, I was texting a great friend, and this texting/social media thing has been eating at my last nerve. I asked him to meet me, IN PERSON (weird, nowadays) and really enjoyed eating fries and drinking sodas with him! I mentioned my frustration with the portrait that social media paints about everyone. The people, in real-life, aren’t as crazy as social media portrays them.

Take this time and review your social media.

What does it say about you as a person?It’s not that you or I need to impress anyone, but I feel we need to present ourselves with pride, not trashy-dramatic-condescending trash. A lot of the things I have mentioned above, I have been guilty of. I’m trying to clean up my act in 2018 and

I’m proud of the woman/mother/person I’m trying to be

and my confidence reflects my presentation. Again, I’m certainly not perfect and I have flaws. But gosh darn it, I’m trying. 😊

I delete/ignore/block the provocation and drama. There isn’t anybody that has time for it 😂💯

Thanks for reading and stop back soon!!!

I’m awake and I’m alive

Tomorrow, I’m celebrating 3 years of being alive, not necessarily awake.

Three years ago, I was the assistant to the director of psychology at an inpatient facility. I absolutely loved my job. I was the office manager and clinical coordinator, just to name a few tasks I completed on a daily basis.

I was heading to work on a snowy day, around 10 am the wind pushed my car in front of another car. I was 17 weeks pregnant, so the seatbelt was very uncomfortable and I wasn’t wearing it.

The accident propelled my body across the car and I sheared my spine when my head slammed into the passenger window of my Chrysler Town and Country, suffering a Traumatic Brain Injury. I spent the next 2 months in a coma. The MRI’s showed minimal brain activity, so it wasn’t looking good for me to live, my condo was sold during that time.

When I woke up, it was astounding. The first words I asked on April 10, 2015 were, “where is the snow?”

“It’s April, there is no snow.”

“No, it’s February. What’s going on?”

The days to follow were difficult for my little mind to process.

“When can I go home?”

“You can’t go home. It is being sold.”

“When can I go back to work?”

“The company you worked for sold, and is closed.”

“Why can’t I walk?”

“You may never walk again.”

“What happened to my baby?”

“I’m sorry, you lost him.”

I tried so hard to stay positive, but depression was controlling my soul. I felt as though I had lost everything over a 2 month timeframe. I wanted a home, a career, to walk, my material possessions I had lost, including my van, and a happy family. I hadn’t started seeing a psychologist yet, so in retrospect, borderline personality disorder was influencing a majority of my decisions.

I wanted a family.

I started messaging a guy I had a few conversations with 15 years prior, within 4 months he moved from Texas back to Ohio with the intention of giving me the family I was pleading for.

Around that time, I started seeing a neuropsychologist for my depression, et al.

Three weeks after the guy’s return, I found out I was pregnant. We, unfortunately, desired different things in life, and therapy was making that very clear to me. I really didn’t and don’t know him. That is reciprocal. My unborn daughter was all I had, I had been alienated from my older daughters because of lies. I’m at peace because I know the lies will be brought to light. I listened to her heartbeat on a Doppler every night, I sang to her, I loved her.

There are so many people that put their hatred of me over my daughters best interests. I can’t control their hatred and disrespect, I can only handle my actions and reactions. I’ve made mistakes, yes. Given my last couple of years, who wouldn’t?! I’m learning from my mistakes and making an effort to be peaceful.

Its been a journey since that day, and with the grace of God, the love and encouragement of my daughters, the love and support of my parents, a few close friends, and a handful of great friends, I’ve become a substantial woman.

I’ve battled the last couple of years to become the strong woman I am today. If you think you can take me down after all that I’ve already been through,

Give it your best shot!

You will not succeed. I love my daughters very much and they know that. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12💯

A Costly Distraction, part 1

Rebuilding a Life, part 2

Taking Control, part 3

To Venus and Back ↩️

I posted to my social media account my observance of my strength. The last couple of weeks have been emotionally stressful. I am now to the point where I am calm, collected, peaceful, etc. I am very happy and very content despite the troubled adversaries I’m forced to converge with.

When only one party is making an effort to be respectful and cooperative, it can be difficult. I look at this intricate time as a test, and I’m quite confident in saying that I will do quite well, namely in the 4 weeks to come.

A close friend of mine has been encouraging me to take a few moments to myself and relax. I’m consistently advising you acquaintances to celebrate you and look for positivity, but rarely do I take the time to advise you “proactively”. By advising you, I am suggesting you do (something).

YOU.

Sometimes it’s good to say ME.

Today’s agenda:

I offered a friend some money for helping me with a project. I had sold some items that weren’t important to me and saved up some money. She declined. I had told a close friend about it and he advised I use it in some time of relaxation technique. I politely declined because I’m not selfish. 🙄😂

I spend quite a bit of time video chatting with a gentleman-friend. Last night, I was complaining of my forehead dimple. I had never noticed it before, but I guess when you get to be old like me, you have wrinkles pop out of nowhere. 🤷‍♀️

I immediately decided that I needed to have a microdermabrasion. I spent the remainder of our video chat session researching where I wanted to get my microdermabrasion. I knew I wanted it mechanically, I’ve had them manually and I wasn’t impressed.

Well, I woke up this morning and decided for the first time in YEARS, I deserved a spa day to reward me for all I have went through on the journey to today.

I made an appointment at one of my favorite local spas where I received a very relaxing facial that included machine microdermabrasion. Wow. It had been YEARS since I had a spa day, and it was beyond relaxing. What a blessing in disguise, they were running a special today only! 🎉 I was able to share my story and self-improvement bloggery concept with not only my aesthetician, Kim, and a couple others. That made my heart happy. 💜 I told them about my 5.3, 4.8 and 4.4lb purposes ending it with they have shown me that I am my purpose. 🙏

I took myself to the mall and purchased a couple AE shirts that were on sale. I sauntered and hastily took my time, because I deserve it.

I felt led to call a close friend I had been worried about, while I stopped for an afternoon latte. God had placed her on my heart. She lives an hour or so away, and so unselfishly volunteered to help me with an upcoming project, but I know her life is demanding. As I was talking to her, I felt as though I, personally, needed to hear it.

Here are the things I told her:

  • Let it out: yes, confide in a trusted ally. If you don’t, you will burst. I have a couple friends that I trust and are there for me, and this bloggery is also a release-portal.

  • Be forgiving: of yourself, of others, of everyone.

  • Don’t sweat the small stuff. As simple as that.

  • Breathe. In/out/repeat. Which leads me to…

  • Treat yourself to a mini-vacation. Even if it’s to McDonald’s for an hour to drink a cup of coffee and work on your Star Chef (app) cafe, or Bermuda for a week. It’s the same if you breathe and evaluate your sabbaticals

  • Treat yourself to a Prince (RIP #ArtistFormallyKnownAs🥂) shirt

Everyone knows no Stephanie day would be complete without a stop at a local thrift store. 😂 My day got even more awesome as I purchased cd’s (5 for$1) to play in Pipsqueak’s karaoke machine. I picked out 10 great cds for karaoke time and background music, but 2 caught my attention rapidly.

A local band that will ever have a legacy (Marbles for Eyes, Matthew Busybee Smith). I have their CD, but I couldn’t pass it up.

To Venus and Back, Tori Amos, Atlantic/1999- I bought it for 1,000 Oceans, but belted it in my vanaoke-session on the way home. The lyrics put my day into perspective… relaxation calms the spirit. I need to take care of my soul.

It clicked after I reflected on my day with a close friend:

The moral of the story is:

STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES! 🙂

And check out To Venus and Back. It’s a great album that contains Alyssa and I’s song 1000 Oceans, and another good song, Concertina(you’re the fiercest calm I’ve been in)

Ok, Mike, Mariah, and Jordan, next up… meditation… promise.