Vote for Clean Slate 2018

With christmas being over, time to start thinking of 2017 being over. What I hope to accomplish in 2018 is leaving 2017 in the past.

With a new year, we get a fresh start on not only our calendar, but our hopes and dreams.

What I hope to do is prepare for my future, and my daughters’ futures. I have full intentions of continuing to put them first.

While we prepare for the future, we have to learn to let go of the things in the past that prevent a positive outcome of future. This is a new beginning.

People that I have looked up to and trusted, have turned against me. I forgive them. I forgive myself. I could sit around listing their many faults, or listing mine, but that is not preparation toward the future.

We need to let go of the things that don’t prevent a positive outcome of the future.

Start over

Starting over takes a leap of faith. While you may have the excitement of potential possibilities and the forthcoming highway, you probably have the fear of things taken an unexpected disintegration.

Govern your regrets

As Robert Frost encapsulated, it’s debatable whether human beings tend to regret the road taken or the road not taken more.ย  Are your regrets things you have erroneously done, or things you faultily did not do? Use regrets productively to see where youโ€™ve been, see where you’re going to go, and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Make a plan

Stop crying over spilled milk and get off the devil-advocacy carousel! Assign yourself a period of time (and only that time) to deliberately worry about your problem and learn from it. However, anxiety is fed by being alone, so one plan is to surround yourself with some friends you trust, and talk through your worries.

Use your imagination

  • Do what I say, not what I do
  • Make it easy to take the advice you give

Imagine your situation in a new light could give you a deeper understanding and help you to process it in a way you would advise someone else to do it. Recently, I have mentally put myself in my enemies shoes, I have remembered how I handled those dilemmas I was once presented with, and I’m embarrassed to say I acted similarly. I also realize by looking at it that way, it gave me more insight, “gosh I didn’t know the whole story when I acted like that!” Of course the situation wasn’t as complicated as mine, and I didn’t handle myself nearly as disrespectfully as others have or I could have, but by looking at it through different goggles, it gave me a different approach.

Focus your mindset

It’s not just what you’re thinking, it’s how your thinking.

  • Do you want a positive, peaceful conclusion?


  • Do you want to solve a problem?

So by focusing your energy on the goal, your approach isnโ€™t working? Thatโ€™s a signal to refocus your mindset so that you can reconsider all of your options.


Be creative as you begin to think about what you want to do next, and get engrossed in things you could do that put you in flow. Crafts? Hobbies? Jump in ๐Ÿ™‚

Never use your failure, yesterday, as an excuse for not trying again, today. We may not be able to undo damages, but we can always wipe the slate clean.


#minniemouse #focus #love #forgiveness

Facing your fears

I had the joy of taking my young daughter to meet Santa the other day. She showed signs of fear and apprehension. When I pointed out traits that were similar to hers, or perhaps taken as , she wanted to investigate.

“Santa is over there alone, we should go say hi. He seems nice.”

“Santa nice.” She said as she nodded.

Initially, she remained hesitant and shy. I pointed out his fluffy suit. “I bet it’s soft!”

“Santa soft.” Still nodding.

“Do you want to go say hi?”

She replied, “no.” I respected her answer. I continued pointing out the positive aspects of the environment.

“Look how nice the snowman is!”

After about 10 minutes of observation and provision, the response of earlier stated question, was, “yes.”

When we endeavored Sankt Niklaus, I did it slowly and respectfully, for Pipsqueak’s sake. I made sure she was approbatory to our ascension to the Zanesville sector of North Pole. She was cautiously optimistic.

As we got closer, we sat down beside him, but I held her tightly in the safety of my scrawny, flimsy arms.

I donโ€™t know about this, but mommy loves me and I know sheโ€™ll keep me safe…

I pointed out that he has 2 eyes, ears, a mouth, and a nose. I asked her,

“Does Santa have a nose?”

Yes mommy, he has a nose. Gosh… it’s right there.

Before I knew it, she offered her baby to hug Santa.

If my baby approves, maybe heโ€™s not a villain.

Well, if my baby thinks he’s not a villain, maybe he’s ok… hmmmm

Moments later, she was flashing her charismatic smile.

I think I have a case of the โ€˜feel goods.โ€™

I’m diggin it… I’m diggin it…

The moral of the story is…

The Pause/Proceed with Caution strategy is well understood by the name itself, is a solidity strategy that occurs when there is a pause to review the environmental conditions before advancing further into the situation. This also means that it’s important to not jump to conclusions without obtaining the factual knowledge.

If there is ever a situation that you feel the need to come to a conclusion prematurely, without sufficient thought or on incomplete evidence:

Stop. Think. Rationally evaluate.


Worldwide Photography, 2017

This is hereby declared a โ€œrut-freeโ€ zone ๐Ÿšฏ๐Ÿ“ˆ

I find it can be easy to get stuck in a rut, and even if I want to move forward with a predicament, it may feel overwhelming and/or futile. There some steps I like to take so that I can acquire the energy needed to escape this rut.

I first need to examine myself. Once I have completed the examination, I can take the first few steps forward into a better tomorrow.

What is your biggest problem with this predicament?

I’ve had to think about that recently, and I’m learning. Why would I argue over 5 minutes? I’ve already lost 5 minutes trying to decide if I wanted to argue about it. Waste of energy…

What is your feared conclusion?

If it’s cloudy, and I don’t want it to rain, I have to remember that rain makes flowers pretty. ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ’ Think about the negative and positive impacts that the feared conclusion has. Do you have anything that is worth worrying about? You know how the idiom goes… Worrying is borrowing trouble.

What do you hope will become of it?

Line that up with the other questions in this blog…

โ€ขIf I am hoping for a beautiful day, won’t the flowers impact the day’s beauty?

โ€ขI can’t get back the 5 minutes I have lost.

What is your biggest characteristic feature that may be advantageous in this predicament?

My friend just asked me what I want to accomplish with this blog, and my answer is the same as it is any other day: I have always been a visual and linguistic learner. When I type these blogs, sometimes I have an ‘a-ha’ moment. I write down my thoughts, see them, and they click. It’s like a going to college as a hobby ๐Ÿค“

My biggest characteristic feature is my desire to help others. I’m using that feature for a personal development, I’m sharing what I learn, in turn, I learn what I share. ๐ŸŽ€

Other things you need to make sure you do, and happen to be titles to songs music ๐ŸŽถ๐ŸŽต:

Let it go (the past) : Mistakes and heartbreaks are best left as learning curves.

Listen to your heart : Others may offer guidance/advice. However, it could be hurtful and/or helpful. Regardless, you need to make decisions based on your own desires and ideas without worrying about what others expect of you.

Make up your mind : Not making a choice, is a choice itself. If you are consistently indecisive, it could hurt you (self-doubt) at the most crucial moments.

Right now : wouldn’t you rather fix the mistake, than worry about when it will happen?

Excuses : Something that is considered an obstacle can be overcome with little effort. Telling yourself that the obstacles are too overwhelming may be false, and it needs to stop.

No surprises : Sometimes, things do not need an explanation. Fixating on the desire for an explanation can hold you back from greater things.

Drive : Be honest with your fears, what is holding you back? Once you know your fears, learn how to let them go.

I know you’re confused, but stay strong and keep moving forward!!! What you have done so far shows that deep down, you DO desire peace. Keep that mindset and things will get better.

Post-partum Depression

The subject of post-partum depression come up this past week, and it came up again yesterday. It got me thinking, the worst times of my life have been mixed with the best times of my life.

When I became pregnant with all 3 of my daughters, I became my own worst enemy and I tore-down my self image.

How I handled my self-image caused a lot of damage with quite a few people. I have not had an opportunity to repair (or attempt reparation) with quite a few of those situations.

Before and after my daughters were born, I accept responsibility that I didn’t handle some things well, and it’s lining up with ante/postpartum depression.

Depression during pregnancy is called antepartum or prenatal depression, and depression after pregnancy is called postpartum depression.

I’m gathering the effects of such caused me to be undesirable to the men I was with, and I certainly felt undesirable. I didn’t seek the help that I should have during all 3 of my pregnancies, and I the fact that i hadn’t participated in therapy long-enough to understand how to process events with my youngest, caused quite a bit of problems.

I didn’t take it well when I found out about infidelity after my older 2 daughters births.

With all 3 of my daughters, the impulse actions seemed to be out of my control.

If you have the slightest concern you may have antepartum or postpartum depression, please talk to your doctor, or a therapist.

I would love to sit down and rationally discuss a positive plan with people in my daughters lives, but circumstances are preventing me from suggesting that. If the circumstances were to dissipate, I would love to discuss the future in a peaceful, rational way.

Here is some information on Antepartum Depressionand Postpartum depression.

I love my Girls๐ŸŒ™๐Ÿ”™,๐Ÿ“ˆ๐Ÿœ, >โˆž๐Ÿ’ฌ

These tears I’ve cried…

I’ve cried 1000 oceans.

And if it seems

I’m floating in the darkness

Well, I can’t believe that I would keep

Keep you from flying…

And I would cry 1000 more…

If that’s what it takes to sail you home…

Sail you home

Sail you home

I’m aware what the rules are
But you know that I will run…
You know that I will follow you
Over silbury hill
Through the solar field
You know that I will follow you

And if I find you

Will you still remember

Playing at trains?

Or does this little blue ball

Just fade away

Over silbury hill

Through the solar field

You know that I will follow you

I’m aware what the rules are

But you know that I will run…

You know that I will follow you!

These tears I’ve cried

I’ve cried 1000 oceans

And if it seems

I’m floating in the darkness

Well I can’t believe that I would keep

Keep you from flying

So I will cry 1000 more

If that’s what it takes

To sail you home…

Sail you home.

I love you, Eldestto the moon and back ๐ŸŒ™๐Ÿ”™

I love you, Pilly, oodles and oodles like a bowl full of noodles ๐Ÿ“ˆ๐Ÿœ.

I love you,Pipsqueak, more than a million squeaks > โˆž ๐Ÿ’ฌ

*Tori Amos, “1000 Oceans.” To Venus and Back, Atlantic, 1999.

Crocheting, Moose and Squirrel

So being retired, I have little to do at times. I have some great friends that I enjoy time with, but basically my yorkie, Diesel, and I sit at home organizing and reorganizing. Destroying vehicles and iPhones are not legitimate hobbies. I found out yesterday that iPhones are not waterproof, and that I like pink ones better than black ones ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ#newphone #nomorebackpocket When I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, I started crocheting a scarf that I jokingly said I would have done by the time she is 9. I’m not sure where it is, but I don’t believe it is finished. Strike that: I don’t know where it is and I know it’s not finished. ๐Ÿ™„ I’m going to start crocheting again. It’s like riding a bike, only safer. I picked up the crocheting-hook-thingy and knew just what to do!

Another hobby is binge watching shows. At the top of the list was Supernatural, until I got caught up. My oldest daughter and I discuss details of it. Honestly, I have learned some traits from that series.

Here are some lessons Sam and Dean Winchester have taught me:

Everything goes better with pie

Never forget dessert! With Dean, you can pretty much expect pie to be in reaching distance at all times. It’s like the axiom whatever gets you through the day.

Which leads to the next lesson:The little things get you through the day

How you handle a curveballs is crucial to getting through them. For the Winchesters, the recipe usually consists of alcohol, wisecrack comments, emotional drives and pie. The common theme they seem to have worked out is that you need to keep doing the light little things that get you through the day.

Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole

You don’t have to drive. Be thankful you don’t have to drive. Have you driven lately??? It’s not fun. Your opinion of music is invalid.

Don’t let the fear of death stop you

They have lost everyone close to them, some a couple times, but they keep fighting villains. Now they are fighting calamities side-by-side with both demons and angels…

Which leads me to me next point…Don’t write demons (like Crowley) off permanently

In the beginning, none of us could stand him, but now I can’t remember not liking him. Ha This is my favorite clip of Crowley. Just because you have made up your mind about someone doesn’t mean they can’t change. This is something I’m trying to learn, myself, but if ‘Moose’ and ‘Squirrel’ can save the world alongside Crowley, I suppose I can give it a shot.

Family don’t end with blood

Sam and Dean remind us you can pick your family. The people they care most about are no relation: Bobby, Charlie, Ellen, Jo, and so on. Moreover, there are relatives they feel no obligation to.

A leg guitar is better than air guitar

Dean has a good point. When the time is appropriate, there is not a problem with letting loose and enjoying the day. When your jam comes on, use the limbs that Chuck gave you and play to an imaginative sold-out audience.

Don’t trust a sandwich with 2 meats stuffed inside each other

If something sounds too good to be true, it usually is too good to be true. The turducken was a prime example of this that Dean learned for all of us. Stick with simple, well-known concepts, or foods. Anything that tries to get funky like turducken has to be laced with some sort of evil.

Some other things that I have learned from Supernatural:

  • If you are weary and tired of all the burden in your life, you can always ask for help.
  • Crying and pouting all of the time doesn’t solve any problems, or teach you anything you need to learn.
  • Fulfillment won’t always come from acknowledgment and rewards.
  • Our love for the people that are most important to us can give us unbelievable endurance, and strength which can help us fight over and over and over again.

I love you Emma, Lillian, and Alyssa. You 3 are giving me the strength to persevere.

The end of Eddie Money

I apologize and give my appreciation in advance to you for reading this. This entry is, basically, pouring my heart out. I’m not sure who reads these, if anyone, but I’m not writing it for you. Google ‘journaling therapy’ to get more facts on this process. It really is helping me.

Journaling can:

  • Help us release what we truly feel on the inside
  • Give us a better understanding of our point of view, as well as encourage us to view others points of view
  • A life story, including the opportunity to go back and review later
  • Get to know yourself. Do introspect and evaluate whether you need to make changes
  • Pass it down. Someday, my daughters will view this and see how hard I’m working to become a better person.
  • Process your feelings. When you write them, you get them out of your heart so that your mind can process them.

If you are down on yourself alot, journaling is a great way to get around this and discover that your life is truly worth living.

My friends, Ri and Mikey, have been such a huge support to me during my veganistic transition, in addition to putting up with me quite a bit for non-vegan related matters๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ. I do enjoy Mikey and I’s Youtube binge-sessions and look forward to Ri and I’s Brooklyn 99 binge-sessions, now that I showed her why Gina Linetti is my spirit animal. ๐Ÿบ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿ˜‚

I spent some time with my great Aunt and Uncle today, and we talked quite a bit about not only how awesome my parents are, and how my dad can build a Lowe’s Distribution Center with rubber cement and a stick, but how when you stop and think about it, we have a lot to be thankful for.

My parents raised me well, and it has taken, what, (how old am I, 30๐Ÿ˜‰)35 years to grasp how I need to take care of the things I have. A good friend of mine asked me yesterday what I wanted for Christmas… a big thing. I couldn’t think of a thing! If there is something I need, I sell stuff on eBay or Facebook marketplace to get the money for it. If I don’t really need it, I end up talking myself out of it. I don’t know if it’s maturity, self-respect, or both… but…

I’m content with the blessings I have. I have a beautiful home, I’m (somewhat) healthy, 3 beautiful daughters, quite a few friends, loving parents, a confident/accomplished attorney that has faith in me, hope, self-assurance, and God.

I miss my daughters quite a bit.

I’m doing everything I can to grow from the depression that had consumed me for years, and detonated when I had my accident in 2015. I’ve never been a perfect person, but in 2009 my heart was irreparably broken and I didn’t handle it well.

My faith in God took a hit, I started taking things in my life for granted, thankfully I never abused drugs or alcohol, but I buried my problems with work and failed relationships. When I had my accident, I left a mess and 2 months later, I woke up to a bigger mess, and a broken heart. I tried to repair that mess with a relationship that encouraged me to compromise my integrity, thus putting me into a deeper depression and causing more problems for myself.

Toward the end of that mistake, I got diagnosed, psychologically, and everything that held me down for years, clicked. Unfortunately, that mistake has done irreparable damage, and the person on the other end of the mistake does not want to accept responsibility for his mistakes, or forgive. It’s sad, but given the brief time we socialized, I recall a dark-side that is very troubled. I, sincerely, hope that person can rise from that stronghold and become a better person. Only time will tell.

The silver-lining is that all of this mess forced me to take responsibility for my mistakes and my life, participate in therapy to learn from and grow, not just for my daughters,but for me. Despite the oubliette I am in, I’m in the strongest place, mentally, I’ve ever been. I’m truly happy and I can enjoy life. I have a confidence and self-respect I’ve never had, and it grows by the day. I’m not consumed with hatred because that would give my enemies energy that I want to keep, selfishly.

Wow. This was a lot longer than I planned. Thank you for reading and send positive vibes, please. โœŒ๏ธ

Put your money where your mouth is โ˜บ๏ธ

Iโ€™m learning to respect myself and itโ€™s giving me more confidence to talk to people. Iโ€™m slowly learning to handle myself more appropriate with people I talk to, which I haven’t always done. That incorporated with being my own worst enemy was a bad combination.

I’m accepting responsibility for that deficiency.

I have my youngest daughter to thank for teaching me to focus on making myself a better person, along with her being the inspiration for 5lb Purpose. Whenever I see a pregnant mother, or a mother with a newborn, I take her a business card and offer our Facebook support group if she intends on breastfeeding. I have met some wonderful ladies by doing that. ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ

I went to my favorite thrift store today and the cashier stated that she sees me in often, and often she can tell something is bothering me, but she said she can also see I’m trying very hard to smile and stay strong. She also told me she was praying for me. That strength that God is giving me, I can not take credit for.Emotionally, I am in the best place I have ever been, despite the turmoil that tries to consume my life. Shortly after I left there, I stopped by another store. There was a gentleman looking at cords and plugs. Because of the courage 5lb Purpose has given me, I started an interesting conversation with said gentleman about one of my new obsessions, smart plugs. Then we discussed the security cameras in my house. We stood their and chat for, roughly, 4 hours๐Ÿ˜‚. I walked away with a big smile on my face because I am learning that by accepting responsibility for my past and putting forth effort to move forward, I encounter some great people and hold decorous conversations โ˜บ๏ธ Yesterday, I stopped by one of past boyfriend’s grandmother’s house to chat. We held a very good conversation and I remembered so many good memories that I had with her. I was able to apologetically accept responsibility for my past, and thankfully she suggested we leave it there. We had a great visit and great conversation.

I’m learning to respect myself before I try to respect anyone else.

As hard as it was to take that first step, I’m so thankful I did because tomorrow isn’t promised. I have a lot of good memories with him and his family, I will hold on to those.

Itโ€™s unfortunate that I canโ€™t repair some of the situations in my past because there are certain people that have made it impossible for me to reason with them. Theyโ€™ve negatively made up their mind about me, and thatโ€™s unfortunate. It wouldn’t be that much of a concern if it didn’t involve my daughters… There is so much animosity, hatred, and war.

I want peace, but for that to happen, the strategy must be reciprocal.

Clutch puppy๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘œ

As many of you may know, I have always had a love for Yorkshire Terriers. They are small, cute, and do not aggravate my allergies. I have been blessed to have a couple Yorkies throughout my life, but I’ve been so busy and preoccupied that I haven’t given the attention they deserve.

After my wreck, a clutch puppy adopted me (he’s not a purse puppy because he’s barely 5 pounds, Pipsqueak was bigger than him when she was born). He has his own car seat in the passenger seat, I leave the tv on for him when I leave him home (which is rare). I used to make his dog food which I may start doing again, after I do some vegan research… I make a great effort to treat him well.

About once a week, I spend the night with my friends out of town, who have a Dorgi (Dachshund/Corgi) and 2 cats. Their Dorgi, Princess Magnolia Margarine Stasik (Maggie), and Diesel get along very well, but the cats, Stewart and Louise, intimidate him quite a bit. Early on, he flipped out quite a bit, but after he realized they were not nice to anyone they approve, he has been handling himself better. Even that is arbitrary haha. Strangers that you know don’t like you can be foreboding and can cause erratic, defensive nature, but Diesel is learning (like I am) that it’s easier to just let people (or cats) ruin their lives instead of causing problems with your erratic, defensive nature…

Its not worth the energy or stress.

So in conclusion, Diesel has reminded me that even though cats and girl dogs he doesn’t know can be intimidating, if you handle yourself well and stay calm and rational (instead of enervated and debilitate) they will not be worth your timorous comportment. I honestly think he is strong and rational enough to not fear a bulldog, as rough-skinned and intimidating as they are. He’s teaching me a lot for being a 4lb clutch puppy. โœŒ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿค™

Thrifty-shmifty ๐Ÿ’ต ๐Ÿ’ฐ

Ok. So… I don’t mean to brag but I am pretty thrifty. My parents raised me with the concept that, “anyone can have anything they want, just not everything.” I’m incredibly proud of how economical and intelligent my parents are, I wish I would have listened to them years ago.

I’m proud to say I own the title to my Honda Odyssey and the deed to my home, which feels very good.

I have thrifty things that I do to earn money… I’m proud to say my 11 year old daughter, Lillian-Pillian, taught me how to “shopkick”.

Because of overall thriftiness, and selling things on eBay (thanks Mikey for the suggestion), I was able to make some VERY exciting purchases for my birthday! As the world may already know, I love love love coffee โ˜•๏ธ. I purchased myself a Keurig 2.0 575 (or something ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ) Happy birthday to me!!

I barely spent anything on it because of my thrifty nature (not couponing ๐Ÿ˜ท) . My mother taught me everything I know, and my love and admiration for her is a blog for another day. And my dad… I’m a “daddy’s girl”. You could give him a toothpick and a jar of rubber cement and end up with a Lowe’s distribution center. ๐Ÿ’ช

I love you, Mom and Dad ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ

Anywho, I got a new Keurig, and WiFi smart plugs. I kind of what to go back and buy 17 more๐Ÿ˜. I have my living room lights on timers for security, and my Bath & Body Works wallflowers on timers to save money and avoid overwhelming scents.

While I was out shopping, I got presents for my friends, family, and most importantly, my daughters.

It’s cliche to say, but Christmas isn’t about presents, it’s about loving the time you have with people dear to your heart. I can not wait to hug my 2 oldest daughters on Wednesday and feel their positive auras shine into my soul.

Iโ€™ve been wondering about a presentless Christmas. The holiday anxiety seems to come from presents. Christmas without presents is simply Thanksgiving with more decorations and snow. One thing that I have learned over the years is that gifts aren’t about the dollar, they are more about what’s in your heart. Whether I spend $1 or $170, my heart is the remunerator. Again, sorry to throw out an abundance of cliches, but gifts of the heart are more distinguished than gifts from the wallet. I’m proud to know that Emma and Lily have been raised with that mentality. It’s obvious because of the gifts they gave me while they were growing up. Their hearts are so big.Speaking of my daughters, I got them each a handful of presents that are PERFECT for them! Don’t tell Alyssa, but I got her a play kitchen. Shhhhh! ๐Ÿคซ

I may have got Emma a guitar ๐ŸŽธ amp and I may have got Lily a pink hoodie. I wonder what it says on it? ๐Ÿ˜‰ #Logang#maybenot๐Ÿ™ƒ