OK Computer

As we discussed the other day, I’m learning how to stay strong and more positive everyday. I’m learning, with the help of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that there are 2 mindsets:

  1. Rational mind
  2. Emotional mind

With DBT, I’m learning to instinctively create a ‘wise mind’. It appears that people that don’t like me are, and have been, trying to provoke emotional responses out of me. Wise mind has given me the peace to not ‘look’ for said provocations. When friends warn me of provocations, I kindly respond that it bothers me (emotional mind), but I’d rather not know unless is a threat to my life or my daughters lives (rational mind). The result is me praying, privately at home, for peace to come over them and dominate their souls (wise mind).

What I’m learning is that by not forcing things, the truth reveals itself in time.

Another thing that I’m doing is blogging. I’ve been encouraged by my therapist to write a journal, but I’ve had a hard time doing it. I’m keeping a journal for my youngest daughter, Alyssa, for her to read someday. It talks about my love for her and things I do for her, like changing clothes out of her drawers when she changes sizes (she has more clothes than i do!), or I meet with a friend for information about the Facebook breastfeeding support group she was the inspiration for… 5lb Purpose. When she was born, she was my 5-pound 3-ounce wake-up call, but she has taught me so much in the 18 months she has been on this planet, heck, she started 8 months before she took her first breath. I tell her that, regularly, while I’m journaling. She has taught me that even though I think being a mother is my purpose, I am my purpose. I don’t write anything negative about her father and his girlfriend because I respect that they are in her life and I hope someday they will learn to respect my place in her life, too. I wish we could just put the fighting aside and focus on Pipsqueak’s happiness. I have lost so much time with her, but I am being rewarded with hope that things will not always be this way and a few months in comparison to eternity with her is not hard at all when you look at it with hope. Thank you for reading and visit again soon 💜This is what you get when you mess with us ✌️

One thought on “OK Computer

  1. YES!! Keep up the good work! You are doing great. Keep calm and carry on truly fits with this blog post. You are continuing down the right path.

    I know even I can take a little something and learn from this too. It will surely help with day to day stressors. Thanks!

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