5lb Scoop: Love you ๐Ÿ’ž

Everyone’s heard this cliche fact: We need to love ourselves before we can love anyone else. We need to be taught to love aspects of ourselves–again and again–by the people around us.

As much as we want to control our future, the humbling truth is that sometimes the only way to learn self-love is by being loved-precisely in the places where we feel most unsure and most tender. When that happens, we feel freedom and relief and permission to love in a deeper way. No amount of positive self-talk can replicate this experience.

Yet if our vulnerability is met with derision or disinterest, something tender shrivels and retracts within us, and we may think twice about ever sharing that part again. In a Chipmunks episode, Simon falls head over heels in love, but has no idea how to win the (chip)girl’s heart. Dave exhorts him, “Just be yourself.” In response, Simon wails, “I tried that already!” When our authentic self doesn’t work in the world, we create a false self which lets us feel safe and accepted–but at significant cost. 

Imagine taking a pet you love and putting it in a yard with an invisible electric fence. When it moves outside its allowed space, it gets stunned by an unexpected shock. It will only take a few jolts before your pet gets the message: if it goes too far, punishment will be instantaneous. In a short period of time, your pet won’t act as if the borders even exist; it will simply avoid them. If pushed closer to the danger zone, it will exhibit increasing signs of anxiety. The world outside the fence just isn’t worth the pain.

Now imagine turning off the charge from the invisible fence, and then placing a bowl of food outside its perimeter. Your pet might be starving, but it will still be terrified to enter into the newly free space. And when it finally crosses the line, it does so with trembling; anticipating the pain of new shocks. It is the same with us; even though we yearn for the freedom of our true self, some deep reflexive instinct still tries to protect us from being hurt again.

We can each learn more about our true and false selves by answering these two questions:

* What parts of your authentic self did you have to hide or camouflage in your childhood?

* In your current relationships, where are you confined to too small a space? What parts of yourself are you not expressing?
When we suppress these challenging gifts, we’re left with a sense of emptiness and loneliness.

This shame around our most vulnerable attributes is almost universal. And even our best thinking will barely budge it.

So, how do we free ourselves? The best, sometimes the only, way out is through relationships; relationships which instruct us in the worth of our most vulnerable self.

Of the people you know, who sees and relishes your true self? Who isn’t too afraid of your passion, or too envious of your gifts? Who has the generosity of spirit to encourage you toward greater self-expression? These people are gold. Practice leaning on them more, and giving more back to them. 

5lb scoop of the day: celebrate you ๐ŸŽ‰

Stop comparing yourself with others. Try to understand that some have it better than you, but many have it much worse. When we make ourselves miserable by comparing ourselves with others, we are wasting time and energy that we could use in building our own inner resources. Compliment yourself every morning. Being happy makes you a more positive person, which helps you put those positive vibes out into the world.

You have your own unique gifts and talents. Focus on sharing them with the world instead of focusing on the gifts of another. 

5lb scoop of the day: be a good person๐Ÿ˜Š

Determine what being a good person means to you personally. Some people think that being a good person is as simple as not doing harm to another. But it is not always about what you don’t do, but what you do for others. Being a good person also includes โžก๏ธhelping yourself as much as others. โฌ…๏ธ

You have to decide what you believe being a good person entails.
What is your ideal person? Make a list of traits that you believe make up a good, ideal person. Start living your life according to these traits.

Are you waiting for something in return? 

Are you doing things because it will help you look good? 

Or are you doing things because you truly want to give and help? 

Stop putting up airs and adopt the attitude of giving without expectation of receiving anything in return. ๐Ÿ’ฏ

Very first “5lb Scoop of the Day”: pay it forward

On Facebook, we used to have “breastfeeding tips of the day”, but here, I’m going to call them 5lb scoops ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Today is our premier scoop of day: encourage someone. If you see a girl with a really cute shirt, tell her you like her shirt. I mean, if she’s not on the phone or busy with something. If she gives you a mean look and walks away, meh. What are you out? More than likely, she’ll say thank you. And more than likely she needed to hear that at the moment you said it. 

When I do little things like that, it makes me so happy. It’s kind of along the lines of “Pay It Forward”. If you haven’t seen that movie, look up the trailer. Do something nice for someone else and save the world. 

Make your day brighter while making someone else’s day brighter! I call that a “twofer” ๐Ÿ˜Š